ESA is making me worse!!!!

[ButterflyWings]

i recently received an IB50 form, i filled it out with as much information as possible, and took advantage ot the A4 section at the back for "any thing else you think we need to know" i scribbled away about how i cant do this, how my partner does the food shopping and my mother buys clothes for my little girl , all of the general agoraphobia stuff

well my partner made a casual comment about how the government is cracking down on benefits , so i checked it out and i heard about ESA, the more im reading the worse im feeling ,
before all this came to my attention a have been struggling with my anxiety so a last week i visited my GP and he has put me forward to see the in house councellor, the reason i wanted to talk to someone was because i was feeling anxious and wanted to get a handle on it before it got out of control, but NOW i will be talking about my fears of being thrown to the wolves ( forced employment )
when i was originally diagnosed i felt i could exhale as i was now "noticed" after all these years of doctors looking at me me like this :huh::shrug:when i tried to tell them i didnt feel "right", i was given IB and a CBT and no one was pushing me in the back to get on with "normal" life

the CBT suggested we stop the session after weeks and weeks of appointments as i was not progressing , there was nothing more she could do for me. i had to agree, the sessions were becoming pointless because i just could not put the "training" in to action

i spoke to my partner last night and explained that even if i do pass the medical and get put on ESA that i will have to visit the jobcentre regularly and have to get a job, when i explained to him that i cant do this he just told me that i will have to,
im feeling very low , i keep sobbing all the time , the past 3 days have set me back YEARS

so so sorry for the long rant :unsure:

[paula lynne]

Hi again, I had a medical 2 weeks ago, re-dla. Had a letter yesterday, I now have to go to the jobcenter a week monday to see my "personal adviser" Ray...to help me back into work etc. Gosh, I was in Uni for 4 years, got my masters in nuerosurgical nursing, and I worked hard before my illness, all this as a single parent. Do they think I DONT want to work? Of course I do....just compounds my feelings of worthlessness all this interigation stuff.

If I was capable of work, Id be able toTake my son to school, and pick him up
Go to the cinama/out for a meal
Go on holiday
Go to the shop
Enjoy time out with friend/have a social life
In actual fact, ANYTHING that involves being spontaneous and going out.....
Do they think I WANT to be like this?
Id do ANYTHING to be how I was before....dont beat me for it mr jobcenter man, do they want blood? So low about it, they just make it worse. Im sorry you feel so crap, your not alone ok. Just be who you are, illness and all, and tell it like is. Youre not alone x

[Vixxy]

Hi, the current press is pretty scary I must admit. Please try not to jump the gun about the benefits. you might still be accepted. As much as the government would like to kick everyone off benefits they can't. People are sick and need looking after.
If you've filled in your form well they will see that you are in need of help. If they do refuse benefits then you can ask your GP if he can advise you on what to do next.

[Vixxy]

If I was capable of work, Id be able toTake my son to school, and pick him up
Go to the cinama/out for a meal
Go on holiday
Go to the shop
Enjoy time out with friend/have a social life
In actual fact, ANYTHING that involves being spontaneous and going out.....


I think they assume we're doing all these things to be honest. I'm the same, why would i be ready for work if I can't even go on honeymoon with my husband, or on a date with him? In fact we can't even go to the supermarket together!
But we're all just skiving aren't we? We sit at home pretending to live in our own bubble of hell when in reality we're out on the town every night and going on holidays with our super generous benefits!
It does make me mad the way they treat people with mental health problems.

[paula lynne]

completly agree Vixxy. Its hard work isnt it. No-one can make us feel any worse than we already do. People are so complacent regarding this problem. No one wants to feel like this. People who think we do...well perhaps they need a mental heath evaluation. dreadful state of affairs that we are all tarred with the same brush. Im sorry about your honeymoon, maybe next year.......xxxx

[ButterflyWings]

ive battled ( and i mean battled lol ) this illness for years, its taken a long time but my life is much smoother now, ( until ESA that is, now its nose diving )
but everything i do is done with serious military precision , if i go somewhere i need to know the lay out of the place, so when i walk in there im not flapping and being noticed,
i can take my daughter to school but again its all military, my mother drops my 2 nephews off at the same school , i go VERY early and let the crowed build up around me instead of walking into a crowd and i stand with my back to them so i never know how many people are really there, my "safe person " is ( shamefully ) my 4 year old daughter until i see my mother and when i pick her up my mother is there, she goes very early and i stand with her, and minutes before the bell goes we split up and go to the entrances we need to.
we have a caravan and thats what we do for holidays etc, ( im not sounding very agoraphobic right now i know lol ) but i dont use the showers on a site i use the caravan one, i hate it in the summer when sites are busy, and now my daughter is of school age we only go in the school holidays, where before it was just a couple of old dears knocking about lol
i occassionally socialise but i prefer to avoid it, i need a couple of drinks in me first

[ButterflyWings]

paula do you have to sign on for it ever 2 weeks, can you give me as much info as possible please

[paula lynne]

No love, it was for DLA, so I have a medical every 6 months. There must be some info somewhere on the web that you can read? x

[ButterflyWings]

is DLA being wipped out too?
ive looked for the 2 weeks sign on thing but nothing comes up ,