Intersted in agoraphobics views...

[bottleblond]

Hi folks

I'm interested in all opinions here , mainly any agoraphobia sufferers.

Right, i have lived in my home for over 9 years now. The past few years my agoraphobia kicked off huge time and at one point, i couldn't even go out my front door. I'm not that bad now as i can make the short journey to my local shop and post office.

My time here has mostly been great because i was lucky enough to have two very close friends on my doorstep. My best friend Mo who lived right next door and my dear friend Nettie just in the next row.

Nettie moved over a year ago now. She has moved down to Yorkshire with her lovely family and fabulous boyfriend. She still comes to visit me which i love.

Mo moved a few weeks ago. Not drasticly far away but not within walking distance for me, and of course i still see her also.

As alot of you will know, although i do like it here, ,myself and my son Ben have had quite a crappy few years with nasty neighbours and Ben being bullied.

Anyhooo...Out of the blue, i heard of a couple wanting to do an exchange. It's in the same street as my mum and in the area i was brought up in. I contacted the couple, they came to view my house and loved it and of course i think theirs is fabulous and perfect for me and Ben. So we have put in for a mutual exchange and hopefully, things will go smoothly and within the next few weeks we should be swapping homes. It's only about a 7 minute drive from here but being agoraphobic, i have a couple of issues and was wondering if anyone else has been through similar.

I think i speak for most agoraphobia sufferers in saying our home is our 'safe place'. BUT can we transfer our safe place if we move house?

Has anyone found their agoraphobia has improved by moving to a different area or has it gotten worse?

I'm just really curious how others have coped under these circumstances.

Any feeback would be appreciated.

Thank you

Lisa
xxx

[margaret jones]

Hi Lisa
How lovely that you are moving nearer to your Mum Re the agro sorry have not had experince of moving house whilst suffering from Agro but I think that when all your things are in your new house you will be at home straight away so therefore Safe xx
:D

[KK77]

Oh my dear friend BB...

You know I'm not agoraphobic, and I know you struggle at times, but I think you've done very well in not only improving yourself but in bringing up your lad Ben.

I think a lot of us with anxiety, not just agroaphobia, see our home as our "safe place" but I'm sure you'll settle in quite nicely if all goes to plan because as you say it's an area not only very familiar to you but also very near your mum.

Always wish you well BB and here for you mate.

X

[Kells81]

Hiya

My safe place has always been my parents house, even though I lived away from home for years I always had to go back there everytime I had a panic attack or felt anxious-alot of the time I ended up spending most of my time at my parents 'safe house' rather than my own-which completly made it pointless moving out!
Anyway, about a year ago I was having a massive panic attack at my house and couldn't get back to my 'safe house' because the traffic was really bad. I had to stay at my house and just get through it. Although it was horrendous at the time afterwards it made me realise that I could actuallly stay at my house when I was feeling bad and I would be fine. My mind then knew I had another safe house.
So what I am trying to say is that even if you do struggle with having to adapt to a new safe house, you will be able create a new safe house and enjoy your new home.
Good luck with the move-it might even help your agrophobia once it realises you can move safe houses as what is to stop you creating even more safe houses!

[bottleblond]

Thank you Margaret, me lovely mate MM and Kells.

MM

You are so right about it being not just agoraphobics who see their home as a safe place but all people who suffer from anxiety. I have always been a right home buddy. :hugs:

Kells

Yeah i completely get that hun. I was like that with my mums old house but when i moved out, my mum moved to a new house so although i do like it, it's never been my safe house.

Margaret

Thank you for your lovely reply mate.



:hugs:
xxxx

[diane07]

Ello me good mate,

Wherever you lay hat will be your home!!

I moved 40 mins away from my family and friends as you know, and now i have to say it was the best thing i did, my agora has kind of shifted, in a wierd way its actually helped my agora because things look different so all the roads and shops that i avoided because of the familiarity, i don't have that problem now because its all new.

Hard to explain but i have no habits here, no places that i am used to avoiding so in a way it makes it easier.

You know i'm gonna tell you the thought is worse than the deed, you'll be so close to your mum so just think how fab that will be.

You need to concentrate on where you're going to be putting your furniture, which wall you're going to put your bed against, which cupboard you're putting your plates in.

There is no place for agora here in this move, its not welcome and you will be absolutely marvellous, i know you will.

di xxx

[ditzygirl]

I think you should go for it, moving will be stressful - house moves always are. But what if a new house in an area you are really comfortable is the trigger u need to allow you to start going out and about???

Whats the worst that can happen - you have a bad time of agrophobia as a result of the stress of moving. But you will be agrophobic in a house and area you love.

Moving closer to ur mum has to be a step in the right direction.

I detect a glimmer of excitement at your new opportunity, go for it and we are here for you if you have a wobble.

The most important thing is the happiness of your son and yourselfx

[bottleblond]

Di you are my agora hero. You know that mate.
I don't know how you have managed to do half of that you have achieved but you completely amaze me on a daily basis.

You know i am gonna be on the phone to you constantly. pmsl

Thanks mate

xxxx

[mick_uk]

Hiya Lisa,
It's really good news you can be nearer your mum. I think you know I moved not that long ago from a cottage down a country lane to a place nearer civilisation in the same county. Being out in the sticks I very rarely had to go into town and got into a comfortable, but not very helpful way of life. I had Asda delivery my shopping, bought most of my stuff online and even the library came to my door LOL, so it made me avoid the things I shouldn't be avoiding.
But it wasn't helping me, and so I decided to move along the coast, just a few miles to be nearer the things i dreaded. It was the best move i've ever made. Now the shops are nearer, the crowds are nearer and I have to deal with it. I don't rely half as much on other people now. Once you've settled in a while you will find it just as 'safe' as your old place. You go for it. You might feel strange for a while,but it will do you good being nearer mum.

ps: can everyone on NMP come to your house warming party?

pps: i still keep pigs in the kitchen

[bottleblond]

Ditzy

You are so right. I am really excited about the move and i am sure i will cope with whatever this damn anxiety throws at me.

I am determind to go for it and make a new start. I suppose it's challenging myself and that is always going to be a tad scary.

Thank you for your lovely reply

Lisa
xxx

[diane07]

Lisa

i'll phone you everyday if i have to, i'm coming your way in march so you need to get that new house sorted, i expect my hand carved glass saying "di's pint" to be in the appropriate cupboard.

The new house looks gorgeous and i just know this move will be the best thing for you and ben.

di xxx

[bottleblond]

Mick

I think you definately made the right move. You seem to have transformed your life in so many ways and i am proud of you mate.

I think i have been in my mums house once in the past few years but she comes to see me daily. Being closer to her means i can now go to her rather than her run after me all the time. Being able to to give a little back to her means alot to me.

You are all welcome to me new hoos lol

xxxx

[bottleblond]

Lisa

i'll phone you everyday if i have to, i'm coming your way in march so you need to get that new house sorted, i expect my hand carved glass saying "di's pint" to be in the appropriate cupboard.

The new house looks gorgeous and i just know this move will be the best thing for you and ben.

di xxx

Hell mate you will have your own personal glass and ale on tap when you visit.

Cant wait.

:yahoo:

[Nigel]

Hi Lisa,

Sounds good :)
Remember how somebody did Morrisons :winks:

One thing to keep in mind is that so much of what the mind does is based on associations and past experiences. When it recognises a familiar place or situation, it starts to get the body into the same state as the previous time.

So in theory, somewhere totally different will have nothing familiar to respond with fear to – unless you start misusing your imagination and teaching it :winks:

A very wise friend always said, “You are your own safe place.”

Best of luck :yesyes:
Nigel

[crisis]

Lisa
my answer to your question (can we transfer our safe place if we move house?) is yes. Actually is not an answer but what happened to me. I could built my safe place.
Carmine

[bottleblond]

Thank you Nigel and Carmine

I have to admit that the more i read here, the more those small doubts are subsiding.

It's a huge move for me but i can only hope it's the right move and i am sure it is. Just seeing my lads face when talking about it is so inspirational.

Lisa
xxx


:hugs:

[JaneC]

Lisa, I'm so pleased for you. I hope all goes smoothly and you benefit from a new start x

[bottleblond]

Aww thank you so much Jane :hugs:

I will keep you all updated

Lisa
xxx

[ladybird64]

Just think missus, this new place could be the start of you getting shot of the agoraphobia..the first step on the road.

Don't you mind the "safe place", you have had nowt but grief from those ******s next door and when your son is getting bullied..well, it's not that much of a safe haven is it?

The new place will be great and it's something to really look forward to.

Don't let fear hold you back hun, go for it. You'll do all us agoras proud. :D :hugs:

[Going home]

Lisa, it has to be a step in the right direction...the trouble you've had with your neigbours must have caused alot of stress which will disappear with this move. I agree with those posters who say home is wherever you and Ben are and this house will soon feel like your safe place too. It will be strange at first but will soon become familiar and you'll make it your own with your own stuff around you. I wish I was nearer to my mum too so that's got to be a bonus yes? I hope you decide to go ahead with it and wish you well, you deserve it.

Anna xx :flowers:

[spaced]

Lisa hun this is such a great chance for you and your son to make a fresh start, you get to get rid of your awfull neighbours and be closer to your mum. The new home will soon become your place, your home, the move will be stressful but maybe not as stressful as putting up with your neighbours. As a recovered agoraphobic I can't see the move making it worse although you might have the odd wobble going out in the new neighbourhood at first, just try go for a quick walk to the shop or your mums and do it as soon as you move, don't put off going, go out show your face, head held high no hiding away the same with meeting the new neighbours. I'm sure you'll soon feel very settle.

Good luck with everything.

[ditzygirl]

Sweetie - I have moved loads of times complete with anxiety, I always survive, the thought is worse than the reality.

You are not alone - we are all here for support, please please do what makes you both happy. Happy anxiety is better than scared or sad anxiety.

And its always fun making a new home urs - great way to keep focussedxxx:yesyes:

[bottleblond]

Awww thank you so much ladies.

My 'Nasty' neighbours moved nearly a year ago and the bullying has stopped too. I still think those things stick, especially where Ben is concerned because he just doesn't go out the door after school anymore.

I think this move will 'i hope' give us both a new start and a new outlook on things in general.

You have all been really helpfull and mt doubts have gone. I just needed my booty booted. Lol

Thank you all so much for you support.

Lisa
xxx

:bighug1:

[Lynnann]

Hi Lisa,

I think this is a really positive opportunity for you and Ben, my safe place is with my family, your family is Ben and he will be with you and your mum nearby, your mum's house you haven't visited enough for it to become your safe place.

Without trying to sound patronising, I have pretty much overcome my agrophobia, although at times I really thought I was going to die. Still here lol; I have high hopes for this being the start of a new future for both of you:)

Lynnann:flowers:

[bottleblond]

Lynnann

You have hit the nail on the head there.
I think that's exactly what i needed to hear!

Thank you hun

Lisa
xxx

:hugs:

[paula lynne]

Hi Lisa x

You take your safety with you x

You will do beautifully x

Love Paula (agro 10 yrs) (moved 3 times) x:hugs:

[bottleblond]

Hi Lisa x

You take your safety with you x

You will do beautifully x

Love Paula (agro 10 yrs) (moved 3 times) x:hugs:


Oh Paula thank you huni, that means alot!!
Love hearing others have done it and kicked ass! :D

Love Lisa
xxxx
:hugs:

[suzannacorfu]

Hi BB,
Just my addition to this: I have moved home and country 6 times whilst Agoraphobic (in various stages of Agoraphobia) and every single house has been my "safe place" from the moment I moved in. The change has also been therapeutic every time! I also agree with Diane about avoiding streets and places, moving really helps you get over this.
Have FUN
Suz xxx

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Bottleblond,

I'm praying for you. Peace be with you and I pray that Father God gives you peace of heart and mind, I pray this in Jesus name. Amen.

Yvonne

[bottleblond]

Hi BB,
Just my addition to this: I have moved home and country 6 times whilst Agoraphobic (in various stages of Agoraphobia) and every single house has been my "safe place" from the moment I moved in. The change has also been therapeutic every time! I also agree with Diane about avoiding streets and places, moving really helps you get over this.
Have FUN
Suz xxx


Wow you are a very brave lady. I don't think i could manage another country. Lol

Thank you Suz

Love Lisa
xxx
:hugs:

[bottleblond]

Hi Bottleblond,

I'm praying for you. Peace be with you and I pray that Father God gives you peace of heart and mind, I pray this in Jesus name. Amen.

Yvonne


Awwww thank you so much Yvonne! :hugs:

Love Lisa
xxx

[yvonne_uk_98]

Awwww thank you so much Yvonne! :hugs:

Love Lisa
xxx

Hi Lisa,

you are very welcome. :hugs:

lots of love

Yvonne
xoxoxo

[julieb]

Hi, I moved from my safe house with lovely neighbour of 16 years a couple of years ago. I was terryfied. I worried about stupid things like how long it woud take me to get to mums, brothers, shops etc from my new house as I had all these things mapped out in detail from my old place. But you know what? Ihave been fine. I love my new place, have neighbours just as nice and last year when it snowed ( im usually in total panic then as i feel trapped) I was quite chilled about it. So enjoy the move and try not to get too worried about it x

[bottleblond]

Awww Julie thank you hun.
I am so glad it all worked out for you! I'm really excited about the whole thing now but still a little nervous.
I just hope it all goes through because i'd be devastated if it fell through.
Will keep ya updated and thank you for your lovely reply.

Lisa
xxx

:flowers:

[eeyorelover]

Hey Lisa,
When I moved, the move itself was of course stressful and it did take time to get used to the new place but I read somewhere that if you make little changes that you've always wanted to do at your old place but didn't..like maybe a new throw rug in the living room or any kind decor that makes the place more 'you', that is supposed to help the change in environment.
Personally I added plants in my living room and got new (new to me anyway:) ) furniture and put up border in the kitchen. I feel more at home here in the year I've lived here than the 6 I spent before the move :)

Still took me 6 months to not bump into stuff on the way to the loo in the middle of the nite! Ended up getting a danged night light ;)
LOL
xxx
Sandy

[Alabasterlyn]

I'm agoraphobic and have moved a few times over the years. The last time I moved was 12yrs ago. I was living on my own with my son and my new partner and I both sold our homes to buy a bigger house for the 3 of us. I had been in my house for 18yrs and the only stressful part of it was the actual showing people around the house rather than the move itself.

We actually got into a mess with our contracts too and ended up in the position of either losing our house or having to be homeless for 2wks while they sorted the completion date out. We chose the option to be homeless and as my house was my safe place I was worried how I would be with nowhere to call home. As it turned out we spent the 2wks sleeping on someone's sofa bed and I can honestly say I had hardly any anxiety at all and actually kind of enjoyed the experience.

Hope it all goes well for you, it does sound like a positive move to me :D

[miss_moose]

Hi Bottleblonde, I rent with me parner so have had to move alot, and I have to say, i always panic so much about moving, but what you will realise is your new home will be your safe place because it has all your comforting things in, plus Ben and your parents are around the corner.
We moved a few months ago because where i was living before i was so iscolated, my family were a 5 minute drive but i didnt see them because it was too far for me to go on my own (i'm agoraphobic).
Now my grandma and brother live 3 minutes walk away (i timed it), and i feel so much better and safer knowing they are so close.
I've even managed to walk to my grandmas a few times on my own! Huge acheievement for me as a rarely leave the house alone.
I think you'll be comforted knowing your family are so close, and you can see then whenever you want to.

Good luck with the move :hugs:

[bottleblond]

Awww thank you all for your replies. It really has eased my mind alot.

And i loved reading all your experiences. :flowers:

Thankyou so much

Love Lisa
xxx