Fear of anxiety

[Kelly326]

Does the fear that you have anxiety give you anxiety??? I grew up with a mother who had depression, alcohol abuse and perhaps drug(I think perscription) I was the middle child and she never really gave me attention. I kind of grew up raising myself. I have 3 kids, had jobs, have a steady relationship. I thought I did really good for growing up in a home like that. I used to feel like I was a strong woman. I have been dealing with anxiety for 2 years now. When it first started I was terrified I was turning out like my mom. After a few months I realized I wasn't gonna be like her. Then my anxiety became a focus on my health. My husband developed anxiety a few months ago when he hurt his arm. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with him at first and that caused him to become anxious. I think that is what brought my anxiety back. I am a stay at home mom and now I have been questioning what im going to do with my life. I have to go to school to start my career path in life but my anxiety has got me afraid that i will never be happy like my mom and that im going to be a bad mom to my kids..(like she was). I guess my question is is can we fear anxiety and feel like our lives will never be fulfilled? I fear death but at the same time I fear that my life will never be happy because of this anxiety. Im sooo scared about being a bad mom. I am also afraid to take medication because I grew up watching my mom need pills. Can anyone relate? I feel like no matter what I try to do anxiety will be there to pull me down.:weep:

[paula lynne]

Hiya, I think yes, definately...we fear anxiety, and then this feeds the anxiety! a vicious circle...I stopped fearing it so much, and it seems to have lost its power over me a bit...Im reading dr claire weekes and its really helping.

Its a little old fashioned in parts, but most of it is very helpful and still relevant. Its definately possible to loose your fear of anxiety, but it takes patience and practice. Dont give up, and also your meds are very necessary for you, dont fear taking them. Hope you feel better soon xxxx

[Nigel]

Hi Kelly,

I think you’re right – a lot of anxiety is about a fear of it. Well, probably more accurately, a fear of the unpleasant feeling associated with it. The thing is, the feelings are the end product of the anxious thoughts, and it all becomes a vicious circle.

So a person thinks about something that scares them a bit – their mind and body create physical feelings of fear – they feel scared of those feelings and have more worrying thoughts – they feel more anxious and experience more fear.

So the secret is to stop the negative worrying in the first place, which will stop the unpleasant feelings of fear, which will mean there’s nothing to feel scared about. The cycle can no longer exist.

“my anxiety has got me afraid that i will never be happy like my mom and that im going to be a bad mom to my kids..(like she was).”

Some people suggest that these things are hereditary. I personally don’t think that’s the case, although it can appear that way. I think what happens is that a young child learns by watching and copying, and in the early years their main influence is their parents. It’s amazing how much information a young child picks up on and stores in memory, even if they don’t yet know what to do with much of it.

So it’s not so much ‘being’ like our parents but ‘learning’ from them. And when we become aware that some of what was learnt isn’t very helpful, we can take steps to learn a better approach. It sounds like you’ve done exactly that – recognised that things with your mom could’ve been better and that you’d like to do things differently. Now you’re aware of it, you can.

Take care :)
Nigel

[beesl]

What sense Nigel writes. I know that it is not easy when you feel trapped in the vicious circle of anxiety but it is a question of where you focus, I think. No one has or is a perfect mother and it sounds like your concern about patterns that you have experienced with your own mother repeating themselves is a big issue for you. But you do have the choice to behave differently with your children -and it sounds like you are! Surely if this is the case then you can turn the vicious circle into a virtuous one by focusing on the things that you do with your kids that are good and the ways in which your relationships with them are happy and fulfilling for both you and them.

I am struck that you write that " I have to go to school to start my career path in life" - says who? And how does that link with your present situation? I always question now why I feel like I do when I have an overwhelming feeling of "I must" or "I should" or "I ought to" to see whether it is something that genuinely motivates me- or whether is is a legacy of some past feeling or relationship that I have just accepted and doesn't serve me well in dealing with my life as it is now.

The fear of anything - anxiety included - has a powerful grip psychologically and physically and I wish you hope and peace as you continue to battle with it. Medication can help but in my experience it is only a part of the answer - it certainly isn't a magic wand. In your circumstances with the negative associations of pills with your mother it is probably important that you feel you are in control of it. Worth discussing with a doctor though?