Nwbie lunatic..

[matthew33]

hi all....lyrics from Eminem Song seem quite appropriate for some of what i feel.

"Feels like these walls are closing in, this roof is caving in"

next lyric is "time to raise it then"

BUT...I try to raise it and feels like someone is taking the piss by adding weight to it!!

Typing this i'm thinking of more bloody lyrics, which probably means i'm INSANE, but here they are...

"I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I'm cursed so never mind
And it's worse but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher, the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a"



Wish I had a spare 500 years, then I could explain where it all started, shit I've been through etc etc.

Basically, at the moment, anxiety is really REALLY messing my head up.

I've always had anxiety, but only the last 4-6 months it has literally gone from low to.....ASOLUTELY RUINING MY LIFE!!!!

I have nothing to fear, fear nobody etc...but still everyday I panic...ALL DAY LONG.

For example....I get up in the morning for work, it's my own small business...only live 200 yards from my shop, yet soon as I wake up, i'm absolutely terrified about walking to work.

No worried in work, nobody chasing me or anything...I can't explain it....even just going to the shop in the night for example...i'm scared...but don't know why.

My hands shake so bad.....serving customers in my shop, taking their card off them to put in the machine and handing it back....or taking money off them etc, my hands shake so bad, it's literally an effort to hold coins in my hand....often I drop them if someone is handing me money.

They notice and most customers, even though some might do their best not to make it show...they DO notice, and some kinda look at me as if i'm a freak of nature.

SOME even say "your shaking or "look at your hands" ....when they say this, I just about manage to keep my mouth shut, but really I just wanna say...."Shaking, are they?? HOLY f**K...thanks for telling me, I REALLY DIDN'T FU**ING NOTICE" and SMACK them in the face.

The cheek of some people....they obviously know i'm shaking and they KNOW I know it..!!!!!

Anyway, sorry for the rant...here are some really horrible symptoms that I have, too scared to go to doctors...could these be anxiety related??:

1:VERY dizzy
2:Face sweats really bad in public
3:Trembling
4:constant high pitched noise in my head for the last 2 months and will not go away.
5:ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED at everything...dunno why.

I'm going to shut up now, coz i'll probably get sectioned or something...lol.

anyway, will add more and be making a lot more posts in future.

anyone reply, please, with anything!!

help.

Matt

[nomorepanic]

Hi matthew33

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[JaneC]

Hello Matthew :welcome:. Sorry you are feeling so bad :hugs:. If you're a lunatic, then a lot of us are! It does sound as if you are suffering very badly from anxiety. I can certainly relate to the dizziness and facial sweating (horrible) and I'm sure others can relate to the rest of it as well. I really would recommend you try to see you doc though x

[paula lynne]

Hi Matt, nice to meet you. You sound exactly like me and hundreds of people on this site. There are so many helpful threads here, why dont you try using the "search" facility and type in...dizzyness, or shaking...etc. If you havent seen a gp, you really must. Many people respond well to medication, others use CBT, others find exercise brilliant as it burns off adrenaline, there is lots you can do to help yourself.:welcome:

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:
Paige x

[recoil]

hi and :welcome: to nmp

[Anxious_gal]

thanks for sharing your story, I think therapy and possibly medication might help, but cbt therapy can work wonders .
i know it's very hard but go you for still going to work.

[clebear]

hey matt, i have most of your symptoms the shaking and sweating, my palms sweat more than anything though, and find it difficult to do the things that most people do as in shopping, going out, meeting people etc, my worst is picking my children up from school which i hate because i dont want it to take up my life to an extent where i cant see my kids school plays and pick them up from school but it does somedays, i think most of your symptoms sound a bit like vertigo aswell so i think you should at least see your G.P so you can rule out exactly whats wrong ...... keep strong

:hugs:
claire xx

[matthew33]

thanks for all replies guys...really appreciate it.

For the first time in MANY months, i've had more than a couple hours where my anxiety
is very low...in fact, the last 2 days my anxiety has gone from a 10/10, which it was for many many months, down to about 2-3/10 for the last 2 days...still there, but massively reduced.

any ideas how that could be?

Did have a bit of stress yesterday....some girl that plagued me with messages asking me to meet her etc etc...giving it full on that she wanted to meet...but then she decided @f**K his feelings....and she basically stabbed me in the heart...but i got over that in a matter of hours....which is unusual for me, as i'm normally messed up about girls for days or weeks.

Ah well, plenty more cars to drive.....who needs a ford fiesta 1.0L when there's lots of BMWs and mercs out there...LOL.

how come my anxiety level been ranging from 8/10 to 10/10 for months, then suddenlt it dropped down HUGELY in the last 2 days??

anyone got any ideas?

cheers
Matt

[matthew33]

hey matt, i have most of your symptoms the shaking and sweating, my palms sweat more than anything though, and find it difficult to do the things that most people do as in shopping, going out, meeting people etc, my worst is picking my children up from school which i hate because i dont want it to take up my life to an extent where i cant see my kids school plays and pick them up from school but it does somedays, i think most of your symptoms sound a bit like vertigo aswell so i think you should at least see your G.P so you can rule out exactly whats wrong ...... keep strong

:hugs:
claire xx

Count yourself lucky in one respect, CLAIRE....coz u can walk into a pub and play darts....have karaoke partys at your house etc etc.

I've been clubbing once in my entire life, avoid every single party on earth...cant walk in a pub...never danced in my life.....how many times i been out with my mates in the last 10 years?

NONE.

so, could be worse...you could be me!

Matt

[mininikki]

Hi Matt & welcome, I too have fluctuations in anxiety 'strength'.
I can go for weeks at 10/10 then one day wake up and feel like I haven't got a care in the world -that usually only lasts a couple of days then I go back to full on panic again and I have no way of explaining it. I've just put it down to anxiety being an absolute *******!

You've come to the right place though, I've only been here a couple of weeks and anytime I feel particularly low I log on and somehow become reassured by reading peoples posts and the extensive wealth of info available on here - I realise I'm NOT ALONE!

I would really recommend talking to a doctor, I have suffered with anxiety for years now and have been back and forth to different doctors, most of them made me feel as though I was wasting their time or just wanted to palm me off with anti depressants, one was quite helpful though and refered me for counselling but the counseller I saw just scared the shit out of me to be honest, so I stopped going, I realise now that I probably should have stuck with it but we all know what it's like when the fear takes over!
2 years later and the anxiety has come back with a vengeance so I've decided this time I'm going to beat this shit FOR GOOD!
I went to see another different doctor(I don't know why they change so much at my surgery!) and so far she has been brilliant, I researched anxiety and treatments before I went and rather than go in and probably have her try to send me down the same routes I'd already tried, I told her what I wanted!
"I want CBT and I don't want drugs!"
She obliged and refered me for CBT (I'm waiting to hear from the therapist & there is a year long waiting list, but at least I have been refered!) She also prescribed diazepam (even though I told her I didn't want it) and told me that if I felt I needed a break from the continuous thoughts to take one (so far the packet remains unopened!).
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, as scary as it is admitting you need it, THERE IS help out there, in many different forms you just have to find the one that works for you.

I've rambled a lot and for that I apologise but I hope this might have helped you in some way :) I wish you luck on your journey, we're all here to help :)