Advice please - Re-funeral

[qu3456]

Hi all,

My sister's husband has died suddenly from a heart attack on wednesday.

The funeral will be next week, don't know which day yet.

I am already in panic mode with my anxiety gone through the roof, anything to do with death, dying, funerals etc are a major trigger for me.

I have only ever been to 1 funeral in my whole life, I will usually find an excuse as to why I cannot go but I just can't not attend this one. I have always dreaded family members dying.

I do have small dose of diazepam available on an as needed prescription but I have to be very careful as I was totally addicted to diazepam (60mg a day) and was admitted to psychiatric hospital where it took about 5 weeks of hell to wean me off that dose, that was 3 years ago.

If anyone has experienced a similar situation or can just offer some advice I would be very grateful.

Thank you,

qu.

[Towers]

Hi qu,

Sorry to hear about your brother-in-law.

I also hate going to funerals and had to go to my grandma's funeral in September. I have social phobia - so was dreading going - but couldn't not go. I am on propranolol so i just took an extra tablet 10mg (a low dose) before I went which did help to calm me down. I don't know anything about diazepam so couldn't advise you on wether to take it or not.

Sorry if this might not be much help to you.

[mrsf]

Have a word with your GP. I have similar issues re funerals :( My GP gave me betablockers after my Mum died. Propranolol. Def helped.
You will get though it. Stay strong.x

[paula lynne]

Hi, Im very sorry about your recent loss.
I dont think taking a diazepam or two just for that day will do you any harm, they are prn, and it will help you through the day. I really sympathise, my mum died and was sure I wouldnt be able to go due to panic and anxiety. I took a 5mg, stayed off the booze, made it there and didnt run. Im wishing you all the best in such a sad situation x:hugs:

[qu3456]

Thank you so much for replying to you all.
I am dreading it but will probably take the diazepam.
I am already on 50mg beta blocker (atenolol) so don't think I can increase that.
Thanks again.

qu

[ditzygirl]

My condolences to you and your family.

Talk to your GP about what has happened too- grief is tough and takes its toll.

Just remember other family members will be dreading this too - not sure anyone honestly likes funerals.
This is the last thing you can do for your brother in law and funerals are emotional so no one will mind or even notice if you struggle.

Try to think of the happy times yo have had and focus on that and whilst his passing has been sudden he hasnt suffered.

I hope this doesn't sound cold - I hate funerals and usually blub and shake through them but they have to be done.

I just know you can get through this.

Good luck and be thinking of you. And here if you need to share anythingxx

[qu3456]

Thank you ditsygirl for your reply, these post replies do help.

qu

[ditzygirl]

ur welcome sweetie anytime, i hate funerals so understand completely. But not sure how i feel if i didnt attend.
Funerals can be empowering - giving your loved one a great send off, its part of ur grieving process.
Not sure of ur situation but you could treat the funeral as a celebration of his life - its a bit easier to get your head around.
It will still be emotional but just a thought.

Whatever happens - do ur best and here for YOU anytimexxx

[paula lynne]

thinking of you, let us know how you are x

[qu3456]

Hi all,

I am just back from the funeral.

It was a very bad day for me, but at least it is over now.

I didn't sleep a wink last night and actually threw up several times anticipating what was to come.

I did take some diazepam (6mg) and I think it helped the panic a little but not as much as I would have liked.

I ended up sitting with my family at the front with the coffin in full view and I don't know why but everytime I looked at it it was if I could see right into it and it was me lying in there not Rob, I actually had a vivid picture in my mind that I was lying in the coffin, weird I know but I couldn't help it.

After the service I just could not face the burial and definately not the socialising afterwards and made my excuses and left for the journey home. All the way home I felt guilty I had not stayed for the rest of it.

I still feel quite ill, but keep telling myself it is anxiety , but think it will take a good few days to get over it.

Regards,

Qu

[paula lynne]

Hi Qu, well done for going feeling so ill. Im sure your anxiety will start to abate now. Dont feel quilty about not socialising, you were there for the important part. I have my grans funeral in 2 weeks, so will be asking my gp for some valium, and taking the advice I gave you!..no booze..makes me crazy.

I hope you feel better soon, Im sure you will. Youve done so well, the worst is over now, well done for facing it all. take care x Paula x

[ditzygirl]

oh sweetie, you should be really, really proud of yourself. you did the most important and hardest bit.

i always struggle at them - I know i am going to have to face at least one in the very near future and Im dreading it.

Don't beat urself up for what you didn't manage, what you DID achieve is way more important. You can always go to the grave in your own time - you will find a way of getting through this.

Take it easy, your brother-in-law would have appreciated your hard effort todayx

Thinking of you and your familyx

[PoppyC]

Well done for going. Funerals are never easy for anyone, but I feel it is important to say Goodbye, but if we cant then we can say Good bye in other ways.
When my Dad died - it was unexpected - I spent a whole night at the hospital just being sick - after seeing him. I just couldnt stop being sick and going to the toilet.
I never went to a funeral in the whole of my life and then suddenly my best friend died, then my dad and then my mum within 2 years.
It was so hard going but somehow I just went along with it and then it was all over with and I am glad that I went. The worst bit was the worrying beforehand about how I would cope.
The funeral will take a few days for you to get over I am sure. I was exhausted for days afterwards and very emotional.Looking back now it was just very horrible and it really does take it out of you emotionally.
Watching my parents coffins I really could not imagine they were in there and the vicar said to me that it was not them, just their bodies, their souls had gone beforehand. My family saw them, but I just couldnt - I wanted to remember them as they were alive. My Dad had died a month before he was cremated so I didnt think he would look anything like him.
Its too upsetting to get into for me at the moment, but one thing is for certain, that as time goes on, it does become that bit easier to deal with.
Hugs to you
:hugs: