matthew33
23-11-10, 12:27
hi all....lyrics from Eminem Song seem quite appropriate for some of what i feel.
"Feels like these walls are closing in, this roof is caving in"
next lyric is "time to raise it then"
BUT...I try to raise it and feels like someone is taking the piss by adding weight to it!!
Typing this i'm thinking of more bloody lyrics, which probably means i'm INSANE, but here they are...
"I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I'm cursed so never mind
And it's worse but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher, the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a"
Wish I had a spare 500 years, then I could explain where it all started, shit I've been through etc etc.
Basically, at the moment, anxiety is really REALLY messing my head up.
I've always had anxiety, but only the last 4-6 months it has literally gone from low to.....ASOLUTELY RUINING MY LIFE!!!!
I have nothing to fear, fear nobody etc...but still everyday I panic...ALL DAY LONG.
For example....I get up in the morning for work, it's my own small business...only live 200 yards from my shop, yet soon as I wake up, i'm absolutely terrified about walking to work.
No worried in work, nobody chasing me or anything...I can't explain it....even just going to the shop in the night for example...i'm scared...but don't know why.
My hands shake so bad.....serving customers in my shop, taking their card off them to put in the machine and handing it back....or taking money off them etc, my hands shake so bad, it's literally an effort to hold coins in my hand....often I drop them if someone is handing me money.
They notice and most customers, even though some might do their best not to make it show...they DO notice, and some kinda look at me as if i'm a freak of nature.
SOME even say "your shaking or "look at your hands" ....when they say this, I just about manage to keep my mouth shut, but really I just wanna say...."Shaking, are they?? HOLY f**K...thanks for telling me, I REALLY DIDN'T FU**ING NOTICE" and SMACK them in the face.
The cheek of some people....they obviously know i'm shaking and they KNOW I know it..!!!!!
Anyway, sorry for the rant...here are some really horrible symptoms that I have, too scared to go to doctors...could these be anxiety related??:
1:VERY dizzy
2:Face sweats really bad in public
3:Trembling
4:constant high pitched noise in my head for the last 2 months and will not go away.
5:ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED at everything...dunno why.
I'm going to shut up now, coz i'll probably get sectioned or something...lol.
anyway, will add more and be making a lot more posts in future.
anyone reply, please, with anything!!
help.
Matt
"Feels like these walls are closing in, this roof is caving in"
next lyric is "time to raise it then"
BUT...I try to raise it and feels like someone is taking the piss by adding weight to it!!
Typing this i'm thinking of more bloody lyrics, which probably means i'm INSANE, but here they are...
"I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I'm cursed so never mind
And it's worse but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher, the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a"
Wish I had a spare 500 years, then I could explain where it all started, shit I've been through etc etc.
Basically, at the moment, anxiety is really REALLY messing my head up.
I've always had anxiety, but only the last 4-6 months it has literally gone from low to.....ASOLUTELY RUINING MY LIFE!!!!
I have nothing to fear, fear nobody etc...but still everyday I panic...ALL DAY LONG.
For example....I get up in the morning for work, it's my own small business...only live 200 yards from my shop, yet soon as I wake up, i'm absolutely terrified about walking to work.
No worried in work, nobody chasing me or anything...I can't explain it....even just going to the shop in the night for example...i'm scared...but don't know why.
My hands shake so bad.....serving customers in my shop, taking their card off them to put in the machine and handing it back....or taking money off them etc, my hands shake so bad, it's literally an effort to hold coins in my hand....often I drop them if someone is handing me money.
They notice and most customers, even though some might do their best not to make it show...they DO notice, and some kinda look at me as if i'm a freak of nature.
SOME even say "your shaking or "look at your hands" ....when they say this, I just about manage to keep my mouth shut, but really I just wanna say...."Shaking, are they?? HOLY f**K...thanks for telling me, I REALLY DIDN'T FU**ING NOTICE" and SMACK them in the face.
The cheek of some people....they obviously know i'm shaking and they KNOW I know it..!!!!!
Anyway, sorry for the rant...here are some really horrible symptoms that I have, too scared to go to doctors...could these be anxiety related??:
1:VERY dizzy
2:Face sweats really bad in public
3:Trembling
4:constant high pitched noise in my head for the last 2 months and will not go away.
5:ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED at everything...dunno why.
I'm going to shut up now, coz i'll probably get sectioned or something...lol.
anyway, will add more and be making a lot more posts in future.
anyone reply, please, with anything!!
help.
Matt