I think I'm becoming obsessed with someone!

[87sal87]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this, but it is making my anxiety worse & I'm so worried I'm gonna turn into some mad stalker. :(

I met someone recently who I have become completely besotted with. I joined a local amateur dramatics group a few months back & met him through that. He's an actor & has had a very good career & done some good some impressive stuff...abit of a 'local celebrity' I guess...
Anyway, he's been attending the meetings for awhile now & he's AMAZING!! I completely love him, he's everything I wish I was. An brilliant actor, flamboyent, happy, confident, outgoing & just....wonderful! He's so inspiring.
He's also a really lovely man, he's so friendly...one of the friendliest people I've ever met.

I'm obviously abit shy cos of all my 'problems' but whenever we speak & I tell him stuff about how I want to go into acting, he's so supportive, I think he knows I'm abit insecure, he always makes the effort to talk to me & he really makes me laugh!
We've been shown stuff from his early days & he was absolutely gorgeous...& still is, very much so!!!
& I've become completely gaga over him & I can't get him out of my head!
It's like I just want to be his friend & be around him alot really...

But it's wrong on many levels, he's ALOT older than me, the age gap would just be too much. He's married & has grown up children who are actually older than me!!! :wacko: :scared15:

AND, I did a very stupid thing last week, I got his email address off someone else in the group & I sent him an email saying who I was & just saying thanks for his support & stuff, nothing creepy or anything...I don't know WHY I did it, it was a very stupid spare of the moment thing & I didn't hear anything back from him. Now, I'm dreading next week's meeting incase he's there...it's going to be soooo awkward & I'm getting so anxious, I can't even bare to check my emails now incase there's something there from him.

I don't want to stop going to the group cos it's really helped me so far & I love acting...
Plus, I DO want to see him, but I know it's only gonna get worse if I keep seeing him...& now things are probably going to be horrible anyway because of my stupidity...

I am after abit of advice if anyone has any to offer, but I know I have brought this on myself. I shouldn't be digging myself any bigger holes when I have enough already :(
But I feel better for venting all this somewhere...

I just feel like a weird, stalker freak now & I hate myself for it :(

[cattttt]

He probably won't think anything of it. He certainly won't know what's going on in your head. He has helped you, so what was wrong with saying thank you? I know you're really embarrassed, but I wouldn't get into a state about it, just go to the group next time and don't approach him, wait for him to speak to you. It will be hard
( I know that from my own experience! ), just get involved with the others, you'll probably find it will be OK.

[Veronica H]

:bighug1:Act your socks off at pretending it never happened when you get there honey. Please don't avoid the class. We have all done a spur of the moment thing that we have regretted. So far all you have done is thank him for his support.

Veronicax

[Groundhog]

Just had to reply to this to reassure you.

I work in a secondary school as a tutor and we have to attend a certain number of internal training sessions during an academic year. The sessions are put on by senior members of staff that have an association with the course content. I did two the other week one on body language and the other on using your voice in the classroom; these were run by the head of drama (Simon). After the two sessions I felt really uplifted and they really did have an impact on how I will conduct myself in front of students in future. So much so I dropped this particular teacher an e-mail saying as much, like you afterwards I thought should I have done that, I to never had a reply. Then literally this morning a member of staff stopped me and said what an impact my mail had on Simon, it turns out no one has ever done this before and apparently he was quite moved by the fact that someone had taken the time just to say thank you.

I am absolutely convinced the gentleman in question will be flattered by your mail, he may not acknowledge it or even mention it but if he is a professional, as you say he is, he will take it as I’m sure you meant it as a compliment.

[87sal87]

Thanks so much everyone, you've helped put things into perspective abit. I've been cringing & worrying ever since I sent the email. Going over what I put, making sure there was nothing too 'bad' in there...it really was just a normal email but yet I've been worrying over it.

I feel so silly having a crush like this, at 23!!! I'm not a teenager anymore lol.
I've never been one for getting crushes on people eiether, not to this extent anything...I feel completely besotted!

The next meeting is tuesday evening, I was gonna give it a miss but then I thought I'd make myself obvious as I haven't missed one yet...! So, I'm just gonna have to be brave & face it...plus, if I don't go, it's just putting it off, which means more worrying until the next meeting...lol.

I'll let you all know how it goes...
Thanks again x

[87sal87]

Well...I went to the am dram meeting lastnight. I was absolutely killing myself with the worry, but he wasn't there. & I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing because I've been a wreck ever since. :weep:

I went in & noticed there was only our normal group leader there & we'd kind of moved on from what he'd been there to talk to us about. So I asked another member of the group whether he was coming or not & she said no & that she doesn't think he's coming to anymore meetings. It was like someone had hit me with a tonne of bricks, I just wanted to cry there & then! She told me to ask our group leader but I didn't wanna arouse suspicion so I left it...

