Having a bad time.

[oscar1]

Hi. On Saturday night I woke up at around 4.30 (although it could have been 3.30) having a huge panic attack. Usually I can control the panic, as I have learned over the last year to do so quite well, but this time as I was asleep, I couldn't. When it happened I tried to stay calm, and just got up went in to the living room, made some Chamomile tea, and watched TV while drinking it. After an hour or so it died down and I was actually able to get back to sleep quite easily. But ever since then my anxiety has been quite high. I am currently at my aunt's house, as we are both going tomorrow to vists my other aunt, as it is my baby cousin's birthday, but the thought of traveling is making me feel really bad. I want to go, and feel as though I should go, but to get there we need to take a bus, 2 trains, and then another bus, and I am dreading it. I told my mum this morning that I didn't want to go, and she said that I was just being silly and nothing was going to happen to me, which has made me feel as though I can't call her if I'm feeling bad because she will think I am over reacting. I also don't want to let either of my aunt's down because they are expecting me to go. Part of me feels as though I should just go, and try to push through the bad feelings, but the other just want's to stay at home until I feel better. I'm really worried.

[Electric_Worry]

It's normal for you to want to stay in familiar surroundings when you're in such an anxious state and having to step outside of that comfort zone brings intense feelings of dread. It can be rather difficult for people who haven't experienced panic attacks to understand what it's like to suffer, and I'll admit to being the same until having to go through it myself. Nobody is forcing you to go, so if you genuinely feel as though you can't make it, then your family will not hold it against you. Explain it to them if need be and hopefully they will be more sympathetic in future.

However, I was in a similar position to you a few weeks ago. It was an aunt's 40th birthday party and for weeks prior to the date I got more and more anxious. So much so I was already making my excuse for not attending, despite the fact I wanted to go. As the day arrived I forced myself to show, even though I felt sick and had dizzy spells hours prior to the event. I was the same on the way there and as we pulled into the car park, I already wanted to leave. I plucked up the courage to enter the building... and I stayed there until it was over. I surprised myself and had a really good time.

If I had to attend another party in a weeks time, I still wouldn't want to go. I would still be making excuses, still be feeling ill, still getting worked up etc, and it's all down to the anxiety. Uncertainty is such a difficult aspect to deal with when it comes to anxiety, so I can relate to you entirely. You shouldn't feel forced or pressured into doing something you don't feel you can cope with, so whatever decision you make your family should support you. However, you can see this as practice for your anxiety.

I'm rambling, but the decision is ultimately yours. Nobody should hold it against you, regardless of whether you feel you cannot attend.