mysticchick02
14-03-06, 02:53
I know there is a thread already made for this, but mine has a bit of background information to it and I didn't want my issue to take over that person's thread...
Lately I have been having horrible horrible thoughts.... very scary to say the least. Last night I had been researching a guy I went to high school with because I found out that he murdered someone that he met off of an website called MySpace.com. I graduated with him about 4 years ago and was even friends with him at that time. He was a bit creepy around females, but I NEVER thought in a million years that he would do something like that. Anyway, I stopped searching it and then terror hit me. I began to wonder if I was capable of doing something like that or even to the love of my life (my boyfriend). I know it sounds ridiculous, but then I began wondering if I were crazy because I was thinking about this. I even convinced myself I had schizophrenia because I felt like I could not control my own thoughts :( Then I began to think I was crazy for thinking all of these things and then began questioning if my boyfriend should even be with me!!! :(
My heart has been racing, I feel so guilty and trapped in my own thoughts... I just do not know what to do. I'm such a bubbly, happy person and I just do not understand why I am like this or what is going on!!! :(
Now for some background info...these are major events that have happened in the past 6 months that have effected me. I wonder if any of these could have made me the worrier I am now.
1. Quit smoking
2. Quit drinking
3. Moved over an hour from my family
4. Admitted A LOT of things that I had lied about in the past to my boyfriend such as the number of people I had slept with (although my number is less than 10, he was a virgin and even though I didn't tell him that I was a virgin, I felt bad for lying), I also told him that I had been smoking and drinking during our relationship even though he does neither and I knew it would hurt him if I did)...
5. Started rebuilding my relationship with God
6. Went back to college after nearly 3 years of not going..
7. Now for the big one... my biological father contacted me after 18 years of not knowing if he was dead or alive as well...
I've gone through a lot of traumatizing things lately and I just don't know why I am all of a sudden thinking these things....
My main concern is why do I think that I am absolutely out of my mind crazy? I'm nearly in tears just thinking about it... it's like my brain has gone into overdrive and I cannot control it :(
Lately I have been having horrible horrible thoughts.... very scary to say the least. Last night I had been researching a guy I went to high school with because I found out that he murdered someone that he met off of an website called MySpace.com. I graduated with him about 4 years ago and was even friends with him at that time. He was a bit creepy around females, but I NEVER thought in a million years that he would do something like that. Anyway, I stopped searching it and then terror hit me. I began to wonder if I was capable of doing something like that or even to the love of my life (my boyfriend). I know it sounds ridiculous, but then I began wondering if I were crazy because I was thinking about this. I even convinced myself I had schizophrenia because I felt like I could not control my own thoughts :( Then I began to think I was crazy for thinking all of these things and then began questioning if my boyfriend should even be with me!!! :(
My heart has been racing, I feel so guilty and trapped in my own thoughts... I just do not know what to do. I'm such a bubbly, happy person and I just do not understand why I am like this or what is going on!!! :(
Now for some background info...these are major events that have happened in the past 6 months that have effected me. I wonder if any of these could have made me the worrier I am now.
1. Quit smoking
2. Quit drinking
3. Moved over an hour from my family
4. Admitted A LOT of things that I had lied about in the past to my boyfriend such as the number of people I had slept with (although my number is less than 10, he was a virgin and even though I didn't tell him that I was a virgin, I felt bad for lying), I also told him that I had been smoking and drinking during our relationship even though he does neither and I knew it would hurt him if I did)...
5. Started rebuilding my relationship with God
6. Went back to college after nearly 3 years of not going..
7. Now for the big one... my biological father contacted me after 18 years of not knowing if he was dead or alive as well...
I've gone through a lot of traumatizing things lately and I just don't know why I am all of a sudden thinking these things....
My main concern is why do I think that I am absolutely out of my mind crazy? I'm nearly in tears just thinking about it... it's like my brain has gone into overdrive and I cannot control it :(