Blip Time for me I think

[Dragonsblonde]

Well in my 6th month now after my major anxiety attack - 5 of those on Cit 20mg and so far all had been progressing nicely.

I have injured my back a little this week, which also happened just before the chain of events that set of my anxiety last time. That combined with winter weather and a threat of snow and being stuck inside as well as spending too much time on my own with my husband on nights has triggered this I think.

I have also been bad a keeping up with my CBT and meditation etc. I think it is all just come as a bit of a blow as I thought I was maybe *cured*. Guess not lol

Just wanted to get it all out I fear the old feelings of being scared about not being able to cope and being scared 24/7

[happycamper]

Hey Dragonsblonde,

Haven't seen your name on here for a while, sorry to hear you're having a blip.

I started on cit the same time as you and it's still a rocky road and I've had 2 or 3 short lived blips myself which is so disheartening when you think you're completely on the mend.

As I understand it it is pretty normal to have these, as my psychologist has told me you've the choice of 2 paths, one is well trodden and easy to get down, the other is overgrown and a struggle, I've followed the well worn path, but now I'm learning to address my dysfunctional ways of thinking, I'm having to try and get down the overgrown path which eventually will become well worn and the 'anxiety thinking' path will start to become overgrown.

Keep positive chuck, you're learning healthier thinking ways all the time and just having trouble getting down that path.

Clare X

[Dragonsblonde]

Hi Clare

Thanks for that hon, it has been hard just adjusting to feeling down again. It is hard getting used to moving forward all the time. It is a little too easy at times just enjoying feeling better and then you slide a little in all the good things you have been doing to feel better in the first place.

But thank you for your support xx

[chickpea]

Take comfort in the fact that you can put it down to something - " I've been bad at keeping up my CBT and meditation" - at least it's explainable and you can do something to alleviate it.
That's what recovery is all about - finding a way of living to keep yourself well.
No-one - NO-ONE goes through life without struggling at times. If you can keep some perspetive on how you feel, hopefully it wont give way to full-scale panic.

If you haven't read Claire Weekes "Self-help for your nerves", try her mantra - "face, accept, float, let time pass".
It absolutely DOES work. Think of each part in turn and keep saying it to yourself.:yesyes:

A blip is simply a bump in the road - you actually have to be travellig forwards in the first place to have one, so it's positive!:yesyes:

[heavenly]

If you haven't read Claire Weekes "Self-help for your nerves", try her mantra - "face, accept, float, let time pass".
It absolutely DOES work. Think of each part in turn and keep saying it to yourself.:yesyes:


I have got that book, feels like it was written for me! xx

[Dragonsblonde]

Hi guys

Thanks for the posts, it does still really help to have some back up. I do have the book and in fact have it in audio on my i-pod which I listened to this morning.

Today is slightly worse than yesterday as I had the old waking up in the night and then didn't want to get out of bed/shaking/trembly feelings all morning so far. Have just made myself get up, but struggling to put all the good practices in again. I know I need to do all the things I should, but the feeling of me being too weak to beat this ever is quite strong again.

I always blame myself or a character flaw when I feel like this, even though logically I know it has nothing to do with that. Oh buggar!

[happycamper]

Hey chuck,

I can relate so much to your post. I'm very nervous that the strength I've built up mentally and emotionally over the last 5 months - resolved blips included, is so easy to lose if I don't keep completely focused.

You know you haven't a character flaw....you've character strength by being so pro-active and positive, it is dam hard work constantly putting good practices in each day, I'm trying so hard to successfully practice mindfulness meditation, some days I just feel like saying stuff it, I've had enough of this hard work, but I've always gone back to trying again because the reward from it far outweighs the anxiety that is the potential alternative.

The lack of fresh air and daylight don't help anyone. I've had really rubbish Christmases in the past and haven't looked forward to one for years, but I can see a bit of light at the end of a dark tunnel and may actually enjoy a bit this time round because of the hard work I've put in!

I read a good post you put on a thread yesterday I think it was saying roughly that you can't remove anxiety for good, it's part of life and healthier to face it that try and ignore it. I've learned that in recent weeks and it is quite reassuring to know it's ok to have anxiety still, like permission has been given!

Hope that blip is on it's way out soon.

Clare X

[Dragonsblonde]

Morning All

Again I can't say thank you enough for all the posts and support. Day 3 today and still woke up nervous and shaking, got out of bed earlier though so trying to push a little.

Clare I so understand what you mean about having to stick to the all the hard work every day and that almost becomes a fear in itself for me (oh what a mind I have). I guess in part with the Cit and the hard work done in the beginning I suppose I took a break and just enjoyed pretending I didn't suffer with anxiety when I started to feel better.

