Spice
17-03-06, 16:32
Hi people,
I just joined last week and I just really need some advise please.
I had a breakdown at the end of last year after a very stressful time with my family and ex husband ..... basically its a long story but I have really been through the wringer. I also have a walking disability after a back problem which left me unable to get out of bed for 2 months.
I started CBT the first week in January privately as there was a 6 month waiting list here and it has helped me ..... or so I think! I also see a CPN fortnightly.
I have been diagnosed with panic disorder/GAD and although I am scared of going outside my therapist says that I am not agoraphobic that its just part of the overall symptoms of the panic along with everything else. He gave me exposure therapy and I have gone from not being able to go outside to going to shops, walking about our street, going to MacDonalds and out for drives in the car. Basically I was doing away fine but always wondering when I was going to get more work on my negative thoughts and catastrophising as these seem to be the root of my problems. I also asked several people if they had any written work and found they did where as I have never had anything. However, last appointment two weeks ago I told my therpist that my partner was to be celebrating his 40th and that I felt that I would have liked to do something nice with him and he asked me what I would have done if it wasnt for the panic .... I said go to a posh hotel for the weekend and he said do it!!! I had my doubts but he talked me through what the worst scenario would be and I felt confident enough to tell me partner and plan to go away. The therpist had said we were to go 100 miles away but my partner thought that was unrealistic so we decided 50 miles away.... it was booked and today was the day we were to go.
Well, I have been looking forward to it sort it but also full of dread and thinking the worst. Yesterday was my partners birthday and his dad and step-mum forgot and so did his sister, he had lots of cards from friends and my daughter and me but he was down about them forgetting and to-day I tried my best to go but I let him and my 9 year old daughter down. I half packed the case and then told him that the thought of being out of my comfort zone was too much for me and the thought of travelling the 50 miles after not having gone in that direction for over a year scared me to death. I feel worthless and hopeless and everything but I also feel mad that my therapist got me to this point as logically I have not been on that road or out for a meal in a restaurant or stayed anywhere for a couple of hours let alone a weekend ..... so how can this be exposure therapy??
My partner has been my rock and totally supportive of me but to-day he said that he doesn't think he can take much more as he was so looking forward to the weekend away and the look on my daughters face when I told her mummy was just not ready yet to go was so sad but she said thats ok mummy I love you and understand.
Basically I am after any advice/thoughts on the situation but at the end of the day I am a failure!!!!
I just joined last week and I just really need some advise please.
I had a breakdown at the end of last year after a very stressful time with my family and ex husband ..... basically its a long story but I have really been through the wringer. I also have a walking disability after a back problem which left me unable to get out of bed for 2 months.
I started CBT the first week in January privately as there was a 6 month waiting list here and it has helped me ..... or so I think! I also see a CPN fortnightly.
I have been diagnosed with panic disorder/GAD and although I am scared of going outside my therapist says that I am not agoraphobic that its just part of the overall symptoms of the panic along with everything else. He gave me exposure therapy and I have gone from not being able to go outside to going to shops, walking about our street, going to MacDonalds and out for drives in the car. Basically I was doing away fine but always wondering when I was going to get more work on my negative thoughts and catastrophising as these seem to be the root of my problems. I also asked several people if they had any written work and found they did where as I have never had anything. However, last appointment two weeks ago I told my therpist that my partner was to be celebrating his 40th and that I felt that I would have liked to do something nice with him and he asked me what I would have done if it wasnt for the panic .... I said go to a posh hotel for the weekend and he said do it!!! I had my doubts but he talked me through what the worst scenario would be and I felt confident enough to tell me partner and plan to go away. The therpist had said we were to go 100 miles away but my partner thought that was unrealistic so we decided 50 miles away.... it was booked and today was the day we were to go.
Well, I have been looking forward to it sort it but also full of dread and thinking the worst. Yesterday was my partners birthday and his dad and step-mum forgot and so did his sister, he had lots of cards from friends and my daughter and me but he was down about them forgetting and to-day I tried my best to go but I let him and my 9 year old daughter down. I half packed the case and then told him that the thought of being out of my comfort zone was too much for me and the thought of travelling the 50 miles after not having gone in that direction for over a year scared me to death. I feel worthless and hopeless and everything but I also feel mad that my therapist got me to this point as logically I have not been on that road or out for a meal in a restaurant or stayed anywhere for a couple of hours let alone a weekend ..... so how can this be exposure therapy??
My partner has been my rock and totally supportive of me but to-day he said that he doesn't think he can take much more as he was so looking forward to the weekend away and the look on my daughters face when I told her mummy was just not ready yet to go was so sad but she said thats ok mummy I love you and understand.
Basically I am after any advice/thoughts on the situation but at the end of the day I am a failure!!!!