aloneinthedark
06-11-10, 09:01
Hi Guys My Name is Tee. I'm new to this site after a friend told me to give it a go so here I am. I'm your average 22 year old girl I love life one minute hate it the next but I pretty much always hate it. When I was 16 I started a lesbian relationship with someone who was one of my closest friends at the time. We did everything together and for the first couple of months I couldn't of asked for a kinder or sweeter girlfriend. Then it turned, her family who are from a caribbean background found out about us and wern't happy to say the least. She blamed me, and so did they. I turned her gay although it was me who was in the first gay relationship when everyone knew and it was somewhat obvious that she was gay. She started drinking and started hitting me, I know when we watch chatshows on tv we think it's so easy to walk away from abuse if you have people who love you It's not and that's from experiance. I used to think well walk away or let them break you and that's what she did. I stayed because I thought I needed her when really she needed me and she trapped me into a corner and I couldn't get out.I lied to my mum about bruises and blackeyes i'd say i'd hit my head from laying on a bunkbed when really she'd punched me so hard I'd passed out. I tried to commit suicide 6 times when we were together I took pills after pills nothing worked. People ask why didn't you fight back... I did trust me I did! But after a while you give up when you realise it makes things much much worse!
Then the day came when I set myself free, she'd beat me real bad and at this point we were living in a hostel together. She was next door in the bath and I took the chance to pick up the phone and call my housephone heard my mums voice and i just whispered around 4 times help me help me help me help me and hung up because I heard her coming, I knew my mum had the adress i'd given it to her before. This was at 1.30 am and it'd gotten to 2.30 and I realised she wasn't coming to save me this time my mum was gonna let me fight my own battles. I fell asleep.. an hour later I heard banging at the door and heard my mums voice the relief was overwhelming, I opened the door and my 'girlfriend' quivvered in the sheets my mum told me to get my stuff and my stepdad was waiting downstairs. I got into the car and she rang my phone and my mum picked up and asked why she was taking me away my mum hung up and kept my phone. You would think i'd never go back.. I DID. Until one day I just said I've had enough I wanna go home and get some of my stuff and she came with me and she had to wait outside because my mum hated her now and i broke down and my mum called the police cos she wouldnt move from the front door and they arrested her and told her not to come near me.
Everything I Went through from a iron to my head to being called ugly fat useless unworthy.. to her cheating on me infront of my face tying me to the bed making me watch her have sex with someone else has made me who i am and i am a monster.
I have a girlfriend who loves me so much and all I can think about is how much i distrust her when shes away from me. I always think she's cheating. She's always acting like she has something to hide somehow somewhere I am waiting to hear her tell me i'm waiting for everything to go wrong and it hasn't and that's unreal to me.
I'm glad i can come here and talk thanks for listening :hugs:
Then the day came when I set myself free, she'd beat me real bad and at this point we were living in a hostel together. She was next door in the bath and I took the chance to pick up the phone and call my housephone heard my mums voice and i just whispered around 4 times help me help me help me help me and hung up because I heard her coming, I knew my mum had the adress i'd given it to her before. This was at 1.30 am and it'd gotten to 2.30 and I realised she wasn't coming to save me this time my mum was gonna let me fight my own battles. I fell asleep.. an hour later I heard banging at the door and heard my mums voice the relief was overwhelming, I opened the door and my 'girlfriend' quivvered in the sheets my mum told me to get my stuff and my stepdad was waiting downstairs. I got into the car and she rang my phone and my mum picked up and asked why she was taking me away my mum hung up and kept my phone. You would think i'd never go back.. I DID. Until one day I just said I've had enough I wanna go home and get some of my stuff and she came with me and she had to wait outside because my mum hated her now and i broke down and my mum called the police cos she wouldnt move from the front door and they arrested her and told her not to come near me.
Everything I Went through from a iron to my head to being called ugly fat useless unworthy.. to her cheating on me infront of my face tying me to the bed making me watch her have sex with someone else has made me who i am and i am a monster.
I have a girlfriend who loves me so much and all I can think about is how much i distrust her when shes away from me. I always think she's cheating. She's always acting like she has something to hide somehow somewhere I am waiting to hear her tell me i'm waiting for everything to go wrong and it hasn't and that's unreal to me.
I'm glad i can come here and talk thanks for listening :hugs: