Ducky85
23-11-10, 07:30
Morning all, i leave the 'good' out as so far this is a bad day and it's not even 7am.
Just feel the need to vent some issues i have, not so much for a long discussion but moreso because 'getting it off my chest' is helping.... what a great phrase 'get it off your chest'... im sure all of us with ectopics would love to do that literally.
Here we go then, my rant and self pity that i'm hoping once shared will leave me, at least for a little while (here's hoping).
Last night i joined this site and it gave me such hope that i could beat my anxiety... then my bubble of comfort was burst by a man i live with whom i have never got on with, and never think i will. And as usual my anxiety levels stepped up a notch (or ten), i went to bed anxious, which is not a good thing for a healthy nights sleep, but it's become normal to me that i need to try switch off when all my senses are heightened. Something i know so many people here are experts on.
Well, 7 hours on and i'm awake. I know ...7 HOURS a great nights sleep, but no, i feel like a haven't slept a wink. So i get up, and greeted by another family member getting ready for work and telling me how my anxiety is giving them a burden because of all the other things they have to deal with and to have to worry about me and my anxiety is yet "more s%£t" to deal with... yep you guessed it.... my heart was already pounding but now.... here come the ectopics. Great, knowing the stress my anxiety is so affecting someone i love is yet another catch 22....the anxiety sets off ectopics... the anxiety affects loved one.... loved one becomes frustrated and snaps.... this sets off more anxiety and thus more ectopics.... sometimes i wonder if it would be better to just become a total recluse, not have contact with anyone so we can do each other a favour, i would not have increased anxiety, and my anxiety would not affect others. But no, this is the path to social anxiety. AARRGGHH. Even now, i am all alone, yet my ectopics are coming thick and fast, i know they just have to be ignored/accrepted but my god they are bad today. In fact they are the worst they have ever been. It is hard to understand for me... i have an amazing supportive boyfriend who i plan to move in with soon, i have good although very stressful job and have 2 weeks before i transfer to a department i always wanted to work in so thats good, i have nothing particular to be anxious about..... it is the anxiety itself which is the key.
Im sure my woes sound all too familiar and yep i certainly have the same issues as the majority here.... a vicious circle with ectopic beats..... but why is it i feel so alone??
Enough of my rambling and self pity, it's not changing the fact that my ectopics are having a field day... oh for a quick fix... we live in hope.
Love to all those affected by the monster called anxiety.
Ducky xx
Just feel the need to vent some issues i have, not so much for a long discussion but moreso because 'getting it off my chest' is helping.... what a great phrase 'get it off your chest'... im sure all of us with ectopics would love to do that literally.
Here we go then, my rant and self pity that i'm hoping once shared will leave me, at least for a little while (here's hoping).
Last night i joined this site and it gave me such hope that i could beat my anxiety... then my bubble of comfort was burst by a man i live with whom i have never got on with, and never think i will. And as usual my anxiety levels stepped up a notch (or ten), i went to bed anxious, which is not a good thing for a healthy nights sleep, but it's become normal to me that i need to try switch off when all my senses are heightened. Something i know so many people here are experts on.
Well, 7 hours on and i'm awake. I know ...7 HOURS a great nights sleep, but no, i feel like a haven't slept a wink. So i get up, and greeted by another family member getting ready for work and telling me how my anxiety is giving them a burden because of all the other things they have to deal with and to have to worry about me and my anxiety is yet "more s%£t" to deal with... yep you guessed it.... my heart was already pounding but now.... here come the ectopics. Great, knowing the stress my anxiety is so affecting someone i love is yet another catch 22....the anxiety sets off ectopics... the anxiety affects loved one.... loved one becomes frustrated and snaps.... this sets off more anxiety and thus more ectopics.... sometimes i wonder if it would be better to just become a total recluse, not have contact with anyone so we can do each other a favour, i would not have increased anxiety, and my anxiety would not affect others. But no, this is the path to social anxiety. AARRGGHH. Even now, i am all alone, yet my ectopics are coming thick and fast, i know they just have to be ignored/accrepted but my god they are bad today. In fact they are the worst they have ever been. It is hard to understand for me... i have an amazing supportive boyfriend who i plan to move in with soon, i have good although very stressful job and have 2 weeks before i transfer to a department i always wanted to work in so thats good, i have nothing particular to be anxious about..... it is the anxiety itself which is the key.
Im sure my woes sound all too familiar and yep i certainly have the same issues as the majority here.... a vicious circle with ectopic beats..... but why is it i feel so alone??
Enough of my rambling and self pity, it's not changing the fact that my ectopics are having a field day... oh for a quick fix... we live in hope.
Love to all those affected by the monster called anxiety.
Ducky xx