Return to work issues! Advice greatly received!

[supersezza]

I have another thread in this section but on advice from my friend Daydreamer have taken a bit out of it to see if people can help...basically it all revolves around work and i'm really not sure what my rights and and well i'm really getting stressed and it seems to push back my recovery all the time....

had my meeting with occ health at work yest and tbh came out of it more depressed/stressed than when i went in...they r basically pushing me for a return to work date and want me to commit to trying to come in again for half a day three times a week...when i said i didn't feel ready for this they were shocked...so at the end of the meeting i had to sign a medical release form to allow them to talk to my GP about a prognosis and also agree to come in next week to do a capability assessment with HR...now i dont' want to commit to a date at this point, i feel like i get stronger and then atm work is knocking me back all the time as it's one massive step too many, i'm not sure if it's making my recovery a lot harder coz it's there all the time, so even when i feel a bit better it's in the back of my mind...today has been awful, i've had 2 nosebleeds today which is prob stress related, had a nap during the day...haven't done that for ages too and have generallly just felt like there is 10,000 tonnes on my shoulders...it all just seems too much to cope with basically.

mum tries but she just says 'what can we do' and i dont really have any answers to that....i don't have a union rep so have no idea what my rights are so maybe i'm getting more panicked than i should be?

half of me thinks, oh just stuff it! but the other half thinks well then i've got no income what so ever and also i still have to summon the braveness to get another job at some point, prob full time, do i take the hit and back-track my career or do i just keep trying and hope that one day i can return to work, even if it ends up me being off for a year (it stands at 5 months atm) and yes i know that's a long time but to me it doesn't coz i've been in my head going over things and not relaxing that whole time.

one things for sure tho i have been doing a little better recently in terms of activity if nothing else...this really feels like it's set me back again...i really dont know what the answer is but i feel like things are going to come to a head soon and i just hope i can deal and get through it without it really damaging me further i guess....

:wacko::weep::mad::huh::shrug:

[Steve37]

Only go back to work when you feel able to. They shouldnt pressure you if you're not ready. Your GP will give you the backup you need too.

[blueangel]

Hi there

I made some comments on your other thread, and I suspect that I'm going to say similar things again.

Avoidance is the road to hell, it really is. I fight it constantly as I don't want to get overwhelmed with the consequences of it.

I'm a union rep at work (and have done this for nearly 14 years now), and have to deal very often with people who have been off sick for all sorts of reasons. The one really significant thing that I've noticed is that when people have been off sick for a long time get really anxious about going back to work, even if they've been off work for a physical reason. Obviously, if you're off work because you're anxious, then it's only going to get worse.

The offer from your employers to do a phased return for half a day 3 days a week, is actually a really, really good one. I think they're being very fair, if I'm honest. Where I work I'd have to fight to get something as good as that for someone, as the expectation is that you would return for at least half time to start with, and then work up from there.

Work can actually be therapeutic, as it gives you something else to think about. There really is nothing worse than being at home and dwelling on it.

If you want my two pennyworth on this (which you mightn't by now, as you might think I'm being on the harsh side), I think you have two options:

1. Set a date for trying their suggestion - maybe in 2-3 weeks time (or even a month), but during that period, make yourself get out of the house and so things that get you into the outside world. Go out and see friends, family, go shopping, whatever. Then, stick to that date and give work a try - but give it a fair trial. This is for yourself, not for them, as by giving it a try you are managing a huge achievement that should make you feel really proud of yourself. OK, if you fail, you fail, but if you don't try, you'll never know that you could succeed.

2. Look at the whole context of the job itself. Is it really what you want to do? Do you like the work? The people you work with? The environment? If you don't want to do this job, then to be honest there is no point carrying on with it, particularly if you're not receiving any sick pay. You're not being fair to yourself by putting yourself in a position where you've got no money, and it's not very helpful to your employer, as they still need their work to be carried out, and if you don't want to be employed by them any more, they would be better off knowing where you stand on the whole matter.

