groke
04-11-10, 05:50
Hi everyone,
I've suffered from AvPD for about 20 years. I was a recluse through most of my childhood and I've spent most of my adult life on the dole.
I suppose the biggest problem for me now is that I can't leave the house without wearing a hat and layers of thick, baggy clothing, which means that 99% of jobs are unsuitable for me. I can't work in a shop, I can't work in an office, I can't work in a lab (I have a first class physics degree that I can't use :sad:)
In fact, apart from being a postie, I'm not sure what I could do. I've applied for postie jobs by the way - always unsuccessful :weep:
After so long on the dole (as I'm sure you all know) they put you on a back to work course. I went on one before for 2 weeks. It wasn't so bad because I could wear what I liked, but some of the people on those courses are very unpleasant and I find it hard to be around people as it is. I just couldn't cope with more than 2 weeks of it.
So I took advantage of a self-employment scheme they were running through the jobcenter. You sign off the dole, but you have to go back every 6 weeks to show that you're still trading.
Even though you don't have to make any money to be on the scheme, I was worried that my new deal advisor (who was always trying to trip me up) would kick me off if she didn't see that I was earning money.
So... here's the stupid bit... I gave her fake accounts, saying that I was earning when I wasn't.
I did eventually start to make some money, but from selling on ebay, which isn't what I was supposed to be doing.
I was also claiming housing benefit, as a self-employed person. For the first 13 weeks, it's based on your estimated income (which was low), but after that they ask to see your accounts. And then it hit me... do I give them my actual accounts or the accounts I gave the jobcenter??? I know they share information and I was worried that they'd see the discrepancies and hoist me in for an interrogation. I'd get in trouble for lying, and I'd get in trouble for telling the truth.
Seeing that I was in a lose-lose situation, I came up with a third option - to stop claiming it from before the end of the 13 week period. I unregistered as self-employed and told the council (I know you have a month to tell them about a change in circumstances, and I thought I could just pay back anything they'd paid me already since I stopped being self-employed - even though I really can't afford to do that :sad:)
But instead of just cancelling my claim, they're reassessing it and the woman I spoke to seemed more than a bit suspicious, asking how I was managing financially (I'm not).
So I'm in the position now where I can't be self-employed and I can't go back on the dole. I have to give a month's notice in order to move out, and if I don't hurry up and start claiming some sort of benefit the housing benefit people are going to get really suspicious really soon (if they're not already - which they almost certainly are)
I'm not lazy. I wish I could just go out and work like a normal person, but I can't.
So ESA seems to be my only option, but I was filling out an online application form earlier and there didn't seem to be any option for anxiety or any kind of mental health problem. Here are some screenshots:
http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/1527/esaform1.jpg
http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/8085/esaform2.jpg
So what do I do? Surely there must be a way for me to get this?
I know that I'll be declared fit for work after the 8 week medical, but if I could just get it for 8 weeks that would be great. It would just get the council off my back while I serve out my month's notice on this flat.
I do have a genuine problem with AvPD. It's ruining my life. I've been in counselling (private) for nearly 2 years. I hardly have any friends, I hardly ever go out. I've never had a boyfriend (still a virgin, as embarrassing as that is to say)
And I know, logically, that I'm not half as bad-looking or unappealing as I feel. But my fears come from a very illogical, instinctive place. I was neglected and made to feel ashamed of myself for so many years, and it's hard to shake that off.
I've suffered from AvPD for about 20 years. I was a recluse through most of my childhood and I've spent most of my adult life on the dole.
I suppose the biggest problem for me now is that I can't leave the house without wearing a hat and layers of thick, baggy clothing, which means that 99% of jobs are unsuitable for me. I can't work in a shop, I can't work in an office, I can't work in a lab (I have a first class physics degree that I can't use :sad:)
In fact, apart from being a postie, I'm not sure what I could do. I've applied for postie jobs by the way - always unsuccessful :weep:
After so long on the dole (as I'm sure you all know) they put you on a back to work course. I went on one before for 2 weeks. It wasn't so bad because I could wear what I liked, but some of the people on those courses are very unpleasant and I find it hard to be around people as it is. I just couldn't cope with more than 2 weeks of it.
So I took advantage of a self-employment scheme they were running through the jobcenter. You sign off the dole, but you have to go back every 6 weeks to show that you're still trading.
Even though you don't have to make any money to be on the scheme, I was worried that my new deal advisor (who was always trying to trip me up) would kick me off if she didn't see that I was earning money.
So... here's the stupid bit... I gave her fake accounts, saying that I was earning when I wasn't.
I did eventually start to make some money, but from selling on ebay, which isn't what I was supposed to be doing.
I was also claiming housing benefit, as a self-employed person. For the first 13 weeks, it's based on your estimated income (which was low), but after that they ask to see your accounts. And then it hit me... do I give them my actual accounts or the accounts I gave the jobcenter??? I know they share information and I was worried that they'd see the discrepancies and hoist me in for an interrogation. I'd get in trouble for lying, and I'd get in trouble for telling the truth.
Seeing that I was in a lose-lose situation, I came up with a third option - to stop claiming it from before the end of the 13 week period. I unregistered as self-employed and told the council (I know you have a month to tell them about a change in circumstances, and I thought I could just pay back anything they'd paid me already since I stopped being self-employed - even though I really can't afford to do that :sad:)
But instead of just cancelling my claim, they're reassessing it and the woman I spoke to seemed more than a bit suspicious, asking how I was managing financially (I'm not).
So I'm in the position now where I can't be self-employed and I can't go back on the dole. I have to give a month's notice in order to move out, and if I don't hurry up and start claiming some sort of benefit the housing benefit people are going to get really suspicious really soon (if they're not already - which they almost certainly are)
I'm not lazy. I wish I could just go out and work like a normal person, but I can't.
So ESA seems to be my only option, but I was filling out an online application form earlier and there didn't seem to be any option for anxiety or any kind of mental health problem. Here are some screenshots:
http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/1527/esaform1.jpg
http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/8085/esaform2.jpg
So what do I do? Surely there must be a way for me to get this?
I know that I'll be declared fit for work after the 8 week medical, but if I could just get it for 8 weeks that would be great. It would just get the council off my back while I serve out my month's notice on this flat.
I do have a genuine problem with AvPD. It's ruining my life. I've been in counselling (private) for nearly 2 years. I hardly have any friends, I hardly ever go out. I've never had a boyfriend (still a virgin, as embarrassing as that is to say)
And I know, logically, that I'm not half as bad-looking or unappealing as I feel. But my fears come from a very illogical, instinctive place. I was neglected and made to feel ashamed of myself for so many years, and it's hard to shake that off.