ROCD At Its Worst

[dmb8185]

Hi All,

This is my first time posting on this site and i seem to be one of the few from the good ol' USA. I wanted to just share my story and see who else has experienced my same thoughts / anxieties / obsessions.

I am a 25 year old male who ever since entering the dating world, have always been extremely picky with girls i've dated and thus, for one reason another, things usually fizzled out after 1-2 months and i never attributed it to ROCD.

Now to the present...i have been dating a great girl for 3 months. From the beginning i realized this girl was special and had so many of the important qualities i desire in a partner. She is so sweet, caring, down to earth and i really enjoyed being with her.

After about 1 month of dating, i had sudden attack of not "what if's" but more of "you dont like her, you are using her, you need to break up with her now, this isnt right for you, something is missing and you need to get out of this." I was panicking. In my past CBT sessions for harm OCD and HOCD, i was able to use CBT to reattribut and relabel my OCD. With ROCD the thoughts feel so real its beyond difficult to decipher what is real and what isnt. I went from looking and thinking about this girl and smiling and being happy to see her next to freaking out 24/7, acting depressed and upset and not excited to see her. Sometimes when i see her, the OCD goes away but most recently it stays while i am with her, thus causing more panic and anxiety.

I let the thoughts stay in my head and go about my day at work but i know they are there and that bothers me. I pray that i will wake up in the morning with the thoughts gone and they never are so its another day of misery.

I read a lot of posts about someone saying "i know i love him/her..." but im so new to this relationship that i dont even know what love really means and if i can ever feel that in this relationship bc i wont let myself feel it. All day and night i keep thinking "your not going to fall in love with this girl, you dont have feelings for her, break it off, dont waste her time anymore, its been 3 months, let her find someone else who doesnt have OCD." I know that if i broke up with her, id be upset but eventually get over it but that id be depressed and always wondering what would have happened if i didnt end it. This ROCD is so difficult to handle!!!!!!

Anyway, i could keep going but will stop here. Thanks in advance for any feedback.

Best,

Adam

[dmb8185]

Hi All,

I know this is a forum where people with OCD provide support for one another and i'd be most appreciative if ANYONE could provide some insight.

I have been absolutely destroying myself during my 3 month relationship, with little flickers of happiness (last a few days at a time) and then switching to negative thoughts that just keep replaying in my head over and over. i cant decide whether these thoughts are telling me all these things like "end it, move on, let her enjoy her life than being stuck with you, you dont like her and youll never love her" because they are real and keep repeating themselves until i end the relationship or if its OCD wearing an evil mask and trying to take over my mind.

I just feel so helpless. I have been taking Zoloft for a few years now and think maybe its run its course and its time for a switch. Then my OCD kicks in and says "its not the meds, its the relationship. you dont need to switch meds just end the relationship. if you stay in the relationship and switch meds you will still be where you are now." Its just an endless cycle that is driving me up a wall.

[AnxietyEngland]

dude, i sent you a message

im going through exactly what you are, your not alone buddy

its crap i know, but we both have to fight it

[MRJROBINSON]

Hey

I have the exact same thing!! Been with a girl for three months and knew she was special and so nice and I ask for her to be my girl ,even had thoughts before this all kicked in of a future with her which I found exciting at the time, I have had a lot of CBT in the past for harm OCD and HOCD which I have became very good at dealing with the intrusive imagary etc and getting away after a day or 2 from the thought cycles, but this is like its trying to intrude and convince me I don't want to be with her I feel guilty and even now have started to have a lower sex drive because of it,

Its like you feel like it is winning and the only way to get away from the anxiety is the end the relationship, I have had this with the last 3 girlfriends this being the 4th, this girl is the best one I have found and there is no forthcoming reason why it would end like the others, I.E they are planning to move to university or they have children which caused issues.

I have just been prescribed some small medication after 7 years of not trying, Im hoping it will help.

It was really supporting to hear that I am not alone, and Im sure you know exactly what I mean by its just not as easy as letting a thought pass as the emotional response feels so real but in a plastic kind of way (hope that makes sense)

Cheers, Jack