Dont know how to get out of this mess

[maro111]

Hi,

Im 29 and have been suffering with anxiety/depression/ocd for about 11 years. I managed to get through uni ( a real struggle) but didn't do as well as I would have hoped. I completed the course in 2002 and managed to get some part time jobs. Unfortunately my anxiety got worse and I had to give them up. I haven't worked for about 7 years now due to the anxiety etc, but feel the anxiety is now at a level where i could get back out there, even if slowly at first.

Unfortunately any motivation/interest in life went long ago so there isn't any line of work which really strikes out at me. I'm also aware that getting a job will be very difficult due to my past. I've been thinking of mabye doing some more study, but again the lack of any interest/motivation gets in the way. It seems the only real interest i have had over the last few years is trying to sort my problems out.

I know people cant tell me what to be interested in etc as everyone is different, but i was wondering if anybody has gone through similar (getting back into work after such a long time mainly) and how they did it?, or if my situation sounds a lot like theirs.

My parents support me at the moment, but i really don't want this to go on for much longer. I want to contribute etc... but don't know which way to turn. My complete lack of self confidence/drive does hold me back but i'm sure that is mainly caused by my lack of direction and purpose in life.

Many Thanks

Mark

[Baggie]

Hi Mark

I can appreciate how it feels to be lacking in self confidence as it's been a few years since I was last in the workplace too. My reasons for this are different from yours (I gave up my last job after my daughter was born) but I think that the overall effect is similar. You just get out of the routine that work brings and with it the other benefits I suppose; stability, regular income and socialising with your colleagues etc..

When I spoke to my GP about feeling a bit lacking in the self confidence department recently, she suggested I think about doing some voluntary work, just to get out of the house. Well, it's taken me a few months to finally get around to doing something, but I've enquired about working in a local charity shop for a few hours a week, just to get back into the swing of things as I'm hoping to go back to work in the next year or two. I feel really pleased that I've managed to reach this stage. Is becoming a volunteer something which you'd think about? You could choose your hours to suit you.

When your self confidence is on a downer, you can get stuck in a rut of negative thinking and it can be really hard to pull yourself out of it.Then you become really hard on yourself. I've been there a bit myself so I do understand. I'm doing an online course in CBT called Living Life To The Full (www.livinglifetothefull.com (http://www.livinglifetothefull.com)) which is free and can be done at your own pace. Maybe you could have a look at it? It helps you to challenge negative thinking and feel more positive in your outlook. I'm not saying that it's an overnight solution but it's a good resource to work with and I'm finding that it's giving me a focus.

I think the fact that you managed to complete your degree at Uni despite feeling so bad says a lot for you as it can't have been easy, so you should be proud of yourself.

I hope that things start to get better for you soon. :)

[maro111]

Thanks Baggy for the great reply :)

A really big well done for getting to the stage your at with the voluntary. I can imagine the strength it must have taken to get to the stage of enquiring about the voluntary work! I think its the best step i can take at the moment. I did enquire about it about a year ago but i hate to say it but i bottled it, but i know i have to try again.

I think a lot of my problem is that i'm constantly reminded that the longer this goes on the harder it will get. of course that is true but i sort of crumble/rebel under the added pressure if that makes sense. It also makes me want to bypass the first steps and rush into a career, which i reasonably know cant happen. This has the effect in my mind of devaluing steps the first/smaller steps like the voluntary work etc.

Thanks for the cbt link. how are you getting on with it? tbh ive had 3 lots of cbt to no avail, but have heard lots of great thing about it. I will have another go though and use your link :)

Thanks Again
Mark

[Nigel]

Hi Mark,

Well done for getting through uni. I bet many people didn’t do as well as they hoped, and I’m sure there are some who wished they did as well as you :winks:

“My complete lack of self confidence/drive does hold me back but i'm sure that is mainly caused by my lack of direction and purpose in life.”

It could be one of those ‘chicken and egg’ things. Which came first?

It’s possible that after 7 years, any tiny sparks of inspiration are getting promptly extinguished by a lack of confidence as soon as you start thinking about them in the context of a job.