If you do decide you don't want to do this job any more, that's a completely valid decision, but you owe it to yourself, your pride and your self-esteem to get yourself another job doing something you enjoy.

As I said at the start, you may think this is pretty tough advice, but I'm trying to be honest and sincere, so I hope it's helpful.

[Vixxy]

Hi there. I agree with blueangel, the anticipation is going to make it hard at any time. In fact the perceived fear of the situation won't ever be as bad as you thought it would be.
I suggest that when you go in next week you talk to them about going back, but make it on your own terms. Ask if you can try just 1 hour for the first time. Then you can assess how you feel after that, if you feel braver then you can try half a day once a week. Offering you reduced hours is a great thing, but I think 3 x 1/2 days a week probably seems like a mountain to climb at the moment. So do ask if you can cut that down to begin with.

[supersezza]

Thank you for your replies...I am aware I am going round in circles with this issue :ohmy:

I think i just fear that i'm not ready and that it'll be another let down for work and for me and that it'll end in tears again...but i'm aware this isn't a good way of looking at it!

i know all the pros etc but my head just won't give into the rational thoughts and is still spinning! but i know the longer i'm off or no amount of time off will probably make the anxiety go away totally....but i keep thinking i might get 90% better rather than 40% which i'm prob at now....i do want to go back though, i really do.

the tough advice is fine...i know i'm being a chicken, if i can now go out with my friends at the end of a bad day and talk to people for a few hours then why can't i do this in an office?

i think i'll just have to try and yeah if i dont make it then i'll have tried again i guess....i guess it's the belief, see even when i was typing that i was thinking 'yeah but you're anxious now all the time, so how is going back round people etc gonna help you, you'll get worse again etc etc' sometimes the rational part does kick in a bit but it's still like this battle....i want it all to be the same way! :huh:

and yeah after 6 months i imagine it'll kinda get to the harsh bit soon and that's gonna be no fun at all!

sigh!! :scared15::blush::ohmy:

[JT69]

Hi,

I was in a similiar boat to you in at the beginning of the year. I crashed last October and ended up being off until March. During that time I did try to go back in November and then again at the beginning of Dec but both times ended up feeling terriable and had to come home again as I just wasnt ready.

I had a meeting with HR in January and they were happy with me and very supportive as I was about to change meds again and knew that I would need more time to adjust etc.

Anyhow I did return and I work full time but started off on 3 hrs a day for a week then 4 then 5 until finally 6, I then took a weeks annual leave I had booked and went back full-time after that.

I suprised myself as I was actually o.k. but like you kept thinking I wasn't ready etc etc...the going back actually helped with my recover and even now I do still have blips but manage somehow...the distraction is key for me and my anxiety.

I think you will know when you are ready but you wont be 100% some of it has to come from within if you know what I mean.

Good luck with it all.

Jo.xx

[Jabz]

Returning is always bad, but putting it off and anticipating return is even worse. Just do it, start out slowly, i think their offer is very fair...i wish i could've had that when i returned to work.

[supersezza]

Thank you again for your replies, I have a doctors appt 2moro so I think I'll have an honest chat with her and see what the outcome is.

I know I 'should' try but every time I think of it I just get so wound up to the point of tears...surely this means I'm not ready?

I guess I feel like my chances of going back are getting slimmer and that I'm running out of options etc...it's either go back or get stuck on capability statements or something, so that feels like pressure etc and it's not really helping.

I guess I just can't connect with all the rational comments I'm receiving on here :shrug:

[supersezza]

Right day one over of this week!

Saw my GP today, she's signed me off for another month but has put on the cert that after this month we can look at a return...we'll be into Dec by then so at least if I manage it I'll soon be coming upto the Xmas break too.

So yep...still not sure how I'm feeling about it all really! Panicked unfortunately!

