View Full Version : help. Im sorry. cut myself
paula lynne
23-11-10, 19:45
Im sorry. Its stress or something, maybe pmt apparently so my gp says, its part of the syndrome.
Had massive row with daughter, she left crying. Ive been here all day looking after her and my grand-daughter, cooking, playing, just tired out...all kicked off because I wouldnt give her my email address.
I hate myself, and its all gone tits up. the cutting stuff helps. Where is Nigel when I need him? Im sorry all. It may be grief over gran as well, and my panic and anx not great, PLEASE some one help me.
paula lynne
23-11-10, 19:50
please help me
Paula, you've had an incredibly stressful time recently after your loss. Please don't cut yourself again, think of the advice you would give to someone on this site, what would you tell them?
This will pass and you will cope, you have coped so well with all you've had to deal with lately. This row should blow over, you are all probably tired with shattered nerves. You are low and greiving and stressed, please be kind to yourself and know you will get through this.
Don't hate yourself, you're so kind and selfless, always a word of advice for people no matter what you ahve been through yourself. You're lovely.
It will pass, I promise.
I'm thinking of you and send a BIG HUG.:hugs:x
Paula, really sorry to hear this. In times like this it's hard to know the right words to say. I have cut myself a few times over the years, not for a while now, as i see the scars left and i think to myself "why did i do that? i got through the issue, but now left with a permanent reminder" It's a very individual thing and i won't sit here and patronise you or presume to understand everything about your situation form one post... i just hope you can get something from this... you are a strong person, if you wern't you wouldn't be here.. you'd be wallowing in self pity on your own but you're not, u know what the problem is and even though it might not seem it you have already made the first step to overcoming it. I hope you see a resolve soon,
sending so much love
Ducky x
Paula :hugs:
The cutting stuff helps at the time, but not for long. It just ends up causing something else to feel bad about, and so it continues. So no more feeling bad and hating yourself.
Sounds like it’s been a stressful time for lots of reasons, so blame it on that instead.
Distraction is the key because the really intense urges to do something soon pass. It’s just finding something else to do for that short time. Even counting slowly to 10 can sometimes give a person chance to regain control.
I’ve never self harmed myself – too much of a wimp – but I’ve found myself compelled to do stupid things at times, and I think the same emotions are probably at work. Something that works for me is to go out and have a good stomp around the streets. It puts some distance between me and what I want to do for just long enough. Probably not the most helpful suggestion for you, but you get the idea.
Karen wrote a very helpful page for NMP about self harm (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/selfharm/). Dunno if you’ve ever read it.
Take care :hugs:
Nigel
paula lynne
23-11-10, 20:03
thanks i just need a hug or something please help me..yes what would i say to someone else...thats my problem..poking my nose in other peoples business..i need help tonight i ate arguements my brain isnt working right
HarrogateChris
23-11-10, 20:03
please help me
Oh no Paula, really sorry to hear that. I find things really hard when I'm tired and find it helps to remind myself I'm feeling bad because I'm exhausted and not because I'm rubbish.
You're a fabulous person, I really appreciated your kind words the other night, they helped me a lot. You're a star :hugs:
Chris
paula lynne
23-11-10, 20:05
nigel nigel thank you thank you i will read it agian, i dont know whats wrong woth me..im supposed to be this that and the other...but im messed up obviously, im too nosey for my own good, and i cant cope, cant ask for help or something..im so sorry i think everyone thinks im something im not im sorry
paula lynne
23-11-10, 20:07
will look at karens link now, and thank you chris x
Hayley1982
23-11-10, 20:08
:hugs::hugs::hugs: Paula u need a chat u know where i am xxxx
Paula,
You are a lovely woman, and so thoughtful to others.
We're all here for you hun, i'm so sorry you are feeling this way.
I know it doesn't help but i'm going to give you a huge :bighug1:and just to let you know that i care.
di xx
“im supposed to be this that and the other”
Your not supposed to be anything other that ‘You’.
“i think everyone thinks im something im not im sorry”
Some probably do. You just always seem to be the strong one; always there for everyone and able to cope with everything. Dunno whether that’s the real life Paula too?