Some interesting questions you might like to ask yourself are:
What would I do or be if I knew I couldn’t fail?
What would I do or be in nobody was watching?
What did I love to do when I was a child?
The answers might give you some clues.

Take care :)
Nigel

[maro111]

Thanks for the reply Nigel!

They are really good questions which im going to take some time to think about, might re-ignite something inside of me. Self confidence i think is the major factor, especially when it comes to work. An example i guess, is that i like to do some work in the garden and have it at a fairly good standard. Visitors have even asked me if i would do theirs, but immediately the low confidence kicks in and i convince myself that im not good enough, whatever anybody says. Im not sure i would like to get into that field of work (struggle with exercise due to asthma) but it kind of illustrates the point well.

Its tough when you think that everyone is more capable/better qualified than you... at least watching 'The Apprentice' goes some way to extinguishing that lol.

Thinking about it, now I would have to say the lack of confidence came first. It definately closes mental doors, severely restricting the paths that can take in life.


Thanks Again

[Vixxy]

Hello Mark. I've been in your shoes before. My advice would be to sign up to an evening class or two, or go to an open day and see if anything jumps out at you. You could also slow your life down and take notice of everything. You never know some inspiration might hit you when you least expect it. :)

[Nigel]

“i like to do some work in the garden and have it at a fairly good standard. Visitors have even asked me if i would do theirs, but immediately the low confidence kicks in and i convince myself that im not good enough, whatever anybody says.”

Why not trust in their judgement of your abilities? Sometimes we’re too harshly critical of ourselves. Not all garden work has to be strenuous. Perhaps just accept one or two jobs that aren’t too physically demanding; and doing them on a casual basis, you could work at your own pace.

Even if it’s not your intended career, it sometimes happens that doing one thing opens up other possibilities and opportunities that otherwise would never have presented themselves. And if nothing else, it could give a much needed confidence boost.

“Thinking about it, now I would have to say the lack of confidence came first. It definately closes mental doors, severely restricting the paths that can take in life.”

I know that one only too well. Since being made redundant, I feel a lot of anger and bitterness towards bosses. I don’t want to waste anymore of my life working for one – effectively selling my life for a pittance. But I can’t imagine working for myself – not the kind of work that involves doing something for other people. So I’m just muddling by trying to do things that don’t really involve other people, but it’s not really happening.

Even my old job... I don’t particularly want to do that anymore, but even before I got so fed up and disillusioned with it, I never felt confident enough to go it alone. Suppose I always thought in terms of all the things I didn’t know or couldn’t do, then saw myself being faced with them and being unable to cope. Never been a great ‘people’ person either which doesn’t help, because having the gift of the gab helps talk your way out of problem situations.

So try and forget about a job and just think of what you enjoy. Keep those ‘mental doors’ wide open for a while and let your mind wander...

Good luck :)
Nigel

[maro111]

Thanks for the reply Vixxy!

Your right about taking notice of things more. I tend to go around in my own little bubble of worrying about my problems. I do need to give more attention and time to things, as you say might inspire me :).

I have thought about evening classes etc. Again, like the voluntary work I have to admit i chickened out. I think the key would be to find a subject that really did interest me and i would feel at ease studying and then would be at ease with the other people in the group. I am also considering getting a dog for the companionship and to get me out more etc. Then i would be able to go to obedience classes etc.

Thanks :)

[maro111]

Sorry to hear about your problems Nigel!

Although not having gone through it myself I can definately understand what you are saying (or hope i can :) ). To go self employed is a massive commitment and you do need a lot of confidence in your own abilities. Even though im sure you easily have the ability to do it, unless you actually believe that, you will struggle to feel good enough to provide a service for others.

Its a difficult situation, and can understand the bitterness and anger you feel. You must be unsure of which way to turn! what line of work are you in?

Thats a good point about the gardening mabye presenting other opportunities etc. I am hoping to get out and about more and keep the doors wide open!

Its amazing how some people dismiss compliments straight away and others thrive on them. we're a complicated species lol!

Thanks