When I got home, I was upset for ages. I would have thought that would have been the best case scenario, not having to face him, but the thought of never seeing him again is killing me & I don't even know why...he was just so supportive & lovely, I was feeling more confident in the meetings when he was there, like I was feeding off his confidence or something & I was looking forward to the meetings more...but lastnight I was back to my old quiter self, even worse so cos I was trying to hide my upset.

& I'll never know what he thought of the email I sent...if anything...

It's really hit me hard & I feel so stupid because I didn't even know him properly...I just liked him so much. :(

Thanks for letting me vent everyone, I can't really talk about this to anyone else :(

[gaaron]

Hi 87sal87,
I've just been reading through all the replies to your post. And boy did it bring back all those 'intense feelings' towards another back to life!
I'll tell you something, because nothing went on so to speak, (it was in my imagination and possibly sometimes the others), later if I see them it brings back a wonderful feeling. The feeling of embarrassment has gone and it's that lovely butterfly memory thats left.
Hey and age has nothing to do with it! 2 years ago oh wow! I didn't think I could feel like that and boy did I shake when I saw them and shake if they weren't there! Heart pounding etc....and I sent a letter thanking them, oh I could go on.
Anyhow because of past experience I knew that a relationship couldn't take place and that I knew in later days I'd look back in fond thought. So I just thought it's great to be alive and have that butterfly excitement! x

[supersezza]

judging by my mum i dont think u ever grow out of teenage crushes!

just try and enjoy it for what it is, a nice little crush! it's nice to feel like that! it sounds as though u r being rational about it as well in terms of it is probably an impractical relationship...so just enjoy but don't cross the line i guess! :)

[Going home]

You're only worrying about the email because you know how you feel about him, but he doesn't so please don't worry. I was madly in love with my English teacher when I was 17. He wasn't really that much older than us as it was his first teaching job, but he was so gorgeous and young enough to relate to us and so different from the other teachers. This was in the early 70's and he did in fact go on to marry one of my friends (he waited until she left school before asking her out I might add!) and he went on to become a famous playwrite and has alot of dramas on BBC. They're still together and I see them about once a year.

I told a long time ago him about the crush I had on him, but it turns out that every other girl in the class felt the same :blush: There is nothing wrong with a good old fashioned crush...its normal.

Anna xx

[Groundhog]

I thought you had got over this :)

As above I work in a mixed secondary school of around 100 teachers, by default some of these teachers are, to coin a phrase, ‘fit’. I have on several occasions been in classes to observe teachers (I am not a qualified teacher) and to be honest sometimes the testosterone from some of the boys is mindboggling – one particular female English teacher springs to mind. Clearly she knows she is an attractive young lady and she would be pretty naive if she was not aware of the things going through pubescent teenagers thoughts.

Now take your scenario it is much the same, if you have found this gentleman so inspiring and attractive so have countless others before you and so will others in the future, you are certainly one of many.

Having a crush is not wrong. I have a thing for an actress who, shall we say, is ‘absolutely fabulous’. I have scrap books full of pics and cuttings and pride of place on my study wall is a huge personally signed picture of her. I consider myself extremely lucky to have met her socially on a couple of occasions (She is friends of my sisters bosses brother)the first time I met her I was totally awe struck, my mouth was moving but words were not coming out, she even kissed me on the cheek:blush: and my wife would tell you I had a smile that went from ear to ear for about a month.

You really should use that inspirational moment as a base to move forward and upward, these are rare lifts that people such as us, with our anxiety issues, can use as a positive rub on how things can be if we put our minds to it. :)

[87sal87]

Thanks again guys. I've had a few days to calm down from tuesday but I still feel upset that I might not see him again. :(
I emailed our group leader & asked her about him coming to anymore meetings because it was driving me mad [I just said it was because I'd been enjoying him being there, which was true also] & she said it was 'unlikely' but she could get me some copies of his stuff if I wanted to watch them...which is sweet of her but that probably won't help lol.
She also said to keep an eye out for him being in any theatre productions in the future...so if I want to see him again I guess that's all I can do...

But at least the email I sent to him isn't really bothering me anymore as he never replied & I doubt I'll ever know what he thought now anyway...which is kind of a good thing I guess...

I don't know why I've been so upset, as you've said, crushes are intense & because I've never teally been like this before, it's just knocked me off course. & As Groundhog said, he was a rare little lift in all the anxiety issues :(

I know nothing could or would have ever happened between us, I just wanted to be near him...as silly as that sounds.
But I guess I'll just have to remember him & carry on doing my best in the am dram meetings, use the memories as the inspiration instead.

& Groundhog - That was a lovely story about the 'ab fab' actress :D