Terrible panic, smoking

[Jenny85]

Hi everyone...

Sorry for the moan, but I just wanted to get these thoughts written down. My anxiety has been really awful lately, and is worse than ever today.

Basically, I've always had some sort of low-level problem with anxiety, but it really, really kicked off back in July this year when I tried to stop smoking. I wanted to do it for my health, and thought I had made the right decision. However, I only lasted about a day before the panic about not being able to smoke got too much and I lit up the first of many, many more cigarettes. Since then, it's been the absolute focus of my life. It's all I think about.

I went to the doctor and was referred for 7 sessions of guided self help, which have now ended. I thought I'd made progress, but now I feel I'm almost back to square one. I'm thinking of asking if I can go back, just to talk to the therapist for a few more sessions, but feel down as I don't know how much they helped. I try to do breathing exercises and "accept" my anxiety, but perhaps I just don't try hard enough.

I now only smoke about 3 cigarettes Mon-Fri (at work) and then none at weekends (when I sometimes start to feel more relaxed). Right now, my anxiety's worse than ever. I know I don't want to fall into the trap of smoking more again, as the floodgates will just open and I'll smoke millions. What makes me not want to do it is not just the fact that my fiance hates it, but that I'd hate myself for doing it.

But I feel like I can't take this. Had a hideous panic on Saturday night, seemed to come from nowhere - couldn't stop shaking and crying, and couldn't even read a page in a magazine.

Am thinking of going to doc's to ask for more long term medication (she previously just gave me beta blockers, which I take when things get really bad) but I don't know if that's a slippery slope to go down. There is so much to be thankful for in my life, and I feel tremendously guilty that I can't appreciate it. I feel like I'm starting to get very depressed.

I just want this smoking obsession to go. I heard that when most people quit/cut down, their appetite increases, but mine disappears, though I know that's the anxiety.

Any words would be so much appreciated.

[lesyloo]

Jenny! I just gave up smoking after 25 years. I did the ;Alan Carr Easy Guide to Stopping Smoking' course. I didn't even want to quit. I rang the day before the course to say I was too anxious to come to the course. The lady said, well, it doesn't matter to me, but why don't you just give it a try and see what happens. So I did. That was 8 weeks ago. I still feel like smoking, but for some strange reason I haven't picked one up. The course told me a few really good tips.... they made us go downstairs for a ciggie (we were allowed to smoke throughout the course).... we all lit up..... all of a sudden, the instructor said "right, put out your smokes, that's it - no more smoking ever again". I freaked out. I took two more drags. And thought - I can't stop - I'm not ready. And started feeling really anxious! We all went back upstairs. The instructor then said "I'm only joking! You can smoke until the end of the course. But did you feel how anxious you all got when I told you to put out your smokes?" She then said "think about it, you were all topped up with nicotiene, but you were still panicking - so that proves it's not the nicoteine your addicted to, it's the 'idea' of not being able to smoke that causes the panic". It's true, when we feel pressured to not smoke, it makes us want to smoke more. And it gets worse and worse. We smoke to feel normal again, to stop the anxiety of wanting a cigarrette. Then the axiety comes back - we then smoke to feel normal again - then it comes back - etc etc. So for me, I don't think about anyting, except one thing..... don't have the first cigarrette. I don't think about next week or tomorrow. Just in that moment, I think, don't have that first cigarrette. It's uncomfortable for a few mins, but then a few hours go by before I get that feeling again. I'm just hoping this will become less and less over time.

I hope this helps you a little bit. Overall, I think the more you stress, the more you'll smoke in order to make you feel normal again. But it's a never ending cycle.

Good luck. I need it too!

[Jenny85]

Hi Lesley,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, and HUGE congratulations! Sounds to me like you're well and truly getting hold of this and I have massive respect for you. I bought Alan Carr's book a while back but have always been to scared to read it in case it doesn't work for me and I have to just tick it off as a failure. I've smoked for around 6 years, and used to smoke a lot more heavily than I do now. Cutting back was easy then, as I didn't obsess about it. I'm thinking I might try hypnotherapy at some point, but right now I'm just too afraid of stopping. I don't even think I use it as a "crutch" any more as I only let myself smoke at regimented times of the day, and not just whenever I feel I need it. But this anxiety and sadness is just getting away with me.

Keep going, you should be so proud of yourself - a happy non-smoker! (I read the first wee bit of AC's book. Massive respect to you. :) Jenny xx

[Joexgee]

hey jenny! i havent smoked now for seven years :D and i feel so much better for it! i did it cold turkey, just decided one day this is gonna be my last fag! and think i only slipped up once, and had a drag of my hubbys, god it was awful :ohmy: never looked back.
Although i found it not too hard to give up, my husband did as he smoked alot more than me, he got the patches and gum! they did the trick for him but i guess cos he's not the anxious type, but he was a nightmare to live with lol!
he's done 4 yrs now and i love the smoke free zone house :D
i hope you manage to kick it too! you can do it, you have done really well by cutting down already by the sounds of it. so well done!
when i felt like i was panicky and thinking i wanted a ciggie, i just got my coat on and went for a walk to get some nice fresh air, it seemed to help me x
good luck with it xxx joe x

[pegdog]

Hi Jenny

I've never smoked but I suffer terribly with anxiety and panic attacks. My husband who had smoked from age 13 - 50, just stopped one day when he ran out of cigarettes. He'd tried 'reducing' before but it never worked. He says what worked for him was saying all the time 'I'm not going to smoke today.'

I can see how that could work - he didn't get panic attacks (as far as I know) but he was a real pig for about two weeks - I just tried to be understanding :curse: LOL

I'm so pleased he's stopped because his angina has stopped too.

Good luck - you can do it!:hugs:

[Jenny85]

Hi Joe,
Thanks for the reply...well done to you and your hubby, you must feel great about it! I guess everybody's got their personal focus and fixation, and mine, unfortunately, is smoking. I understand it's probably going to be a lot harder for me to quit because of that, but maybe if I start trying to accept that, it'll make some difference. It's odd, because I can't be all that physically addicted to nicotine if I smoke so few, and don't do it at weekends - it's all just psychological.

But in any case, you should be proud of yourself for doing such a great job - so many years already! It's a very encouraging story...hope you're well today.

Jenny x

[Jenny85]

...and thank you for replying too, Pegdog, just saw your post! That's wonderful that giving up had such a positive effect on your hubby's health.

I hope you're feeling well today, thanks for the support. J x:)