Advice Please!

[louise0501]

Hi, i mentioned recently that i have been seeing a guy and i’m 23 years old and i have never had a relationship so i am finding it difficult but i do really want to give it a go as i do really like him. As i have social anxiety and i am very shy i do feel like he is gonna get fed up with me soon. I just don’t really know what to do or how to deal with the situation coz something else thats really annoying is i get quite paranoid when he doesn’t message me back like i messaged him yesterday and he hasn’t got back to me yet so im already panicking. i dont message him constantly or anything and i suppose its coz last year i went out with someone a few times and then he just started to completely ignore me and i found out about 6 months later that he had just got married so he obviously met someone else and couldnt be bothered to tell me so i feel like thats gonna happen again.

Any advice on dealng with the paranoia? Especially when my mum and sister are constantly asking me if ive spoken to him. Any advice on maybe overcoming my anxiety about being in a relationship?

Please reply

Love Louise X

[Anne-Louise]

Hi Louise, I suffer with really bad anxiety issues as well especially social anxiety. I met my boyfriend of 2 years the same way i've met every guy in the past, under the influence of alcohol because I never used to be able to pluck up the courage to speak to a guy without being slightly tipsy! I don't drink anymore though as I found in the long run it made my depression and anxiety worse ( and the fact I'm pregnant but thats another issue), and I would just advise you to be yourself with this guy and try not to over think things too much. I know exactly what you mean about worrying why they haven't text back or rung you; I'm still like that today with my bf but have found that if you stop dwelling on it and distract yourself thats when your phone will go,lol! Just try and relax and don't have too high expectations of the relationship, let it unfold naturally but remember that you don't need to be in a relationship to feel good about yourself ( though i could probably do with taking some of my own advice!) sorry if this isn't very helpful, this is my first time posting and sometimes i have trouble getting out what i want to say! take care x

[LucyR]

Hi, I was just wondering about the "he recently got married bit"?? Perhaps I have misread but if he is now married then he will have moved on. Sorry, perhaps I misread.

[Anxious_gal]

Dont text again if he doesnt reply , dont question him about where he was , basically dont act like his mother , dont be too clingy like if he wants to go home just say bye lol dont call him too much , dont talk about your issues too much , i under stand your paranoia i get it too but have learned not to show it , See if hes going to cheat or leave you theres nothing you can do to prevent this so you might as well enjoy things while there a good ,

[louise0501]

when i said 'he's married' i was talking about another guy i was seeing last year who just started to ignore me and recently i found out he got married so he obv met someone else but couldnt be bothered to tell me and thats where my paranoia comes from. i mean he always messges me bk even if its quite late so i think im worrying over nothing but we still have some awkward silences coz hes quite shy as well and im just worried he will get fed up with me.

[LucyR]

Hi, Yes, I know what you mean, men are hard to fathom out!