This is my first blip and I think it has just hit me hard. My main fear always was just going mad and never being able to cope again. I have had the whole flash visions of me in a padded cell when I was really bad.

I am not as bad now in this blip as I was back then, and hopefully will come out of it with some work on my part before the cycle gets to me again.

[JaneC]

Hi DB, I take Prozac rather than Cit but just wanted to say I know how you feel. I'd been quite down for a few weeks but think I feel a bit better now. I think it's important to accept that even on meds you are not necessarily going to feel 100% all the time. For me it's a question of riding out the blips without worrying too much about them - and doing what you can to help yourself. I did CBT years ago but have been reading a book as a sort of refresher and I really think it has helped. Hope you feel better soon xx

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey Jane

Thanks for the comments, I know deep down that riding it out and worrying about it less is the way forward and most of the time I think I have a handle on it. It's just those darn moments of flash "ha ha ha you can't escape me" from my inner fear that I need to practise more at I think.

Have come back into work today for a few hours (bad back and all) to break the week up a little. Tomorrow I am on my own as my husband is working and that will be interesting to see how I do. Have made a little list of things to do at home to try to stick to and break the day up a little

[Dragonsblonde]

Ugggh

Still feeling crappy and having a few moments to feel sorry for myself! sorry all

Hubs is at work all weekend this weekend on very long days, threat of snow which may mean he would have to stay over at work and me trapped inside, and nothing very interesting to do at home. Can't quite work up the energy to fight it today, which I know is bad and am warm and trembling all over. Not massive panic, but that constant underlying nagging anxiety just draining me away....Am fighting the urge to go and crawl up in bed though as I know it doesn't really solve anything

Sorry for the negative post xx

[happycamper]

Hey DB,
I'm in on my own today and just been through the Sainsbury's mag and intend to hopefully purchase some ingredients to make a few nice stuff in there. That will keep my mind occupied - just a thought for you...?
Alternatively I've had bathroom paint for months, might even get my togs on and start sugar soaping the walls - finally!
I bet there is stuff you could do to distract yourself chuck...? If I can help motivate you I'm here all day!
C x

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey hon

Have been working on a bit of a list - hoovering, tidying, catching up on my bill sorting and maybe wrapping some christmas presents this afternoon

It just seems so silly that I am worrying about nothing yet again lol

[happycamper]

But they are everyday chores, I've found that if I do something a bit different that takes effort and focus it's a bit like practising mindfullness...dunno if you agree?

I stripped old wallpaper off a wall the other day cos 3 and a half years after moving into this house it's still not as I'd like it, partly because I couldn't be bothered or care about doing anything that I would have pride in - guessing this poxy anxiety thing was a big contributor, anyway it was so theraputic and satisfying, I was quite surprised. But of course anything like that needs a bit of preparation so easier said than done.

I'd absolutely love to go off on a long walk or bike ride but having 2 young boys puts a stop to that, and I'd rather have company to do it too! At least got the weekly yoga class to look forward to.

C x

[Dragonsblonde]

I know, but I find that when I go blippy I let the housework slide too much and if I can start getting back on top of it, it gives me some sense of normality! lol

Rented flat here so can't do much about the house and can't seem to shake it all off today - my own fault I know

Need to build up some courage to get into the shower soon and may take an amble down the road to get some fresh air. Hmm

Jo
x

[JoRo]

Hi Dragonsblonde
Just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel and am feeling the same way too - had a "normal" couple of months and now having a bit of a wobble. Confidence has completely gone, even the thought of making lunch for my son makes me nervous but am trying to stay positive and not let it get out of control. It always makes me wish to be able to turn the clock back - how can I feel so anxious today but last weekend was Christmas shopping and enjoying myself? I have just started CBT so hoping I can learn some methods to help.
Take care and you are not alone.
Jo

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey Jo

We are always here for each other and I am always happy to support others as they support me. I know what you mean though, last weekend was popping here there and everywhere, meeting my nieces new boyfriend and just generally enjoying myself. Although when I look back now I can see some ways in which I wasn't feeling *myself" even then.

They say the good things come out of blips and hopefully this will just show me other ways to spot when I am heading downwards. I managed my shower and even enjoyed it, have done the housework and also looked at the bills for this month. I am on week 6 of CBT and currently looking at succesess, they don't have to be big just see what you have done today rather then what you didn't

[Dragonsblonde]

Well fingers crossed and tempting fate and all that I seem to be coming out of the blip slowly, but surely!

[happycamper]

Hey DB,

Good on yer chuck...see all this hard recovery work isn't it vain.

I suppose it's like training for a marathon - lots of short little runs getting longer and longer (i.e. CBT, learning mindfullness and relaxation techniques and slowly but surely becoming moire positive), they are the training runs which allow you to have the strength and ability to run a marathon - the marathon in our case is life.

Oooh, did that come from me...?

Keep us posted DB.

Clare X

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey

I have just finished my session 6 support call for my CBT programme and found that helpful this week too. Also had a chat to a good friend who has been with me through all of this and is a sufferer herself.

Talking about it out loud to people and hearing the words yourself does help you realise that things this time were not as bad as before and I have learn't a lot. Not saying I am back to 100% just yet, but can certainly say I am on my way!

I think you are right Clare, if we see this blips as just another chance to practise what we know now and also show us that the good things we do to stay happy need to be built into our lives as a daily thing it helps.

Hope you are all ok too?

J
x

[heavenly]

I think you are right Clare, if we see this blips as just another chance to practise what we know now and also show us that the good things we do to stay happy need to be built into our lives as a daily thing it helps.

x

That makes a lot of sense. Hope you are feeling ok today.

[Dragonsblonde]

Thanks hon. So far so good this week I think. The blip seems to be passing off, am at that stage where I keep checking to see if I feel Anxious :wacko: or feel good :yesyes: lol

Still, I kept my appointment at the hairdressers and even went for a new colour and style to make a change this time

Hope you are coming out of the night sweats xx

[heavenly]

Thanks hon. So far so good this week I think. The blip seems to be passing off, am at that stage where I keep checking to see if I feel Anxious :wacko: or feel good :yesyes: lol

Still, I kept my appointment at the hairdressers and even went for a new colour and style to make a change this time

Hope you are coming out of the night sweats xx

I know exactly what you mean about checking. lol Well done for making it to the hairdressers, bet you look lovely!

Still woke up sweating this morning but am taking Evening Primrose Oil now and I do know that they will go at some point so doing my best not to let it get to me.

[Dragonsblonde]

First time I have checked anything today for my Anxiety and it is nearly 11am! Woohoo!!! lol

You can always think to yourself that you are still much better off sweating as it proves you have a roof over your head and a comfy bed to sleep in - negative into positive and people spend a fortune going to steam rooms to get the same effect :hugs:

[happycamper]

Hey DB,

Great to hear you're feeling better chuck. Just out of interest have you done anything different to help you out of this blip?
How having your hair done makes such a difference to how you feel to doesn't it...well done you!
Keep up the good work.

Clare X

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey clare

I think the biggest difference this time for me was that I didn't start yelling at myself in my head and constantly apologising to people for being the way I was. The meditation helps a lot and I do mine guided from my I-Pod in bed just before sleep. That way it helps give me a full nights sleep with I think is crucial for me.

I think maybe just really accepting it a little more than before and not beating myself up

xx

[HarrogateChris]

I think the biggest difference this time for me was that I didn't start yelling at myself in my head and constantly apologising to people for being the way I was.

I don't know anybody who does that :blush:

xx

[cherbear32]

Does anyone know where i can download the claire weekes cd to my IPOD?

[Dragonsblonde]

Chris.....no no neither do I!

Cherbear - Sorry I ordered mine as a CD so that I could have it on my lap-top and my pod. Google may be able to help

[Dragonsblonde]

Just had my regular meds check with my doctor and had a lovely chat to her about my blip. Getting it all out to a professional who understands is a great thing to do. We have both agreed that no meds increase is needed or even wanted at the moment, but I can also change my mind and dash back lol

She is proud of me and so am I xxx We can do it folks

[paula lynne]

Keep it up DB, you are doing a great job xxxx:D

[Sarah Louise]

This post has given me hope i am having a horrible Blip which has meant my meds have been increased to 60mg but i am in the frame of mind where i am scared they won't work. I find accepting the anxiety so hard because of how it makes me feel it always hits my stomach and rises up hate it.

[Dragonsblonde]

Hi Sarah

I think (and please remember I am no expert), but the two words you use in your post that you need to look at are "scared" and "hate". I know exactly what you mean believe me, but I think what made the difference to me this time was I tried the opposite approach to that.

I have a fear of fear, I haven't pushed it away or gotten rid of it, but I try not to let it scare me now. It is just a small part of me that can live happily alongside the other more fun or stronger bits.

I hate anxiety, but without it I may have done something daft in my life that would have caused me serious injury or worse. Fear and anxiety are actually key parts of our mind that keep us safe.

It isn't easy at all (I still have a way to go yet), but try flipping things around completely and see just how many wonderful parts of yourself there are