MrsNervous
19-11-10, 10:14
Hi everyone
I am so glad I found this site. I have read the health anxiety page and feel like I am not alone with this horrible feeling.
I suffer from health anxiety (the description made me feel better already as some health professionals have made me feel like a hypochondriac which I don't think I am). I also have a fear of death - more terminal illness really. I only have one child who I adore and I get worked up thinking if I die before he grows up and get myself in a right old stew about not being there for him. I am 53 yrs old, had very traumatic childhood. Married, v supportive hubby, have one child. Suffered bad PND after birth of son.
I hate medical procedures and get in a fair old tizwas if I need anything doing - which is a situation I am in at the moment and hence finding this site. In particular anaethetics, in the past when I've needed one I've had some bad times despite telling the nurses/docs/anaethetist that I am terrified of the process of losing consciousness (I know you don't know its happening, can't explain really but the journey from ward to theatre for me is horrendous, feel like a lamb going to the slaughter) also I fear terminal illness. Watched my brother die from very aggresive liver cancer 4 years ago and it has really frightened me.
I am currently refered to two consultants - one ENT for recurring tinnitus in my right ear (see him next Wednesday for initial consultation) and I saw Gastro Enterologist this week after being referred because of bleeding from my bottom. I totally lost control during the consultation and he seemed quite puzzled by my reaction. He said he agrees with my GP's opinion that the bleeding is from piles.
I asked him straight out did he think the bleeding (bright red in bowl and on loo paper) was being caused by something sinister and he said quite clearly no, and again assured me that he was in agreement with GP that its piles (doesn't convince when you're anxious tho does it?)
He has booked me in for a ct scan next friday (this is a private hospital consult) to have a good look at whole of colon then he said when he has the results I will need to come in for camera (I was crying so much by then I don't fully recall what he said) to - I think, sort them out.
I asked if I would be sedated for this and he said yes, an anaethetic, I asked did he mean sedation or asleep and he said no, you will need to be asleep. Cue more tears and panic. I told him that the thought of anaesthetic freaks me out and why, but he was puzzled saying as I'd had ops in the past I knew what to expect.
I tried to explain but by then I was in such a mess he just said lets get the test done and go from there. He was very nice but once again I don't think he understood what I was trying to get across.
My husband is away next weekend so my friend is coming with me for the scan. I am TERRIFIED!!! I keep trying to calm myself down. Keep going over things in my head and reasoning all options. Tell myself that I could get killed in the car on the motorway going to the hosptial for the scan, I get in my car everyday and drive on motorway/dual carriageway at speed and yet I don't sit at home scared to go out in case I die in the car.
Also tell myself that if there's something wrong then fretting about it isn't going to change anything and what will be will be, but this bloody demon in my head keeps piling the anxiety on.
I think I need to try and get to my GP before this really gets a grip and gets on top of me as I feel it is creeping toward this.
Of course, on top of the bottom thing I have to see the ENT doc about the tinnitus on Wednesday. What a week, ENT wed, picolax day Thurs and scan on Friday.
I feel totally totally wretched at the moment and any words of support would be very gratefully recieved.
I am so fed up of these feelings of anxiety overwhelming me on occasions where I have to visit hospital that I am trying to get appt with my GP and I'm going to ask her if she can refer me to someone who can help me deal with my feelings.
I really hate myself for being like this. I am a very bubbly outgoing person with lots of interests and a great circle of friends. I am very rarely ill, so on the odd occasion when I have needed to see a hospital doc, all this anxiety and fear comes rushing forth and I end up living in turmoil until I know things are alright. Why me? why do I have to feel like this? I don't want to feel like this. I just HATE it!!!
I am SO mixed up, scared, confused, tearful, worried.
Help me, someone :weep:
Mrs N
I am so glad I found this site. I have read the health anxiety page and feel like I am not alone with this horrible feeling.
I suffer from health anxiety (the description made me feel better already as some health professionals have made me feel like a hypochondriac which I don't think I am). I also have a fear of death - more terminal illness really. I only have one child who I adore and I get worked up thinking if I die before he grows up and get myself in a right old stew about not being there for him. I am 53 yrs old, had very traumatic childhood. Married, v supportive hubby, have one child. Suffered bad PND after birth of son.
I hate medical procedures and get in a fair old tizwas if I need anything doing - which is a situation I am in at the moment and hence finding this site. In particular anaethetics, in the past when I've needed one I've had some bad times despite telling the nurses/docs/anaethetist that I am terrified of the process of losing consciousness (I know you don't know its happening, can't explain really but the journey from ward to theatre for me is horrendous, feel like a lamb going to the slaughter) also I fear terminal illness. Watched my brother die from very aggresive liver cancer 4 years ago and it has really frightened me.
I am currently refered to two consultants - one ENT for recurring tinnitus in my right ear (see him next Wednesday for initial consultation) and I saw Gastro Enterologist this week after being referred because of bleeding from my bottom. I totally lost control during the consultation and he seemed quite puzzled by my reaction. He said he agrees with my GP's opinion that the bleeding is from piles.
I asked him straight out did he think the bleeding (bright red in bowl and on loo paper) was being caused by something sinister and he said quite clearly no, and again assured me that he was in agreement with GP that its piles (doesn't convince when you're anxious tho does it?)
He has booked me in for a ct scan next friday (this is a private hospital consult) to have a good look at whole of colon then he said when he has the results I will need to come in for camera (I was crying so much by then I don't fully recall what he said) to - I think, sort them out.
I asked if I would be sedated for this and he said yes, an anaethetic, I asked did he mean sedation or asleep and he said no, you will need to be asleep. Cue more tears and panic. I told him that the thought of anaesthetic freaks me out and why, but he was puzzled saying as I'd had ops in the past I knew what to expect.
I tried to explain but by then I was in such a mess he just said lets get the test done and go from there. He was very nice but once again I don't think he understood what I was trying to get across.
My husband is away next weekend so my friend is coming with me for the scan. I am TERRIFIED!!! I keep trying to calm myself down. Keep going over things in my head and reasoning all options. Tell myself that I could get killed in the car on the motorway going to the hosptial for the scan, I get in my car everyday and drive on motorway/dual carriageway at speed and yet I don't sit at home scared to go out in case I die in the car.
Also tell myself that if there's something wrong then fretting about it isn't going to change anything and what will be will be, but this bloody demon in my head keeps piling the anxiety on.
I think I need to try and get to my GP before this really gets a grip and gets on top of me as I feel it is creeping toward this.
Of course, on top of the bottom thing I have to see the ENT doc about the tinnitus on Wednesday. What a week, ENT wed, picolax day Thurs and scan on Friday.
I feel totally totally wretched at the moment and any words of support would be very gratefully recieved.
I am so fed up of these feelings of anxiety overwhelming me on occasions where I have to visit hospital that I am trying to get appt with my GP and I'm going to ask her if she can refer me to someone who can help me deal with my feelings.
I really hate myself for being like this. I am a very bubbly outgoing person with lots of interests and a great circle of friends. I am very rarely ill, so on the odd occasion when I have needed to see a hospital doc, all this anxiety and fear comes rushing forth and I end up living in turmoil until I know things are alright. Why me? why do I have to feel like this? I don't want to feel like this. I just HATE it!!!
I am SO mixed up, scared, confused, tearful, worried.
Help me, someone :weep:
Mrs N