Anxiety returning

[evekins]

This is a long story and I hope it is relevant to this forum.

My daughter got friendly with a lovely boy over a year ago. She is now 16 but was only 14 when she met him.
The problem is that when she first started seeing him his mother totally disapproved. She first phoned my husband and said her son was going to do medicine and had no time for girls. She was quite calm. She phoned me a few weeks later grumbling again but was still quit calm.

[Vixxy]

More to come I assume? :D

[evekins]

Sorry, I tried to edit my post because I pressed the wrong button and sent it by mistake!
The boys mother kept phoning when he was with my daughter and gradually the messages got more offensive. It turned out that she had had some sort of brain illness and does this a lot with his friends parents. However, she holds down a good job and drives.

The last time she phoned was two weeks ago when my daughter and her son went to London for the day. I had bought the tickets and his grandparents approved and paid for them. They had a wonderful time but whilst they were coming home she left 5 horrible messages on my mobile. I couldn't listen to all of them because she was so venomous. I eventually spoke to her and she said some really nasty personal things about me and she doesn't know me. My anxiety came back with a venegance. I had to phone her son to get her to stop phoning me and it ruined their day. Things have not been the same and I think the two of them will split up soon.

My little girl looks drained and my son wants me to take an injunction out against his mother.

Apparently I shouldn't take her remarks personally, this is what she is like but I am devastated and losing weight and very anxious.

[Vixxy]

Is his mum married or could you speak to his grandparents about this? It seems a shame that she's going to ruin your life and possibly their relationship too.
Maybe you could speak to BT/service provider and get them to block her number from being able to call you?
I can totally understand how her comments are getting to you and bringing you down. Instead of trying to ignore her comments, maybe you could ask your family to tell you good things about yourself. Try to flush out all that negativity and put some positivity in its place.
Please don't let this woman break you down.

[evekins]

Hi,
No she isn't married now but may have been.
His grandparents are far too old unfortunately and I wouldn't want to stress them.
Apparently she wont listen to anyone who tries to reason with her.

I think the kids are in the process of breaking up which is sad but maybe a good thing too-if you know what I mean.
The trouble is this boy has been to my house stressed because his mother has had a go at him and unfortunately I know more than I should and have got too involved.
I don't want to go through this again.
She has been so bad in the past that social workers have been involved. She is supposed to be highly intelligent with a masters degree. She is just 'ill'!
Rudeitis and nastyitis.

I think people with anxiety are sensitive and kind which makes them vulnerable to people like this.

[Vixxy]

Yes unfortunately we take things to heart as our emotions are all over the place. I had some nasty comments said to me today and my first reaction was, PANIC! So silly that I take it to heart, it's been getting me down all day too. So I completely understand where you are at the moment.
It's sad that she is effecting her son so much, but it's up to him to deal with it in his own way. If he needs to vent listen, but try not to get too involved.
Some people excuse their rudeness for an illness, which I find insulting. There are plenty of people who are I'll and yet remain nice. Yes we all slip up and get a bit over the top, but this lady sounds like she has no idea of what she's doing! I pity her and her family!

[evekins]

Thanks Vixxy,
Your comments have really helped.
I agree, this 'lady' does have no idea of what she is doing. I know I am not the first person to suffer at her hands. However, when you have anxiety everything can seem so much worse. I hope you are feeling better today.
I like to think that I have never been deliberately nasty to anyone - it can really hurt.

[Vixxy]

You most likely haven't. I think Anxiety makes us much nicer people to be around as we understand that unkind words can have devastating effects on other people. It's a shame that she has no idea what she is saying or the power of her words! And a shame it's aimed at you :(
If she says anything mean to you again try to keep in your head that you should be pitying her and everything she is saying is no doubt her opinion on herself and not you. As you said, she doesn't know you, so the things she says are just rambling from a disturbed person.

[evekins]

I have said that before on this site.
People with anxiety are the kindest, most thoughtful people you could ever wish to meet. We would never hurt anyone because we understand how others can feel.
I don't think of anxiety as an illness, just a heightened state of awareness that can make you feel lousy.

[Nigel]

Hi evekins,

I’m a bit like that too – taking things too much to heart. But the silly thing is that it’s ourselves who are making us feel bad, not the other person. We can choose whether to let those comments hurt us or whether to just ignore them. So why do we always seem to opt for the option that causes the most pain :doh:

“I don't think of anxiety as an illness, just a heightened state of awareness that can make you feel lousy.”

That’s a brilliant way of looking at it. In fact it’s probably a very accurate way of looking at it. Looking at it like that makes managing it much more doable, I think.

Take care :)
Nigel