But you’re only human. This has been a terrible week and it would really help to take time out for you. You be the one to ask for help for once. And not just here, in real life too, because we’re all so far away here.
Dunno what went wrong with Daughter but she’s probably feeling upset about Gran too, and grief comes out in lots of different ways. Anger is a common one.
Take care :hugs:
Nigel
bottleblond
23-11-10, 20:26
Oh Paula
You have gone through such a awful time hun and my heart goes out to you.
You are such a lovely person and we all adore you here so please let us help you.
Thinking of you.
Lisa
xxx
:hugs:
Dear Paula, I am so sorry to read that you are having such a bad time. Just want you to know that I am thinking about you and send you a big hug. xxx
Paula - I haven't posted much lately but I always look out for your posts, not sure why - maybe because you give a glow over the net :) and always take time to help others. I have no advice as I don't suffer in that way, although I can understand why. Please take time to read over the self harm thread - and I think Nigel gave some really good advice. Big cyber hug from a little ole me and I do hope your are feeling slightly better xx
paula, i have seen the lovely posts and support you have given to others on this site, so be kind to yourself! Is there anyone you can call/ see for a hug? xxx:bighug1:
yvonne_uk_98
23-11-10, 21:08
Hi Paula,
sorry to hear your not doing too good, maybe if you could in away try and distract yourself, maybe play a game on here. You are a lovely person, always helping others. I hope you feel better soon. keep talking on here.
Yvonne :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
paula lynne
23-11-10, 21:18
Its all just making my cry...im sorry. Thank you all. Id go crazy if it wasnt for each and every one of you. Not sure whats wrong with me at the moment. I just want to say sorry if ive poked my nose in where its not wanted. I only ever tried to help. I didnt mean to hurt anyone, Im so sorry. Im letting you all down, and clearly cant be relied apon.
Im having a really bad day i guess, others (bless you)feel like this every day, it just sort of creeps up on me, and hits me hard. The cutting stuff is done in secret, but i only just found out its to do with my pmt or something..only been doing it for 2 years or so, im not condoning it..in fact, if i catch any of you buggers doing it i will be up your house quick sharp.....im sorry, i guess i dont feel myself. hold stuff in. and then this happens, im sorry, forgive me, i be ok in a few days i promise x love you all x
Hayley1982
23-11-10, 21:25
Paula u are an amazing woman and have helped me soo much. U are soo lovely. I use to self harm I know what it is like. Just want u to know how lovely and brilliant u are. Hope that makes sense my eyes are starting to blur x
Crying is allowed. Some people even say it’s therapeutic and calming in a way.
I read a really good definition of depression a while back. It said it’s not a sign of weakness but a sign that a person has tried to be strong for too long...
I think a lot of self harm is only ever done in secret. That’s why it can help if you can force yourself to be somewhere where there are other people, just until it passes.
Now I want to hear less of the letting people down stuff, OK! So what if you can’t always do all the things you advise other people to do. I can’t either. It’s easy to see the right things to do when it’s somebody else. There are no emotions attached, and it’s emotions that bugger everything!
Take care :)
Nigel
Sorry to hear that- as Nigel said its only a short term gain and hopefully a minor slip - I found that I have been tempted recently and followed some of the tips and found them very good
Hayley – don’t you believe it when people say bad things about you because despite struggling with your own stuff, you still made time to help somebody else who was having a hard time. That’s pretty amazing too :winks:
Take care,
Nigel
sugarplums
23-11-10, 21:42
:hugs: aww paula you are not letting anyone down hun you are a lovely person and you are allowed to have a bad day, i think Nigel has spoken wise words to you.
We are all here for you paula, you are a strong person always helping others and even strong people are only human, these feelings you feel now will pass, sending you love and hugs xxx
:hugs: You know where I am .. Been there, done that - not cutting specifically and I won't go into details but I have done similar. It helps in the short run, yep, you feel a bit better at first, but I'm sure you know as well as I do that in the long run it isn't so good. It isn't a bad thing, it isn't a sign of weakness but you're only hurting yourself, and that's not the best way to help yourself feel better. You're a lovely lovely person, I can tell that without having met you! Be kind and look after yourself, thinking of you and sending you a huge virtual hug xx :bighug1:Apologies if this doesn't sound right, I know what I'm thinking but not so good at writing it xx
You WILL be ok again soon Paula, you've just had such a tough time. I hadn't self-harmed for probably a few years until some bad stuff happened about 18 months ago. But I haven't done it again since. Don't beat yourself up about it :hugs: :hugs:
I've never done physical self-harm as I'm far too much of a wimp and I can probably damage myself quite adequately with what's inside my head. So sorry that you're feeling rough - you always come across as being one of the people on here who's always looking to help others.
