Counselling

[Dan21]

My doc has offerd me time with a counsellor (and not the type who work at the Town Hall).

I'm really unsure of which way to progress, am I carrying so much baggage that I need to?????????? I'd feel fraudulent if I went........I think....

Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
Glide me towards...
You know something’s left
And we’re all allowed
To dream of the next time we touch...

[lildutt]

dan
dont feel like that hun
have a try and see if it does any good if not go back your docs
hope you get help soon and sorted bell xx

[Jason37]

Dan,
I definitely recommend you try it. It's unlikely to make things worse, and it could unlock something, or help you get to something, that could help you feel better. Sometimes we miss simple, obvious things that can help - I know I have!
Good luck with deciding, and with the counselling.
Take care mate,
Jason

[nomorepanic]

Dan

Yes you must go for it and get this valuable help.

If it doesn't work out then you can leave but definitely try it.

Nicola

[Dan21]

I've been thinking about things in my life that may have contributed to my anxiety and worry and I never really thought I had much going on to warrant my state of mind. But, as an exercise, I wrote down the things that I am aware of that might have brought about the way I think.

Now I'm not sure if this is the done thing, or even if its very appropriate, but I have posted some of the issues below. After reading them, does it seem to anyone that these factors may have had an impact on bringing about a fragile state of mind. A hard thing to ask, but your thoughts would be very gratefully accepted.

D

My father leaving when I was 5

Not having a step Dad until I was 10

As a child chronic fear of being abandoned

At school, long term fear of being bullied or made fun of

Guilt at not helping my Dad more with his business

Over the last two years development of chronic fear of getting ill

Frustration at lack of direction to do with career (possibly life)

Feelings of failure to do with previous careers. And feelings of guilt from failure because of missed opportunity to provide for my partner.

Consistent analysis of worst case scenarios throughout my life.

Not being able to remember the last time I felt happy for no reason, or more precisely, the last time I didn’t feel melancholy.

Feeling a need to feel guilty about being away from family back in the north west.

A constant feeling that I should do more for other people but equally, consistently fall short of my goals.

Obsessing about bad things happening to me, loved ones and friends.

General feelings of anxiety and worry

Many physical symptoms of anxiety e.g lump in the throat, palpitations, upset stomach, panic attacks etc.

-----------------------------
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
Glide me towards you.....

[Jason37]

Dan,

First off, I think you are very brave and wise to be so honest and open about the things you wrote down about yourself. I respect that, and I think it will turn out to help you a lot.

I am no expert, Dan, far from it. I am a pretty simple, straightforward person. I don't believe we are that complicated, we human beings.

But I feel, even as a layman in these matters, that I can draw a pretty clear line joining up your formative, childhood experiences and your present state of mind. The big issue centres around your feelings of abandonment, and the repeated need to be self-sufficient in life. Self-sufficient for care, love, affection and for the practical things too - a male role model for a long period, a father figure, support and attention. Small wonder then, that under these circumstances you would begin to doubt your own ability to care for yourself. You were needing care from others, and there wasn't enough. As a child, you can't replace that care from somewhere else. You can do a bit of reflex 'looking after yourself', but it can't make up for what you're being denied. No way.

And because you doubt your own ability to care for yourself, this translates directly into the fear you have that your own body will not care for itself, in a health sense. The truth is, our bodies are amazing natural systems that care for themselves incredibly effectively and efficiently. But you don't have faith in that, as you don't have faith that other things will take care of themselves too. And who can blame you? Every personal failure in life is a little reminder to you that people can leave, that the family system can break down, that the ties and bonds and structures that keep people in mutual support can be broken and abused. No wonder you are unhappy at your family being far away - it makes perfect sense to worry about it - IF your faith in the strength of the bonds that ultimately tie you to them is missing.

I am not surprised you obsess about the worst case scenario a lot. I believe it's a human reflex to do that anyway - we need to imagine the problems that may lie ahead, so that we prepare and psych ourselves up for tackling them. I recently read that our fear of loss is twice and strong as the prospect of gain - they've experimented to try and assess whether people are more impacted by the anxiety of losing something valuable, than by potentially gaining something of similar valuable. And that was the result - in ordinary, non-traumatised people! Imagine that universal attitude, but magnified by life events to a much greater degree. Wouldn't it become a serious burden on you? Wouldn't it give your brain a problem dealing with it? I think it might well.

I do genuinely believe that stress, both the kinds we are aware of AND the kinds that lie hidden from view but affect us unconsciously, translate DIRECTLY into physical symptoms and feelings. Similarly to how the adrenal glands release adrenaline - a totally physical occurence - in reaction to a 'fight or flight' type situation. Just because we aren't as good at understanding or recording some of the other pathways and mechanisms by which stress manifests itself physically in us, doesn't mean it's not happening. I believe it is.

Dan, I hope my rambling thoughts give you something to consider, somewhere along the line. I believe you will get better. I think counselling is a good thing for you to be doing. I think you have a lot of issues to work through, and dealing with them will not be easy or quick. But I also believe that both the body and the mind (brain) are programmed to heal themselves, given time and space. So go easy on yourself, take all the help that is offered to you, treat your body sensibly and gently, and take it from there. Slowly and as gently as you need to.

I really wish you well, you know that.
Take care, Dan, go well.
Jason

[Meg]

Go to the counselling and assess from it what you think after a few sessions

You have had lots of stressors and anxiety triggers in the last few years

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress