pauluk43
22-11-10, 22:07
hello all im paul and come from newcastle and 43 years old.
i started sufferering panic attacks when i was 19 and back then no one told me what they were or how to deal with them and i remember the first one as if it were yesterday. over the years my anxiety got worse until when i was 27 i developed agoraphobia which brought me great difficulty in doing anything for the next 14 years. i developed ocd and an eating disorder brought on by my thinking about food contamination and having a panic attack while eating. in 2000 it was the worst year with anxiety and surviving on water and an ensure drink until they wanted to section me, which im glad kind of it didnt happen, but on the other hand i wish it did as i might be ok now. after this ordeal i went onto alcohol abuse getting different people to get me beer from a shop that wasnt even 3 minutes walk away. eventually i went out mostly drunk to get to the shop to get more beer until my gp tested me and i had done some damage to my liver. i had very bad experiences through alcohol i fell over frequently and i ended up in hospital for 5 days as once i fell and ruptured my bladder and a catherter is not an experience i want to repeat. this went on till 2008 when i had self harm episode which i never thought would happen to me and then a year later i decided enough as i had hit the bottom and decided to try change so i went on the internet and found a so called phobia therapist who came to see me in february 2009. i asked the questions he told me the right answers and i next saw hm in march 2009 and i was sitting in his office. this recovery was going fine it seemed making little sucesses and i was out long enough to pass my driving test and move out of my mums house into my own place. the therapist sessions turn around where it went from me talking to him telling me about his day etc and at the last 15-20 mins it would be my turn and then a quick nlp exercise. i stopped seeing him as i didnt think it was worth £50 no more. anxiety started again when i was out walking from my mums to mine which is only maybe 15-20 minutes tops and this set me back. i have been on many medications over the years and found that trifluperizine was most effective for me. but the drs decided to experiment and took me off it and then my world tumbled. i told the doctor on 3 occasions and all he did was up my sertraline and im now on 200mg a day. i got to see my psychiatrist last week and she decided to put me back on trifluperozine she could have given me a script but she didnt and said the gp will give me them and i have to wait till he gets the letter. i have also begun counselling with a woman from my drs surgery on the nhs but once a month isnt any good. at the minute i am anxious all the time and have become obsessed with my breathing thinking will it stop now or in a minute or later or sooner or tomorrow. i havent been outside much and have started orderering food online. i am on the waiting list for cbt and had my assessment in may this year but the waiting list is 12 months or more. i am lost as to what to do and my thoughts are very depressive and obsessive and the only time i get any respite is when im asleep and now im sleeping during the day and awake at night. and i have 1.5 days left of meds and dont know wot to do or where or how to get help to reduce my anxiety.
i started sufferering panic attacks when i was 19 and back then no one told me what they were or how to deal with them and i remember the first one as if it were yesterday. over the years my anxiety got worse until when i was 27 i developed agoraphobia which brought me great difficulty in doing anything for the next 14 years. i developed ocd and an eating disorder brought on by my thinking about food contamination and having a panic attack while eating. in 2000 it was the worst year with anxiety and surviving on water and an ensure drink until they wanted to section me, which im glad kind of it didnt happen, but on the other hand i wish it did as i might be ok now. after this ordeal i went onto alcohol abuse getting different people to get me beer from a shop that wasnt even 3 minutes walk away. eventually i went out mostly drunk to get to the shop to get more beer until my gp tested me and i had done some damage to my liver. i had very bad experiences through alcohol i fell over frequently and i ended up in hospital for 5 days as once i fell and ruptured my bladder and a catherter is not an experience i want to repeat. this went on till 2008 when i had self harm episode which i never thought would happen to me and then a year later i decided enough as i had hit the bottom and decided to try change so i went on the internet and found a so called phobia therapist who came to see me in february 2009. i asked the questions he told me the right answers and i next saw hm in march 2009 and i was sitting in his office. this recovery was going fine it seemed making little sucesses and i was out long enough to pass my driving test and move out of my mums house into my own place. the therapist sessions turn around where it went from me talking to him telling me about his day etc and at the last 15-20 mins it would be my turn and then a quick nlp exercise. i stopped seeing him as i didnt think it was worth £50 no more. anxiety started again when i was out walking from my mums to mine which is only maybe 15-20 minutes tops and this set me back. i have been on many medications over the years and found that trifluperizine was most effective for me. but the drs decided to experiment and took me off it and then my world tumbled. i told the doctor on 3 occasions and all he did was up my sertraline and im now on 200mg a day. i got to see my psychiatrist last week and she decided to put me back on trifluperozine she could have given me a script but she didnt and said the gp will give me them and i have to wait till he gets the letter. i have also begun counselling with a woman from my drs surgery on the nhs but once a month isnt any good. at the minute i am anxious all the time and have become obsessed with my breathing thinking will it stop now or in a minute or later or sooner or tomorrow. i havent been outside much and have started orderering food online. i am on the waiting list for cbt and had my assessment in may this year but the waiting list is 12 months or more. i am lost as to what to do and my thoughts are very depressive and obsessive and the only time i get any respite is when im asleep and now im sleeping during the day and awake at night. and i have 1.5 days left of meds and dont know wot to do or where or how to get help to reduce my anxiety.