As some of the others have already said, this is a temporary blip - tomorrow's another day and if you've got pmt, it should soon pass.
hugs from me as well xxx
paula lynne
23-11-10, 21:55
Im sorry for worrying you all, im ok, having a bad day x sorry all, forgive me xx
:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Paula please accept my hugs to ease ALL ur pain.
:flowers::flowers::flowers: and flowers to try and make u smile.
You have had a very emotional time and you still have some tough stuff to face. I'm sure your daughter is struggling too!!!!!
Please don't hate yourself for what has been a really rubbish day.
Don't be afraid to cry- u need too as a way of letting out ur grief.
You are always there for all of us - so now its our turn to look after you.
I've been where you are (not the cutting - but trying to handle losing someone). it's tough and there are no hard and fast rules of coping.
You have shown how strong you are today by sharing on here and being honest - gutsy in my book!!!!
Be gentle on yourself sweetie maybe you and your daughter need a little space to deal with your loss in your own ways.
Hang on in there sweetie and we are here for YOU anytimexxxxxx
Hayley1982
23-11-10, 21:57
:hugs::hugs: xxxxxxxxx
ElizabethJane
23-11-10, 22:01
Hi Paula. I hope tonight that you are able to keep yourself safe ie any sort of temptation is out of sight and mind. Are you are to talk to someone at your surgery tomorrow? Just concerned as these things can quickly get out of hand. ((hugs)) EJ.
Still thinking of you and send another big hug.
:hugs:
You've had an awful time, you need to grieve and cry, let it out. I don't harm myself so can't advise on that but I'm here for you and send strength and sympathy.
:hugs:x
paula lynne
23-11-10, 22:09
Im not sure, am I depressed? my gp has tried to get me on meds for years, I dont dont want to take any more, i take meds for my bp, cholesterol and progesterone pill fpr hormone imbalance...i dont feel like this all the time, it just sort of jumps up on me....but very infequently...im so sorry i feel like such a let down. Im spouting off stuff to other people but cant atke my own advice.
Thats the problem with being an ex-nurse i guess. Im sorry everyone, im still here for you if you need to talk ok. I will feel better soon. I need to sleep, or talk, or sort things out, or something, so sorry all x
Paula - you dont need to say sorry, you never need to say sorry here! You never interfer, you advise and give kind words and for me you have always made me feel a whole lot better about myself. Remember Paula this is just a small moment in time and it will pass, it will change and you will feel better. What are you doing at the moment? Can you try some relaxation?
paula lynne
23-11-10, 22:17
yes, a moment in time.it will pass...thank you you are right, thanks. im downstairs and hubby here but hes watching tv,,after 10 years of my crap i guess hes not that interested, but bless him, hes tired of it all x thank you all for being here,x
ElizabethJane
23-11-10, 22:23
Paula take some time for yourself not anyone else just you. Talk to someone too not just on here face to face. If your cuts need seeing to let somebody see them. Don't beat yourself up about this. It has happened. No-body here feels any different towards you. I have seen this happen to others sometimes to me but not recently. Acknowledge what has happened and seek help for you. EJ.
I’m glad you’ve got somebody with you Paula. I think that helps, even if he is doing something else like watching TV. And go and turn it off if and tell him you need to talk, or a hug, or whatever if you need to. This isn’t just 10 years of crap – this is a very exceptional circumstance. I’m sure he’d want to help if he knew.
EJ is right, take some time out for yourself. Don't worry about other posts for a while, you have had a hard time and need to look after JUST YOU for a change. It goes against your loving and caring nature, but please take time for yourself.
Everyone has set-backs and it's no wonder you are at the end of your tether after all you have coped with recently.
I hope you manage to get a good night sleep. Could you have a warm bath with your lovely Lush products? That may help.
