chronic low grade depression

[W.I.F.T.S.]

A CBT therapist gave me a CD in which the guy talked about chronic low grade depression ie. not being majorly depressed, but not getting much enjoyment out of life either.

I feel like I've spent almost my entire life with CLGD, with the exception of a bout of depression when I was 18, another when I was 21 and the 3+ year one that I am currently experiencing.

I was a late starter with girls and when I did eventually get my first girlfriend at 22 it was the happiest time of my life and it lasted for about 6 months (the relationship lasted for 4 years!). I felt really appreciated, I felt special, i felt accepted and because I was spending time in London I felt like I had really arrived and that I had started living.

I didn't enjoy childhood at all. I just wanted to wish it away and be grown up and able to do my own thing.

Anyway, I think the main reason why I have always been depressed is 'fear'. I've always been quite passive, put things off and not been assertive. So, obviously, I've not been getting what i want out of life. I've been afraid of failing and afraid of succeeding because of the expectation that would follow it.

I've always been socially quite awkward too, but I guess that is because I haven't developed confidence from doing things that I enjoy and that I'm good at and so I don't feel enthused myself when I talk. Also, I've also been very tense and serious, which doesn't help, and very critical- a terrible combination.

I have come to the point now where, on the one hand, I feel like 'oh no, I've always been depressed, so I always will be' and on the other hand I think 'well, I can finally put my finger on why I haven't be happy, so I can start to do something about it'.

I'd be interested to know what other people were like before they started suffering with depression and panic attacks.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[Bubbles1978]

Loved your quote !!! - I think its important to know that all people in the world, whether they have ever experienced full blown anxiety and/or depression or never experienced it definitly do have periods in their life when they have not felt happy/depressed or felt nervous, etc. I think what you are doing is allowing this 'label' to make you feel like your whole entire life you have been somewhat depressed. There may of been circumstances in your early life that made you feel depressed (ie; I got bullied which knocked my confidence and self esteem and I learnt to withdraw and think bad thoughts )Then your mind has learnt this way of thinking and feeling and then this has become habitual to you. This then at times made your depression worsen and in other periods may of lifted to a more capable way of managing it. I am not someone who has never experienced what you are experiencing. I am in the throws of the most severe anxiety and depression I can handle. But i am determined to get better. I have suffered on and off for six years and all i have done is took anti depressants and then tried to come off which then lead to the anxiety and depression returning. I have had labels thrown apon me and doctors not really doing anything but dishing out pills. But, i think our brains have learnt this way of behaving, feeling and thinking and it has become a learnt behaviour that we have now got so accustomed to it we feel we cant change it. And if you are like me and suffer physical symptoms you cant understand how you have made your body behave like this. But we have, we all have. Its not our faults. We dont know we are even doing it. But we have learnt and programmed our brains to behave, think and feel this. I am now attending CBT and I have discovered this therapy called the Linden Method and I have this really strong feeling its going to work. This is coming from someone who, at the moment is pretty much house bound, cant go to work and is feeling at times suicidal. But something inside me is saying this is the right path. No amount of drug giving is going to magic away this. I really feel that its about hard work and reprogramming ourselves. It has took me years to believe this and i am finally accepting that this sounds more like the answer. Please dont let labels be stuck upon you. Because as soon as we allow labels to be thrown on our heads then you are saying ok this is me, I am never going to change and I have to live like this for the rest of my life. You don't, you deserve so much more. It might be hard work but nothing comes from nothing.............good luck xxx and never ever give up xxx
I am not selling this guys website - but maybe check it out www.lindenmethod.co.uk. I have just ordered mine. And about to start it Monday. Who knows - but its worth a go.

[Keitharcher]

Hi

I think you have answered your own concerns. You just feel that you are not meant to be a winner. Wel I can tell you you that you are. You have identified your problems and how to deal with them. I just wish you luck in dealing with them remember big mountains can be excauvated by shoveling the dirt away one spade ful at a time

Keith