Feeling like a corked bottle

[HarrogateChris]

Cit Day 20 today. Had a bad night and felt fairly down first thing. Things got better through the day and accepted an offer on the house which if all goes well means the life changes we've been planning are possible now :smile:

However, over the last few days I've felt a bit better in one sense. But I feel very odd, I feel like I'm still really really upset, but that I'm slightly disconnected from those feelings. It doesn't feel healthy. I feel like I have emotions I need to express but can't because a cork has been stuck in my bottle so to speak.

I'm worried I'm not going to be able to work through the issues underlying my depression if I can't get out the feelings I need to express.

Anyone experienced anything like this stopped bottle sensation?

Chris

[paula lynne]

Yep, my cork blew last night as you know x
I made the big mistake of bottling up feelings and emotions for too long, and coupled with my grans death and this flu virus I seem to have, I exploded. Its not healthy.

How about writing it all down, every uncomfortable word..let it out, let go. As you know, moving house is very stressful, you dont want to be in a situation where that tips you over the edge and you explode, better to deal with your emotions now.

At least you acknowedge you need to deal with it somehow, that shows what a pro-active person you are. I hope you feel better soon Chris, and thanks for your words of support last night. x:)

[HarrogateChris]

My pleasure Paula :hugs:

I think that's the problem, I was doing well at getting stuff out and I want to keep doing that, but it feels like the Cit is stopping me. I want to cry, I felt better for doing it, but now even when I can feel all the physical symptoms of being really distressed, my mind seems disconnected.

As you rightly caution, I don't want to be exploding! :madness:

Chris

[paula lynne]

No, an exploding Chris sounds messy!.....maybe it is the cit making you feel disconnected. Ultimately, crying is cathartic, so if you need to, keep doing that. If the feelings are simmering beneath the surface, but not being expressed, maybe its your body telling you that your actually doing a better job than you think you are, maybe you are further along in your healing than you think?

You will get there Chris, just keep putting your one foot in front of the other...x

[HarrogateChris]

Ultimately, crying is cathartic, so if you need to, keep doing that. I... maybe you are further along in your healing than you think?

That's my dilema, l feel like I need to cry and wonder if I should push myself to do it. However, I don't want to fall into the trap of wallowing and making myself cry smacks a little of that.

I do have a really strong sense of being very upset but slightly disconnected. I'm still having all the physical symptoms of anxiety and distress my head just feels numb. I don't know whether what happened with my friend has triggered some sort of defensive reaction.

Will talk with my therapist about it tomorrow.

Chris x.

[paula lynne]

I see what you mean. I dont think forcing yourself to cry will help....but understand you feel the need to underneath. It may be meds/friend/work/house etc all combined at this moment in time...all the best with your therapist, I hope you find the answers.x

[happycamper]

Hi Chris,

I think I understand what you mean, I'm on citalopram, since June and much of the time feel like I'm just numb to strong emotions, don't think I could cry if I tried! I feel it's because of the cit, not sure if it's a good thing or not...?

I mentioned it to the psychologist I'm lucky enough to see, she puts a lot of it down to a learned behaviour related to the way a family member was when I was growing up, but who knows. Apparently it's like an avoidance behaviour therefore you're not facing up to things maybe you should be ('you' refers to 'I' by the way!)

I know what you mean saying it doesn't feel healthy, but I feel somewhat protected from those debilitating anxiety episodes and given a choice I know what I prefer!

Oh, to understand our minds...

Clare X

[HarrogateChris]

much of the time feel like I'm just numb to strong emotions, don't think I could cry if I tried! I feel it's because of the cit, not sure if it's a good thing or not...?

Thanks Clare. My anxiety and depression stem from more fundamental issues and I want to work through them with my therapist while I have the opportunity. Will talk to her about it tomorrow, I'm guessing it's nothing new for her dealing with someone on meds. :)

Chris

[Hazel B]

Chris from posh Yorkshire! (I'm from Huddersfield but live in the SE now!)

I had bottled things up for years, thinking I was protecting myself and my younger siblings. It all came out after my 3rd week of counselling and I cried every day for 2 weeks after that. I'm very stoic and think I can cope by locking things away safely, but it made it worse for me. I'm so glad I had counselling, my final session is tomorrow after 12 weeks. A combination of bereavements, job loss, car crash etc then a health scare caused anxiety which I'm learning how to overcome.

I took Citalopram for only 4 days, it sent me loony and made my anxiety much worse, so I don't know if that masks feelings, I hope your counsellor helps tomorrow.