Thinking of you.:hugs:x
margaret jones
23-11-10, 22:35
Paula honey what can I say everyone has said it all thinking of you and hope you soon feel better :hugs:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Can you get you husband to make you a drink? What about a herbal tea? For some odd reason I find herbal teas (cam/ginger) soothes me.
Is you cut bad? Do you need any medical assistance? He (husband - I'll call him Mr Paula) is watching TV, he sounds like a good man, why don't you just go and get a big hug and try to tune into the TV with him. I know it is not a cure, but I think you need to take small steps
paula lynne
23-11-10, 22:46
ohhh im sorry all, ive made a complete fool of myself..im ok. i will be fine. The lovely thing you said ej about no-one thinking less of me...i hope its true, its just a blip. Im ok, my cuts dont need seeing to thank you all, stupid, idiotic stuff. Im a nurse well i was in my previous life when i was normal, they just sting, but it will be fine, thank you all. Im so ashamed...i didnt know where else to turn...and im not sure why it all happened.
tomorrow is another day. i will be ok. im sorry, but i cant give up on here because i need to help others...i will take time for myself but i just need to be here i cant help it, i need to help. Thats strange...ocd helping.....its because of loss of role of nursing i guess. Sorry all. Thank you so much, ive made a complete idiot of myself, lets start afresh tomorrow..please? x
ive made a complete idiot of myself
You absolutely haven't xxx
No you haven't made a fool of yourself. I am glad your cut is ok. I have been ordered to get off the net and go to sleep by my lovely husband, but I will check back tomorrow and make sure you are feeling better. Big hugs xxx
Paula, I think I must’ve missed some posts on this thread... I’ve had a good look but I still can’t see the ones where you said you made a complete fool of yourself :winks:
Have a peaceful night, and a better tomorrow :)
Take care :hugs:
Nigel
Hope you are feeling better today Paula :hugs: Try not to judge yourself and accept you are only human .We all make mistakes .You have been through so much lately and need to know your limits .Its a new day and I hope its a better one for you .Thinking of you .Do try to have a more relaxing day today .T/c Hugs Sue xx:bighug1:
allergyphobia
24-11-10, 09:15
PAULA YOU ARE THE BESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!!
:hugs:
xxxxxxxxx
Paula, hope you are OK today.
You're not an idiot, you're a person in pain and we all have blips. We all still respect you and appreciate all the help you give to people.
Take care. :hugs:x
Paula, Hope you are feeling a wee bit better today. Have been thinking about you and wanted to get on the net to make sure you are ok? You are a lovely person full of good advice - so please come back on here when you are ready. xx
Hi Paula, hope things are a little better today xx
Paula you can never make a fool of yourself on here! And you're allowed to ask for help just as much as anyone else :) You're such a strong and helpful member that people are glad to help you in return :)
Hope youre feeling better today!
paula lynne
24-11-10, 16:48
Hi all, thanks so much all of you x
Am feeling calmer today, (had panic attack last night, so tired), but I seem to have some flu thing now, aching all over, and my little Jack has just come home from school sneezing and coughing his head off...so a rest for us both and lots of hugs on sofa now. Thanks everyone, youre my calm in the storm xxx
Good to know you're OK today. Enjoy hugging on the sofa, look after yourself.
:hugs:x
fairyqueen
24-11-10, 18:20
Hi Paula - I'm new to the site and havent spoken with you before but gather from the previous posts that you have lost someone close to you recently so I am so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say that I understand - I cut too - its a recent thing with me - I'm 31 happily married with 2 toddlers but dont like myself very much atm and so I cut to feel better. Like the others have said its worse in the long run cos i try to hide the scars from my husband. Sounds to me like you have an awful lot on your plate and that you are over wrought - is there anyone you can talk to or go for a walk with to clear your head? I hope today was a better day for you. I think like me you pretend to be stronger than you are and so people think you are ok when really you're not - its hard honey. (((HUGS)))
Hi Paula, glad you are feeling a bit better, mentally at least. I haven't been on here much today as I decided to tear myself away from the computer and actually get something done for a change (did some decorating, chuffed with myself) but I have been thinking about you. Hope neither of you get too bad with the flu xxx
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