Scared of acting intrusively!

[Smile :)]

Hi everyone,

I developed anxiety this year end of July. I had health anxiety for about two months and was back and forth to the docs. When he finally told me what he thought it was (I knew all along) my symtoms got alot better. But, that same day I got told about an attempted suicide in our family and for the past two months have been constantly scared I would try it. It's really gotten me down and now I think I may be getting depression as a result. When I first statrting thinking about it I was so scared I could barley eat and sleep. Through this time I also has thoughts that I would kill my Mum, these didn't last long thank god. I'm so scared about committing suicide impulsively and have read about it on the net that it does happen (sometimes I wish I didn't read things on the net). During work I'm scared I'll just walk out and go do something stupid but I never think beyond that. Once I start thinking this though I can feel my anxiety kick in and I feel dizzy and can feel a panic attack come on (never had one before but funnily enough I can feel one come on). I'm also scared about being depressed and feeling like there's no way out. I'm not sure if this is still part of anxiety, OCD or depression. Anyone else feel the same? When I look towards the future I feel dread as I don't want to still have these thoughts futher down the line! Any help appreciated thanks xx

[lajjj]

pure ocd... i went through this its scary. my brother commited suicide 10 years ago and when my anxiety got bad i started to become afraid that i would do the same. i was terrified of these thoughts ! couldnt get it out my head. my psychiatrist told me its because i fear the thoughts so you try to push them away but the more you do that the more they play on your mind. its like the whole pink elephant thing i am sure you have heard this before... if you say to yourself dont think about a pink elephant what happens? you start to picture a pink elephant in your mind! so the more you try not to think about it the more you do! its the same whith these thoughts. you already know you will not commit suicide as your afraid of the thought ! so there is no way your ever gonna do it. its like when you look over a cliff edge you wander what it would be like to jump...but you never would because its scary! you need to allow your self to have these thoughts with out paying to much attention to them...just let them play on your mind for a while but at the same time remember this is just a thought its not what is actually gonna happen xxx