Accepting it, but feeling guilty.

[Jenny85]

Hi everyone....

I hope you're all doing OK today. Just had a bit of a shaky morning, feeling pretty down. I'm coming round to the fact that I have to accept my anxiety, and that sweeping it under the carpet is no good. But this is so hard....I keep thinking WHY can't it be as easy as before? I'm doing the breathing exercises given to me by my doctor a few times a day. At first, I was afraid of doing them because, if I felt OK, they would just remind me of being anxious (as that was why I was doing them). But I don't think I feel so bad about them now.

One thing I'd like to ask is, if anyone else does breathing exercises, it is wise to do them very regularly, even if you feel OK? In the evening, I sometimes don't want to, because I think I'm doing OK and don't want to get back into "anxious person that needs to be treated" mode.

I've cut down to 3 cigarettes a day, and am forcing myself not to smoke when my anxiety rears up, but just at regimented times, hopefully lessening the association i have with it as an anxiety relief.

Something I'd like to ask is how do other people deal with the GUILT? Guilt at how worried your loved ones get when they see you like this, guilt at not enjoying nice occasions or holidays or big meals? My fiance always says he wants me to talk to him about this, but I don't want every day of our life together to be about my problem.

[Jabz]

Hi Jenny,

Good questions all around.

Breathing, first of all breathing is a valuable tool whether you have anxiety or not, so throw that "person that needs to be treated" sentiment out of your mind. I wish i did breathing exercises BEFORE i even got my panic attacks, maybe i wouldn't even gotten them then?? Who knows, but you should do breathing exercises all the time until your natural breathing is correct. Why would you want to stop doing something that is making you a healthier person, whether you have anxiety or not. Breathing is used in yoga, meditation and pretty much every sport imaginable, it has nothing to do with you being an "anxious person" and needing treatment, it has everything to do with correcting your breathing for the better.

The problem with you is that you think that you are so NOT normal and everything you do that reminds you of the fact that you have anxiety makes you feel guilty, shameful and sad. This is a much deeper issue, that won't be solved on a forum, but the idea that you should feel guilty because you have anxiety is just nonsense. Remember that all of these emotions that you have toward your anxiety only do one thing, fuel it even more and make you even more anxious.

While panic attacks may strike suddenly and come on from "nowhere", they don't develop for no reason. Every person here has a reason for anxiety and panic attacks, they do not develop out of thin air. Your emotion toward them such as guilt is a good place to start discovering what it is that caused you to develop this to begin with, it is a good beginning to start learning about yourself and uncovering the truth about yourself, that will allow you to become a better person in the end.

[Bill]

I was afraid of doing them because, if I felt OK, they would just remind me of being anxious

Accepting anxiety means not fighting it and learning to treat it as just a natural reaction to excess stress and worry.

Taking a med each day can also be a reminder that we have a "problem" just as breathing exercises etc can also remind us. However, when we sneeze, we grab a tissue but we don't constantly hold a tissue to our nose waiting for the next sneeze to come along. In fact, the dust in the tissue would be likely to cause our next sneeze. Therefore, why not just forget all about sneezing until if or when the next one comes along? If we live in anticipation of sneezing we'll always be looking for the next one and constantly sneezing. In other words, don't constantly focusing on breathing is constantly focusing on anxiety and that's what anxiety loves because the more we focus on it the more we're likely to panic. Simpl put, if you feel panicky then use your breathing technique Before it develops into a panic but if you feel ok, forget all about anxiety because then it also forgets you.

My fiance always says he wants me to talk to him about this, but I don't want every day of our life together to be about my problem.

Why not?:shrug: You have your problems, he has his - it's all give and take in a partnership so you shouldn't shut him out if he wants to help otherwise he'll feel unwanted because you won't let him help you. He loves you so will want to feel close to you but not opening up will make him feel distant. When he needs a listening ear, that's when he'll need you...and then it'll b your turn to help him!:hugs:

[Jenny85]

Hi Jabz and Bill,

Thank you for your really thoughtful replies...

I know the breathing exercises are important, and I'm trying to do them now as often possible and have a little more faith in them. It's a hard road, this, as you'll both know - we'd all rather just be able to tun a switch off and feel better, but I know it's wiser to address it head-on.

As for the guilt, you're right...feeling like that does just make things worse. I'm trying to be happy with the steps I've made. Cutting down my smoking is a big thing, but I still feel like I constantly want a cigarette. I have to tell myself that it won't help in the long run. I hear all these conflicting messages from people, saying "don't quit smoking until you feel better" or "quitting smoking will ease your anxiety so it's better to go through a few weeks of hell to feel better in the long run." I'm not sure who to listen to, what to do....I can't imagine feeling worse than this, but it scares me that it's possible.

In my previous anxious patches, they seemed to taper off and I'd get back to feeling OK after a few weeks, but this has now been going on at one level or another for nearly 6 months.

I'm considering going to the doctor to ask about longterm medication, but I just don't know. I so wanted to work through this without it, but I'm starting to feel desperate. I don't know if that's a slippery slope to start on..

Thanks again, both of you...I hope you're feeling well today.

Jenny

[Bill]

I think whenever we try to give up something that we find comforts us, we will always feel anxious until we adjust to not relying on things we don't really need. We like to feel safe so any change in whatever form will make us feel insecure and that insecurity makes us feel vulnerable and anxious. Often time is the healer but we have to learn Patience!

I'm considering going to the doctor to ask about longterm medication, but I just don't know. I so wanted to work through this without it, but I'm starting to feel desperate.

Desperation.
Frustration.
Being Impatient.
Anger.

These all lead to tension causing stress resulting in anxiety and panics.

Learn to...

Keep Relaxed.
Ignore your feelings.
Don't resist or fight feelings.
Let feelings go through you by keeping your body calm.
Don't be intense.
Don't focus on feelings.
Don't dwell on worrying thoughts.
Try to focus on things around you.
Accept your feelings as just symptoms of stress.
Be Patient!
Don't expect too much of yourself.
Remember your limitations.

Give yourself time and chill!....and all your worries and symptoms will then melt away.:hugs: