rach123
13-03-06, 18:07
Hello Everyone,
I am new here and in serious need of some help. I am going to tell my story its going to be a bit long. I had my very first panic attack march 6, 2005 I had way too much caffine that day and when the attck hit it was a real doozie. I couldnt see, I was sweeting the freezing, my face went numb, my heart was punding out of my chest. I thought that was it I was going to die right then and there. I knew it was a panic attack becasue everyone in my family gets them except for my parents. As time went on the attack would come and go but I kenw how to control them.
On june 22, 2005 I got engaged to my high school sweat heart what was supposed to be the happiest time in my life turned into a totla nightmare, his parent especially his mother were very upset because we came from two different religions she want me to convert and I wouldnt so it turned into a whole huge mess. By the end of the summer my fiances parents finally decided that they would rather keep there son around then to not speak to him or me so we patched things up and decided to have an engagement party in november.
On september 9, 2005 I started my fist year teaching autistic children in second grade as well as beginging my masters all seemed to be moving smoothly and I have had any major panic attacks just little ones here and there. Well when novemeber came around we were planing for the big engagement celebration about a week before the party I began to have this thought that I was going to go crazy it was so wierd it was just a thought that I was going to loose it then in the middle of a presentaion in college I had the worst panic attack possible, I was speaking in front of the whole class when all of a sudden I did know what was going on I didnt know if I was saying the right things the tought in my head began to take over I felt I needed to get out as quickly as I could I thought this was it I am going to be locked up in the loonie bin and there was no getting out and then it passed when it was over I had no energy left in my body I was exhusted.
About a month later on december eight I started to have the tought again the thought of going crazy and loosing my mind thats when I mad the biggest mistake of my life I decided to go online and look up stuff to see if I could figure out what was wrong with my I came accorss the word schizophrenia and that was it that was the end I became obsessed with becoming schizophrenic althought I had none of the symptoms I knew that was what was happening to me. I got my self so sick so terrified I could leave my house I would lay on my mothers lap and just cry and cry I was so afariad that alll that I have owrwked so hard for was over I was never going to get married or have children my life was jsut over I would wake up in the morning sick to my stomach I dont know how I had the strength to go to work and do my job I had to right ten papers in two days and go holiday shopping feeling this way. All I just wanted to die I lost 20 pound in two weeks because I could not eat I was just so terrified. The more I looked up the symptoms the wosre it got I started to give my self the symptoms because i was paying such close attention to everything I I heard a noise I would have to question whoever I was with if they heard it , it took over my life. I remember one night lying in bed and I heard music and I could figure out where it was coming from I was up all night because of that then the next morning I told my father what had happend and he told me he was listening to music in the basment and I heard it through the vents [Sigh...] that was a relife. I start to go to see someone and she diagnosed me with having OCD and Panic attacks they put me on Paxil but that didnt work it just made me gain some weight. I found it hard to believe I had OCD I still do I still to this very day and terrifies that I am becoming Schizophrenic and It wont go away I mean some weeks are better then others and this week is one of the bad ones. I am off the paxil because I feel like the medication
I am new here and in serious need of some help. I am going to tell my story its going to be a bit long. I had my very first panic attack march 6, 2005 I had way too much caffine that day and when the attck hit it was a real doozie. I couldnt see, I was sweeting the freezing, my face went numb, my heart was punding out of my chest. I thought that was it I was going to die right then and there. I knew it was a panic attack becasue everyone in my family gets them except for my parents. As time went on the attack would come and go but I kenw how to control them.
On june 22, 2005 I got engaged to my high school sweat heart what was supposed to be the happiest time in my life turned into a totla nightmare, his parent especially his mother were very upset because we came from two different religions she want me to convert and I wouldnt so it turned into a whole huge mess. By the end of the summer my fiances parents finally decided that they would rather keep there son around then to not speak to him or me so we patched things up and decided to have an engagement party in november.
On september 9, 2005 I started my fist year teaching autistic children in second grade as well as beginging my masters all seemed to be moving smoothly and I have had any major panic attacks just little ones here and there. Well when novemeber came around we were planing for the big engagement celebration about a week before the party I began to have this thought that I was going to go crazy it was so wierd it was just a thought that I was going to loose it then in the middle of a presentaion in college I had the worst panic attack possible, I was speaking in front of the whole class when all of a sudden I did know what was going on I didnt know if I was saying the right things the tought in my head began to take over I felt I needed to get out as quickly as I could I thought this was it I am going to be locked up in the loonie bin and there was no getting out and then it passed when it was over I had no energy left in my body I was exhusted.
About a month later on december eight I started to have the tought again the thought of going crazy and loosing my mind thats when I mad the biggest mistake of my life I decided to go online and look up stuff to see if I could figure out what was wrong with my I came accorss the word schizophrenia and that was it that was the end I became obsessed with becoming schizophrenic althought I had none of the symptoms I knew that was what was happening to me. I got my self so sick so terrified I could leave my house I would lay on my mothers lap and just cry and cry I was so afariad that alll that I have owrwked so hard for was over I was never going to get married or have children my life was jsut over I would wake up in the morning sick to my stomach I dont know how I had the strength to go to work and do my job I had to right ten papers in two days and go holiday shopping feeling this way. All I just wanted to die I lost 20 pound in two weeks because I could not eat I was just so terrified. The more I looked up the symptoms the wosre it got I started to give my self the symptoms because i was paying such close attention to everything I I heard a noise I would have to question whoever I was with if they heard it , it took over my life. I remember one night lying in bed and I heard music and I could figure out where it was coming from I was up all night because of that then the next morning I told my father what had happend and he told me he was listening to music in the basment and I heard it through the vents [Sigh...] that was a relife. I start to go to see someone and she diagnosed me with having OCD and Panic attacks they put me on Paxil but that didnt work it just made me gain some weight. I found it hard to believe I had OCD I still do I still to this very day and terrifies that I am becoming Schizophrenic and It wont go away I mean some weeks are better then others and this week is one of the bad ones. I am off the paxil because I feel like the medication