finally facing it head on

[Katie6]

Hi everybody
I posted on here about a year ago, but since then other than the odd nosey about i haven't been an active user of the site.
This time last year i had moved house 80 miles so i could have some family support for me, my husband and my children. i had been ill to the point of being bedriiden and had not registered with a new gp as i felt what was the point, i had M.e which nothing can really be done for and anxiety, which i deep down knew i had it but was not prepared to openly admit to family and health professional that that was a prob, also i was so unwell i couldn't attend the doctors surgery, my previous doctors would never visit me at home so why would any other doctor agree to do so.

In the end Dec 09 i decided to bite the bullet and contact the local surgery explain how unwell i was, and the doctor agreed to visit me at home, arranged to run a whole lot of blood tests (some of which had never been done before) so you could imagine my joy when some things showed up in my results, it showed i had a very low b12 and i had anti-bodies which are indicitive of sjogrens syndrome, i get monthly injections of b12, the nurse visits me at home and i am under the care of a rheumatologist who is monitoring me and unsure as of yet whether my anti-body tests or anything significant.

2 years on form the start of this living hell i am still very unwell and bedridden 98% of the time, i have no life and by that i mean i miss out on all the good bits and miss doing things with my 2 children. It has got to the point recently that not only i am i missing the good bits i am missing the essential bits in the last month i have had to cancel my smear test, dentist, my rheumatology appointment M.E centre appointment. I am very lucky that the doctor and nurse always visits me at home but i can't have that with everything. A few weeks back i thought it was time to take action and see what other options are avaliable to me, i spoke with my GP and asked if i could be refered to the community rehabilitation team to try and help me get back on my feet and start finding a way to live with the illness and manage some quality of life, within 2 weeks of asking my GP they visited me at home and after a consultation they went away and decided that it would be best for me to see the neuro o/t, my first appointment is later this month, i also asked to see the psychologist, as i feel that my anxiety which i have had on and off for 17 years is begining to hold me back and i am scared that if i don't get help with that, i will never recover, i find it hard to tell if the illness is causing the anxiety or the anxiety is causing the illness. i have never been honest about the extent of my anxiety to anyone not even wheni had cbt, i haven't been totally open as to why i want to see the psychologist but i now feel ready to open up and deal with this head on.

I still have terrible symptoms 24/7 i am constantly dizzy/weak/faint i sometimes get vertigo, i feel weak, which i describe as jelly legs, which feel like they are also lead, i am constantly exhausted, i get a heavy feeling in my chest which sometimes makes me feel like i can't breathe, i get tinitus, sinus problems, headaches, ibs, nausea headaches, i feel constantly on edge, sleep disturbance, balance probs, sweaty palms and feet, palpatations, the list goes on. But with the help of the fantastic healthcare i receive hopefully i can recover form this adn come out the other side a stronger person. Sorry about the long post, but i wanted to tell my story and hear from any others with advice of how i can cope with all i have to deal with soon

[Groundhog]

Well you have taken the first big step by making the decision to grab this anxiety demon round the neck and showing it whose boss – well done you.

You probably don’t need me tell you that a lot of your symptoms will be eased or disappear when you get more mobile and start to get out and generally do more.

You have also hit on another good point – being open. When I first went to my psychologist she said ‘don’t hold back tell me all, you will not shock me’ so I did and she wasn’t shocked in fact we have had a good laugh at some of things I thought taboo.

Let it all out and go for it.

Oh and welcome:)

[Katie6]

I am hoping alot of these symptoms will ease, as i have treatment for the B12, the possible sjogrens syndrome shouldn't make me feel this ill according to the rheumatologist. I won't know for sure whether the chronic fatigue is caused by the anxiety or the anxiety is just and added extra to the illness, only time will tell. I will be having treatment for both so hopefully i will get some quality of life back.

I do find it hard to understand my anxiety, there is nothing specific i seem to be anxious about just seem to get anxious over anything and everything, i used to be very anxious over health issues and used to live at the doctors/hospital and think that every tiny little symptom is something major, but i don't feel like that anymore, i know nothing is seriously wrong i just tend to worry about how i feel now, but i do have a very big phobia of fainting, so maybe thats why i suffer so bad with dizzyness???

[Nigel H]

It's possible that at this stage your fear of fear, is even what's creating the anxiety itself!

The fear of fainting and concentrating on that (not deliberately, I know) because you have a certain level of anxiety that makes you worry about fainting - that may affect your breathing rhythm and add to dizziness maybe.

Have you fainted in the past and so have negative associations with what happens to you if you faint somewhere?

nig

[Katie6]

I have had a few strange experiences, and kind of near fainting experiences, i think the fear of it began 17 years ago when i was at school, i felt very dizzy weak and almost fainted, i have suffered since then, i would go as far to say i have been dizzy almost the whole time since then with very little breaks from it. Also a couple of years ago, when my health was declining i collapsed at my childrens school, i was feeling very dizzy whilst waiting for them it got more and more intense, eventually everything went very weird and blurry and kind of slow motion, i ended up on the floor, i am not sure whether i fully lost consciousness or not, but i was unable to get up of the floor and somebody called an ambulance. I hate being in situations where i cannot leave, and also hate drawing attention to myself, which is ironic for someone who once studyied performing arts ha ha

[Nigel H]

That is no surprise to me - since it is events like that, where we create limiting beliefs which we then filter our future experience of life through.

In something like that - a 'significant emotional event' - it's common the decide unconsciously that it is important for us to avoid something like that happening again. We have a number of negative emotions associated to the event and live with them.

You may be angry at yourself for reacting that way, or feel guilty for some reason - or hold a fear of it happening again and what that may mean to you. It is possible to let go of these old emotions and limiting beliefs and actually leave the past where it belongs, having learnt from our experience and move forward with a fresh perspective.

Time Line Therapy® was formalised by Tad James and I recommend you look at his website and read the parts on Negative Emotions, Limiting Decisions/Beliefs and Anxiety.

www.timelinetherapy.net

It is a highly effective method - giving tangible results in a swift time-frame.

I'll happily answer any questions you have.

Nig

[Katie6]

Thank-you, i will have a look at the link now. I have a long way to go and i think it will be a long and slow process, but the prospect of starting a physical type of therepy with an occupational therepist after 2 years of virtually being bedridden is not enough, i felt if i didn't move forward with the psychological therepy it may hold my recovery back.

it may not help at all but i need to know which came first the chicken or the egg x