Jenny85
08-11-10, 11:10
Hi everyone...
Sorry for the moan, but I just wanted to get these thoughts written down. My anxiety has been really awful lately, and is worse than ever today.
Basically, I've always had some sort of low-level problem with anxiety, but it really, really kicked off back in July this year when I tried to stop smoking. I wanted to do it for my health, and thought I had made the right decision. However, I only lasted about a day before the panic about not being able to smoke got too much and I lit up the first of many, many more cigarettes. Since then, it's been the absolute focus of my life. It's all I think about.
I went to the doctor and was referred for 7 sessions of guided self help, which have now ended. I thought I'd made progress, but now I feel I'm almost back to square one. I'm thinking of asking if I can go back, just to talk to the therapist for a few more sessions, but feel down as I don't know how much they helped. I try to do breathing exercises and "accept" my anxiety, but perhaps I just don't try hard enough.
I now only smoke about 3 cigarettes Mon-Fri (at work) and then none at weekends (when I sometimes start to feel more relaxed). Right now, my anxiety's worse than ever. I know I don't want to fall into the trap of smoking more again, as the floodgates will just open and I'll smoke millions. What makes me not want to do it is not just the fact that my fiance hates it, but that I'd hate myself for doing it.
But I feel like I can't take this. Had a hideous panic on Saturday night, seemed to come from nowhere - couldn't stop shaking and crying, and couldn't even read a page in a magazine.
Am thinking of going to doc's to ask for more long term medication (she previously just gave me beta blockers, which I take when things get really bad) but I don't know if that's a slippery slope to go down. There is so much to be thankful for in my life, and I feel tremendously guilty that I can't appreciate it. I feel like I'm starting to get very depressed.
I just want this smoking obsession to go. I heard that when most people quit/cut down, their appetite increases, but mine disappears, though I know that's the anxiety.
Any words would be so much appreciated.
Sorry for the moan, but I just wanted to get these thoughts written down. My anxiety has been really awful lately, and is worse than ever today.
Basically, I've always had some sort of low-level problem with anxiety, but it really, really kicked off back in July this year when I tried to stop smoking. I wanted to do it for my health, and thought I had made the right decision. However, I only lasted about a day before the panic about not being able to smoke got too much and I lit up the first of many, many more cigarettes. Since then, it's been the absolute focus of my life. It's all I think about.
I went to the doctor and was referred for 7 sessions of guided self help, which have now ended. I thought I'd made progress, but now I feel I'm almost back to square one. I'm thinking of asking if I can go back, just to talk to the therapist for a few more sessions, but feel down as I don't know how much they helped. I try to do breathing exercises and "accept" my anxiety, but perhaps I just don't try hard enough.
I now only smoke about 3 cigarettes Mon-Fri (at work) and then none at weekends (when I sometimes start to feel more relaxed). Right now, my anxiety's worse than ever. I know I don't want to fall into the trap of smoking more again, as the floodgates will just open and I'll smoke millions. What makes me not want to do it is not just the fact that my fiance hates it, but that I'd hate myself for doing it.
But I feel like I can't take this. Had a hideous panic on Saturday night, seemed to come from nowhere - couldn't stop shaking and crying, and couldn't even read a page in a magazine.
Am thinking of going to doc's to ask for more long term medication (she previously just gave me beta blockers, which I take when things get really bad) but I don't know if that's a slippery slope to go down. There is so much to be thankful for in my life, and I feel tremendously guilty that I can't appreciate it. I feel like I'm starting to get very depressed.
I just want this smoking obsession to go. I heard that when most people quit/cut down, their appetite increases, but mine disappears, though I know that's the anxiety.
Any words would be so much appreciated.