Claiming ESA for avoidant personality disorder (plus other problems)

[groke]

Hi everyone,

I've suffered from AvPD for about 20 years. I was a recluse through most of my childhood and I've spent most of my adult life on the dole.

I suppose the biggest problem for me now is that I can't leave the house without wearing a hat and layers of thick, baggy clothing, which means that 99% of jobs are unsuitable for me. I can't work in a shop, I can't work in an office, I can't work in a lab (I have a first class physics degree that I can't use :sad:)

In fact, apart from being a postie, I'm not sure what I could do. I've applied for postie jobs by the way - always unsuccessful :weep:

After so long on the dole (as I'm sure you all know) they put you on a back to work course. I went on one before for 2 weeks. It wasn't so bad because I could wear what I liked, but some of the people on those courses are very unpleasant and I find it hard to be around people as it is. I just couldn't cope with more than 2 weeks of it.

So I took advantage of a self-employment scheme they were running through the jobcenter. You sign off the dole, but you have to go back every 6 weeks to show that you're still trading.

Even though you don't have to make any money to be on the scheme, I was worried that my new deal advisor (who was always trying to trip me up) would kick me off if she didn't see that I was earning money.

So... here's the stupid bit... I gave her fake accounts, saying that I was earning when I wasn't.

I did eventually start to make some money, but from selling on ebay, which isn't what I was supposed to be doing.

I was also claiming housing benefit, as a self-employed person. For the first 13 weeks, it's based on your estimated income (which was low), but after that they ask to see your accounts. And then it hit me... do I give them my actual accounts or the accounts I gave the jobcenter??? I know they share information and I was worried that they'd see the discrepancies and hoist me in for an interrogation. I'd get in trouble for lying, and I'd get in trouble for telling the truth.

Seeing that I was in a lose-lose situation, I came up with a third option - to stop claiming it from before the end of the 13 week period. I unregistered as self-employed and told the council (I know you have a month to tell them about a change in circumstances, and I thought I could just pay back anything they'd paid me already since I stopped being self-employed - even though I really can't afford to do that :sad:)

But instead of just cancelling my claim, they're reassessing it and the woman I spoke to seemed more than a bit suspicious, asking how I was managing financially (I'm not).

So I'm in the position now where I can't be self-employed and I can't go back on the dole. I have to give a month's notice in order to move out, and if I don't hurry up and start claiming some sort of benefit the housing benefit people are going to get really suspicious really soon (if they're not already - which they almost certainly are)

I'm not lazy. I wish I could just go out and work like a normal person, but I can't.

So ESA seems to be my only option, but I was filling out an online application form earlier and there didn't seem to be any option for anxiety or any kind of mental health problem. Here are some screenshots:
http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/1527/esaform1.jpg
http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/8085/esaform2.jpg

So what do I do? Surely there must be a way for me to get this?

I know that I'll be declared fit for work after the 8 week medical, but if I could just get it for 8 weeks that would be great. It would just get the council off my back while I serve out my month's notice on this flat.

I do have a genuine problem with AvPD. It's ruining my life. I've been in counselling (private) for nearly 2 years. I hardly have any friends, I hardly ever go out. I've never had a boyfriend (still a virgin, as embarrassing as that is to say)

And I know, logically, that I'm not half as bad-looking or unappealing as I feel. But my fears come from a very illogical, instinctive place. I was neglected and made to feel ashamed of myself for so many years, and it's hard to shake that off.

[blueangel]

Hi groke (I get the Moomins association by the way!)

You're right, this seems to have turned into a bit of a mess. I'm not an expert in any of this by all means, but I have to help out with all sorts of peoples' problems at work as I'm a trade union official, so maybe I can come up with a few bits and pieces to help you.

* the accounts thing - that's all a bit sticky, to be honest, and unless you're going to stick with the stuff that you gave to the Jobcentre, then it could well get cross-checked. I'm not sure what the consequences of this could be, as they may just ask for the money back, ro they could decide to get more stroppy about it

* ESA application; not sure how you can answer the first question on the form, but you could put down "recurring condition" for the second one, as you could describe many mental health conditions as recurring

* counselling - if you've been in it for two years, my gut reaction is that you're not having the right sort of counselling. The whole point is that it should be progressive and usually time-limited. Have you considered trying another sort of therapy, like CBT?

* employment - there are a number of jobs that you could do out of doors. If you're fit, you could do labouring work, although it's a real shame to waste the physics degree, in my humble opinion. There are also maintenance or gardening jobs, or if you did want to be self-employed, what about being a market trader? It's true that you'd need a bit of money to start yourself off with, but at least in those circumstances, the contact you'd have with the general public is very brief

* dealing with the DWP in general - have you told anyone that you have AvPD? It might help, but unfortunately the staff can be very variable; some of them are fine and very helpful/understanding, but they can be drones who don't want to have any sympathy with claimants, unfortunately.

Don't forget in all of this though, you *can* change. it might only be a bit at a time, but you can do it.

[groke]

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it.

My advisor was a complete Thatcherite. She had that 'get on your bike' mentality and made no secret of it. I really don't want to see her ever again. If I sign on again now, they'll carry on my old claim, which is right at the end of stage 3, so I'd have to go on the gateway to work courses and she'd probably be reinstated as my advisor.

I do want to work, and I wouldn't mind at all being put into the work-focussed group of ESA. I've thought about gardening and outdoors-y jobs before, and I'd be okay to do those through the winter months, but in the summer it would just be too hot for me with all my layers on.

I thought about carrying on with the lie, and I sort of wish I had done that now. But then I'd have to lie on my tax return too.

I was having relational therapy. I'm not sure if it's very effective but I just really didn't like the sound of CBT. It sounds too much like brainwashing to me. I did go for a couple of assessments with a CBT therapist, but she seemed convinced that I had BDD, which I didn't really agree with. I know that I obsess about my appearance a lot, but the flaws I see are really there. And it's not just defects in my appearance that I worry about.

I know that I can change, and I have made quite a few big changes recently, but I still have a lot to overcome. It sounds like I'm being really awkward but, I think part of the reason is that I don't want to accept these flaws. I want them gone. I don't just want to delude myself that they're not there.

[blueangel]

Hi again groke

I don't think it's about deluding yourself that flaws aren't there; that's not the point. In the end, it's about just accepting them. For myself, I could make quite a long list of physical and personality flaws that I have, but what would be the point? I know that I'm quite adept at beating myself up anyway, so I certainly don't need any more ammunition.

I've just started having CBT myself, and have had other counselling in the past with various degrees of success. However, the things that interest me about CBT is that first of all, it's not just about what has happened in the pas, it's related to events now, and also it will hopefully help me to change to unhelpful thoughts and behaviour patterns that I *know* I have, and *want* to change. I don't have to change anything that I don't want to, so ultimately I have control over what I do.

I suppose I have the benefit of being quite driven; if I do anything, I have to do it well, therefore I want to be a better-balanced individual (and I don't like failure, it hacks me off! :))

Keep talking to people on here; there are some good, wise people who will be very pleased to offer your their two pennyworth of advice.

[groke]

Thanks again for the reply. I've referred myself for CBT again - hopefully I won't be waiting too long.

Also, I got a sick note from my doctor. It's headed "Statement of Fitness for Work For social security or Statutory Sick Pay"

What do I do with this? Does anyone know how to fill-in the "Disability" field in that online form? The closest I can think of is "Perception of the Risk of Physical Danger", but even that's pretty far off.

[Nigel]

Hi groke,
:welcome: to NMP
When a person finds themselves in a hole, the best thing to do is to stop digging :winks:

Getting ‘creative’ with the accounts seems to be causing as many problems as it solves, and doing so with tax returns could open up an even bigger can of worms.

It would probably be best to come clean to a certain extent, but I don’t know the best way to go about it. I also don’t know a lot about benefits either, sorry. So what I’d recommend is to take your story and these forms to your local CAB for some advice. They’re completely impartial, so nothing’s gonna get back to your job advisor.

A few years ago my friend was in a bit of a financial mess and we went to the CAB to find out her options. In going through stuff he noticed she wasn’t receiving the right level of benefits, so he organised for the relevant forms to be sent. He even came to her flat – because she had mobility problems – and spent a good two hours helping us fill in the forms the ‘right’ way. He was very helpful.

“It sounds like I'm being really awkward but, I think part of the reason is that I don't want to accept these flaws. I want them gone. I don't just want to delude myself that they're not there.”

But what would happen if they weren’t seen as ‘flaws’ but a valuable part of what makes you You? Blueangel put it well when she talked about ‘accepting yourself’. All those parts – even the parts you don’t much like – are what make you unique, and make you special.

Dunno why, but I get the feeling that it’s no so much a physical person that’s being hidden under that hat and layers of baggy clothing, but a lot of painful feelings and emotions and self doubt. They’re all things that can change though.

Good luck :)
Nigel

[shyguy69]

I know what you mean I have AVPD too (undiagnosed) but I know I must have it as I too was emotionally neglected and rejected by my peer group at that critical age. I've thought a lot about it and I must have Avpd as i avoid everything social. I can relate to bullshitting the DWP with fake data or at least bending the facts but what are you meant to do other groups get a free ride, free car, bus travel extra money but us emotionally neglected and damaged folk are treated like there is nothing up with us it kinda stinks. Stinks a lot. I too struggle with relationships I don't have a gf and rarely have had one. You said so much I can really relate to I want to thank you for that, really thank you whoever you are. God bless you too, thank you.