[supersezza]

so i had my work meeting on friday, got 5 hours sleep the night before so that wasn’t too bad! had a major wobble on the way there and was like ‘i don’t want to go in, i’m gonna cry, i can’t do it’ and then mum was like ‘i’m coming in with you’ so we had a bit of a moment in the car! i think when i’m with mum i get a bit worse sometimes as i sense her panic/fear a bit too! but i was like ‘no i need to go in by myself, dont wanna look pathetic’ so i went in by myself! the meeting was ok, pretty laid back which was good but behind it was the message, if you don’t come back soon we really need to look at things, things can’t go on as they are kinda of messages. then they said do u want to see the director, i think coz i’d mentioned last time i was nervous about seeing him again (the headmaster kinda effect i guess) but i was like oh no i dont want to, i’m unprepared etc and i dont want to look pathetic etc, so i didn’t see him…then on my way out i noticed he was in a room on his own, so i think they’d set that up for me, so now i feel a bit like it’ll look even sillier on my behalf!!

so now i guess i'm aiming for early dec for a return...now just left with the kinda same thoughts as before but i'm really gonna try, i think i have to now really....:unsure:

[daydreamer]

Yep all you can do is try Sezza, give it your best go and if it doesn't work out then at least you will have tried. Although, maybe when you get back into the swing of things it will have a positive effect on your anxiety, it might be the distraction you need, you wont know untill you try x

[Kells81]

Hiya

I got signed off work a few years ago because my anxiety was so bad and I ended up not going in for 3 months and I can honestly say that doing that made me worse. I use to feel so ill going into work each day but at least when i use to force myself to go into work I was actually doing something. As soon as I got signed off I went backwards and didnt leave the house for ages. After a couple of months I just started thinking 'is this really how I want my life to be from now on?' the answer was obiously no, so I knew I had to do something about it no matter now anxious I felt.
I saw the doctor and decided that I was going to get signed off for one month more and then go back to work. This gave me the time to get my head into thinking that I was going back. When I went back I did it gradually, the first day I went into for one hour, I was so nervous but I knew I had to do it. I then spent the next couple of months gradually increasing the hours I did before I got to full time again.
You are going to have to make yourself go back but it the only way to get better.
Yes you are going to feel scared and anxious but that will pass the more you go into work and get use to it again.
You CAN do this, you NEED to do it and if you just keep trying you will be able to do it.
All the best xxx

[supersezza]

Thank you for the kind words...been a bit 'off' since Friday just lots of negative thoughts and have been having some weird dreams etc...feel like I've stepped back a bit...I'm gonna have to put in the effort to get back to the CBT and then routine etc now, coz i'm just in my little anxious bubble atm!!

[supersezza]

just a short update, went to the doctors today to look at the letter she's written for my work, it's an ok letter even though it does cite my previous case of anxiety back in 2005 when i saw a psychiatrist etc...but i guess the thing i really hate about it is that it blurs the line between the professional and the personal etc...the letter talks about a relationship being the trigger etc and i just hate the thought of colleagues etc knowing all about me like that, it seems weird somehow and makes me feel uncomfortable.

i went to see a friend afterwards and she was like if you take all the anxiety etc out of everything and you had a chance for a different career would u feel like something different would suit you more...and the honest answer is yes, i do feel there are other careers out there which would suit me more, i'm not sure if sales and account management is really me, probably not when all is said and done...but now it feels like that is a WHOLE other thing to think about, like that feels massive and tbh i'd have to start again, i don't know i can't work it out in my head....is it worth me trying to go back anyway but with the thought of leaving? or is that just silly....kinda what i do with relationships just go into them thinking well i can get out if i want to...?! i'm just really confused at the moment!

on the plus side, well kinda plus, spoke to my GP today and she was basically that's your NHS counselling over so i have the numbers of 3 private therapists so 2moro i'm gonna try and phone all 3 and book intro appts with them, see costs etc, they are all spread round a bit so might just come down to distance too.

i dunno guys, just feel lost and confused again, i feel kinda positive coz one of the therapists was recommended to her by one of her friends and she said it really helped her etc but on the other hand i feel like i've got all this stuff to sort out but it's kinda 70% in my head etc!

soz for the waffle! x