Health Anxiety... long time suffer, first time poster.

[Kells xx]

Hi all..

Well where to begin... so hard when you know everyone has seen everything you are going to say before :)

I have had health anxiety on and off for as long as I can remember.. thought i had a brain tumour when i was ooh say 13... on and off for a long time.. nothing ever came of it.

I kind of calmed down after i had my son in 2000, totally normal, until Jade Goodys cancer. It made me totally freak out .. then went for a smear test for reassurance.. which came back abnormal..

So the process of hospital, and removing dodgy cells etc commenced. Luckily for me it turned out not to be cancerous, but the damage in my mind was already done :weep:

Every 6 months when i was due my follow ups id freak out, think I had Cervical cancer.

It kindve calmed down a bit until last Christmas when my mum was taken very ill and we nearly lost her, I guess i realised i couldnt take my life for granted. Although my mum is still with us, she has not got good health and every year is a bonus really. It was after this i started to panic about having nobody to look after my son.

My son is 10 and is sooooo dependant on me and such a mummys boy. i am a single mum and would be devastated to have to leave him.. the only person i would ever be happy to leave him with is my mum, and if she wasnt here.... I dont want to think about it.


Well onto now...

about 5 months ago i was reading a magazine that had an article about colon cancer.... so I thought i had that a few times...

Moved back on to Cervical cancer for a while.

Im kindve on ovarian cancer at the moment but that comes and goes.

Ive also thought i had a brain tumour again in the last few months..

at the moment ive just gotten over really really bad flu, and my left clavicle area swelled up and i could feel a little soft lump in there.... doctor didnt seem concerned but i am beside myself with this lump thinking i must have cancer thats spread to my lungs etc and its just about working out where it is.

Oh and ive also had a little just under pea sized what i think is a node on the right side of my neck.. for about 4 or 5 months and it hasnt gone away. docs havnt been concerned but ive never made a big deal of it. should do really. have had full blood counts rececntly all came back clear. Node moves about easily. its firm ISH, not squidgy but not hard.

anyway.. thats me.

Crazy.. sorry its so long

i hope to meet like minded people on here....

Thanks all

xx

[diane07]

Hi Kells xx

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Kells xx]

Thanks very much will do :)

[recoil]

hi and :welcome: to nmp

[Kells xx]

:D

[josparks]

hi kellis im long time sufferer to though i had everything goin including the lung cancer doesnt help when u feel u cant breath all the time to are u on any meds to help u

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:
Paige x

[Kells xx]

Hiya

No, not on any meds, it has never got that far.. a lot of the time I can be fairly calm about things but it is always in the back of my mind.... sometimes i flare up quite badly.

I rarely go to the doctors and I probably should, I would like to speak to someone about all this but I dont know how seriously I would be taken or how long the waiting list is :(

[MrsNervous]

Kells I know EXACTLY what you go through (((hugs))) you sound just like me.

I am in full on 'stress mode' myself at the moment.

This afternoon I have appt with ENT surgeon about Tinitus is my right ear that has been coming and going for about a year, but this latest episode started about 3 months ago and hasn't gone away, so you can imagine what thoughts are running thru my head at the moment.

And if this wasn't enought, I am due to have a CT Colonscopy on Friday (because of bleeding from bottom) Consultant says symptoms, the abdominal exam he did have given him no concerns at all and he's sure its piles.
I am seeing him privately and he likes to get ct scan done as it gives him really good 'virtual' view of colon and he is looking for polyps/colitis. He is a really good gastro surgeon and a really nice man, still .... doesn't stop me fretting and imagining all sorts.
I have just one child, a son who is the centre of my universe. I love my hubby, and he is v supportive, but my son is all to me. My first baby died during pregnancy, took a long time to come to terms with and it was 11 years until I had my son. He is 19 now and the thought of dying and not being around to see him grow up absolutely gets me SO knotted up.
I try to reason these thoughts all the time, its like rational me and irrational me debate it over and over. I am usually very bubbly, happy go lucky and outgoing but if I have a health issue then wham, thats it, the anxiety kicks in and I put myself thru so much misery.
I have an appt to see my GP soon and I'm going to ask her to refer me to someone who can help me with this fear of dying. I think that if I can get help with that, then this health anxiety will be easier to cope with. I am sure if you speak to your GP that you too can get support with your anxiety.

Can't tell everyone here how good it feels to be able to 'spill' and not be made to feel stupid or like a cry baby.

[Kells xx]

Hi Hun,

thanks for your reply.. wow you do sound like me :)

I didnt get as far as having a colonoscopy with my bleeding because it was very minimal but i can so imagine what you are going through. sometimes my fear of waiting for results etc etc is worse than my fear of the actual result. If you get what im saying.

Today i am paranoid because i am just gettting over the flu, and still have a bit of a sore throat and i have had two spots develop on the roof of my mouth! such a stupid thing to panic over isnt it !!!

anyway thank you for the reply :)

[paula lynne]

Hi Kells, a belated welcome love :welcome:Ive got a 10 year old too, we both have flu at the mo, hard work being a mum isnt it! I hope you feel better soon x

[Kells xx]

heyyy :-) thanks

yea really hard work.. touch wood he hasnt caught my flu. How i have no idea. Although he is suffering from insomnia.. another thing i panic about LOL. I feel so crazy sometimes.

[paula lynne]

were all a bit special aint we hunny :wacko: x

[Kells xx]

lol too true.