On the ragged edge right now!!

[lammylama]

Have had a really bad time at work this week due to a situation that arised on Monday which has now been fully resolved but my anxiety has gone thru the roof since this time. Im a lorry driver by trade so its not the best thing to have when driving a 26 ton truck.
Ive had pretty much every anxiety symptom imaginable and im going out of my mind today......half an hour ago i was on the verge of calling an ambulance as i was convinced i was gonna have a heart attack !!
Ive had a good few months during the summer where the anxiety was at an all time low but this week has spiralled out of control again....i really am at my wits end and dont know what to do......even now i find it hard to talk to my partner of 15 years as she doesnt understand it....am feeling very alone right now and need some help asap!!

Im thinking of going to my GP next week for a health check and ECG purely for my piece of mind....hopefully this will help me reduce my health anxiety!

From a very teary Mark!!

[Idstain]

Hi Mark,

sorry to hear you feel like this :( , at least you know it's anxiety. maybe try the chat room?

[lajjj]

thinking of you mark sorry your having a rough time. sounds like a good idea going to your gp :) dont suffer when there is help available:) are you on meds etc? xx

[lammylama]

Hi lajjj......im not on meds at the moment as im a lorry driver ,and as you probably know some meds can have some strange side effects.....i had a few days off work last year due to taking some beta blockers and i really dont want to be off work in fear of not wanting to go back again!......i thought i was doing well with CBT over the last few months too but this week has really knocked me for 6!!

[lajjj]

i totally understand where you are coming from i struggled on with my anxiety because i have to work and have a young daughter who i have to take to school every day and have to drive...its about a 30 min drive. and know from experience what the meds are like... but a few weeks ago i was in your position and had to make the desicion with the advice of my cbt specialist and psychiatrist to bite the bullet and take a weeks sick leave so i could start on the meds. i hated having to take a week off and felt so guilty about it. but to be honest i think its far more important to get your self well ! dont struggle on with it you deserve to be happy xx

[lammylama]

I have been thinking maybe christmas time doing the same as you as im off for 2 weeks so a perfect time to start a course of meds i reckon......to be honest i hate taking meds for anxiety and have always tried to avoid doing so.......after having a couple of bad times on meds im too scared to take anymore now.....my anxiety gets worse at the thought of taking meds lol....cant bloody win can you!!!!!!!

Strange thing with me is that my anxiety is not constant....i tend to have 3/4 really bad bouts a year which are unbearable and the rest of the time i can cope ok with it......would love to know why this happens!

For me i find it really helps to talk on these forums......within an hour of being on here and getting careing replies from similar ppl like yourself my anxiety levels have already been reduced.....Thanks for that xx

[lajjj]

funny am exactly the same! have about 3/4 really bad bouts a year i have just been diagnosed with a mild form of bipolar she also said it is prob summit called recurrent depressive disorder which i dont totally agree with as i am not depressed! i have been on and of the pills and like your self hate taken them but have been advised that i DO need them as this is somthing i cant control as it just triggers for no reason..... but i want to be free of anxiety so for once i am gonna do as im told! sounds like a good plan waiting until your off coz then you have peace of mind that you aint letting anyone down....your gonna be fine you sound like you have a plan! you aint sitting back and taking it...be proud of your self! anxiety aint easy xx

[lammylama]

I learnt to accept that i will never be free of anxiety,maybe this is very negative attitude to take but its the way i feel most of the time......what i really worry about is how bad i will be in another 5/10 years as my anxiety has slowly worsened over the years.....dont think i could cope with it getting any worse!......i would give anything to be free of anxiety like yourself and think joining these forums are a great first step in the road to recovery.
Would love to go to one of these meets ppl have but also have a bit of social phobia too.

[lajjj]

i think we all have a little social phobia... its kinda weird tho because ppl say it doesnt show! i think its all about how we interpret ourselfs. i always think ppl can tell i am anxious and that fuels my anxiety... but no 1 actually know i suffer with anxiety unless i tell them. ppl are pretty shocked to be honest so again its proof that its all in our own minds. i think it does alot of good talkin to ppl on here who understand:) xx