Horrible, out of control thoughts....

[mysticchick02]

I know there is a thread already made for this, but mine has a bit of background information to it and I didn't want my issue to take over that person's thread...

Lately I have been having horrible horrible thoughts.... very scary to say the least. Last night I had been researching a guy I went to high school with because I found out that he murdered someone that he met off of an website called MySpace.com. I graduated with him about 4 years ago and was even friends with him at that time. He was a bit creepy around females, but I NEVER thought in a million years that he would do something like that. Anyway, I stopped searching it and then terror hit me. I began to wonder if I was capable of doing something like that or even to the love of my life (my boyfriend). I know it sounds ridiculous, but then I began wondering if I were crazy because I was thinking about this. I even convinced myself I had schizophrenia because I felt like I could not control my own thoughts :( Then I began to think I was crazy for thinking all of these things and then began questioning if my boyfriend should even be with me!!! :(

My heart has been racing, I feel so guilty and trapped in my own thoughts... I just do not know what to do. I'm such a bubbly, happy person and I just do not understand why I am like this or what is going on!!! :(

Now for some background info...these are major events that have happened in the past 6 months that have effected me. I wonder if any of these could have made me the worrier I am now.

1. Quit smoking
2. Quit drinking
3. Moved over an hour from my family
4. Admitted A LOT of things that I had lied about in the past to my boyfriend such as the number of people I had slept with (although my number is less than 10, he was a virgin and even though I didn't tell him that I was a virgin, I felt bad for lying), I also told him that I had been smoking and drinking during our relationship even though he does neither and I knew it would hurt him if I did)...
5. Started rebuilding my relationship with God
6. Went back to college after nearly 3 years of not going..
7. Now for the big one... my biological father contacted me after 18 years of not knowing if he was dead or alive as well...

I've gone through a lot of traumatizing things lately and I just don't know why I am all of a sudden thinking these things....

My main concern is why do I think that I am absolutely out of my mind crazy? I'm nearly in tears just thinking about it... it's like my brain has gone into overdrive and I cannot control it :(

[tnt808]

You definitely are not crazy. It's pretty common to have thoughts of which we have no control over. It's weird how it snowballs...the thoughts appear, you start to over analyze the thoughts, you expect the crazy thoughts to leave, you flip out cause they haven't, and now you suddenly have gone mad or will go mad.
I have a lot of respect for you changing your life around, and I think in the long run those were only good positive things. Anxiety is extremely complicated, go talk to your doctor about it. It affects so many things in our lives.
Relax and know that you are not alone.

Take Care,
Tina

[sal]

Hi Hun

Completely understand how you feel. I have suffered just like you and know how it torments you. Here if you ever want to talk and you should read some of the personal stories and you will see you are not alone and are by no means going mad.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[eeyorelover]

wow lots of changes going on in your life right now. Most of them seem like positive ones but you know even positive change can make one anxious.
As far as the thoughts you are having, it does happen with alot of us. The what ifs take over and it can be very scary. But that doesn't mean that it is going to happen. You can't spend your days worrying about what might happen. If you do then you won't have much time to enjoy life. Since you obviously believe in God then I will tell you something that has helped me (I think that this is from the book of Matthew)...Worry doesn't help the birds get their food nor does it help lilies grow. And worrying about tomorrow is about as useless as trying to increase your height just by thinking about it. There are plenty of things to be concerned about right now, and worrying about tomorrow will not keep tomorrow's evils away.
You said it perfectly - your mind is on overdrive - it happens. But just try not to dwell on those kinds of thoughts and switch your attention to something else.

Sandy
(eeyorelover)

If the world didn't suck... we'd all fall off :)

[mysticchick02]

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding. I am slowly feeling better and better each day.... especially from reading your responses and knowing that I truly am not alone and that I really am completely normal. :) It is so comforting knowing that there are others out there that have done this and knowing that I'm not losing my mind..lol