Partner is giving me the cold shoulder :o(

[mandiemae]

I tried to talk to him the other night and hasnt spoken to me much since. He is snapping at the kids and its making me feel to blame.

If i hadnt tried to say anything and did my ususal pretending all is well, we wouldnt be here just now. I feel im damed if i do and damed if i dont, quite a familiar feeling. He has no patience and because he isnt getting the leg over, he thinks i dont love him. I feel im between a brick wall and a stone and dont know what to do.

i so long for emotional support just now from the one closest to me. He is now working back shift and i hardly see him. he is not even making an effort to go to sleep sharp to get up at a reasonable time, instead up all night and sleeping till well into the afternoon. I cant cope or be more flexible to his hours as i have kids to get up for school, feed etc. He does what he wants, when he wants and expects me to fulfill his longing for nightly activities that im just not upto or want. i struggle to cope on a daily basis anyway and this is adding to the pressure to be "normal" and be on top of everything.

Amanda XXX



whats for you wont go by you

[tnt808]

Amanda.

I am sorry you aren't getting the support you need from your partner. It is so important for us to feel like we have SOMEONE on our side. I hope that you have other people that you can turn to, because you really need it.
Just know that you have all of us on here to help you get through!

Tina

[sal]

Hi Amanda i am feeling for you and know just how it feels. It is staring him in the face and he cant see it but on the other hand he doesnt have a clue how you are feeling.

Try to explain how you feel to him and i understand that isnt easy, but you need support and reassurance from him.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[Jason37]

Amanda,
This is kind of a tricky one for a bloke to reply to.
I can see that you are being starved of affection and warmth, and I know how incredibly suffocating that is, I really do.
I also know what it's like to go a long time without sex, and how that can make a bloke feel (unattractive, unwanted, threatened). Unfortunately I think a lot of blokes see affection and sex as being much closer-together things than maybe women often do... I don't know if this holds true universally or not.
Somehow he needs to know and be reassured you are not off sex because you are off him - difficult I know, because actually his behaviour IS making you go off him, understandably. This won't solve all the problems, but it might reduce one problem.
I feel quite uncomfortable hazarding what the man's point of view might be in this situation, but I thought it might help seeing it like that. I know it is all too much to cope with, and I'm really sorry.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Jason
xx

[Southern_Belle]

Mannie,

I know this may sound terribly old-fashioned but when I want to speak to my husband and he acts like this I wait until his day off when he is relaxed, make his favorite dinner and after he has eaten and relaxed, (like I said before) then I try to talk. I also tend to preach so I have to watch that and I also have to really listen to what he is trying to say which is hard as he usually doesn't say very much. I know deep down he cares as yours does. I think this thing scares them and when they are scared they close up. That is just my theory anyway. He is probably looking for affection from you for reassurance that things are still alright. He is probably doing this unconsciously. You want to talk and he wants to you know what. It is the universal difference between men and women, always has been lol. I know exactly what you are going through and eventually he will hear you, maybe not all of what you want him to hear but some of it. But we will always be hear for you. This forum has helped me so much, just knowing there is someone here that will hear me! PM if you want to talk. :D

Bel

Bel

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Amanda, I think all partners are the same (I don't mean male sufferers of anxiety & panic disorders before you all lynch me lol!!). When you have anxiety/panic & your partner doesn't, you very rarely find a compromise that will work. At first they'll be sympathetic, but after a while, when the tea isn't on the table, the house might be a bit of a mess, you aren't exactly looking like Cindy Crawford & the last thing on your mind is sex, then they become ruffled! It disrupts their life & what they are accustomed to. Its frustrating enough for us, so imagine how they feel. I'm on my own now, but I always found myself trying to "cover it up", but it just didn't happen. You are coping as best you can, especially with the kids & its great that you are putting them first. They depend on you Amanda, you partner could fend for himself if he had to. He's probably feeling a bit vulnerable right now, we all would ask questions if our partner was putting us off in bed, I certainly would, I'd probably accuse him of seeing someone else! I can understand how he's feeling, he may think you've gone off him but only you can reassure him that you still love him very much & this is nothing to do with anything he has done but ask him to try & be a bit more understanding & a bit more supportive.

I hope it gets better soon for you.

Les, xx

[Robertc160882]

Hi Amanda,

I can see were you are coming from and it is probably something we all have suffered at one time or another. I agree with Jason men do create too much of a link with affection and sex, I think what you just need is a big cuddle (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))). It is very hard and I have had my moments with my partner and I know what it feels like.

Given our condition we don’t feel confident and relaxed and one thing about been close with someone is you want to feel relax and I think you would be doing him and injustice if you went along with this just for the sake of it. It may well be that you need to have some harsh words only if you feel up to it, I know I didn’t look forward to arguments when I was really bad.

I really do hope you sort this one out and everything settles down and I’m sure it will because you seem as if you have been happy before so just a case of finding it again.

Robert

[mandiemae]

Thanks to all you guys for replying. It is very reasurring that its not just me. we still havent talked and seem to be avoiding each other (seems to be the easiest option, for the moment) nearly a week now. indeed its lots of cuddles im needing.

I have perked up a bit the last few days. I was advised the other day, by pure chance, that i may have grounds for consrtuctive dissmisal from my job that i resigned from at the end of dec. i saw a lawyer and the case is going to tribunal as it would seem i have a fairly strong case. the lawyer specialises in employment tribunal litigation, he knows his stuff alright.

thanks again dudes

Amanda XXX

whats for you wont go by you

[Meg]

Hi Mandie

Partners How Do Yours Cope?? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=61)
Help for the helpers? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5013)

sex?! no thanx! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4302)
Cipralex and sex (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2485)
personal question (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3758)
Sex Life??? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5037)


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress