So so tired of this

[sarahmac]

I have had a few good days, been taking omega 3 for a few weeks and Im on day 3 of st johns wort. Then today my son woke up ill. I took him to see the doctor and hes ok thankfully but whilst in there I started feeling on edge, tense and panicking. I was reading all them bloody posters on the walls and since I have got home I have considered getting tested for diabetes and I have very closely analysed a few moles wondering if they are going to turn into a raging form of skin cancer..... the list goes ON & ON

Theres 2 sides of my head the side convincing me thatI am going to die and the sane side telling me to STOP DOING THIS TO MYSELF. I am well aware that Im torturing myself with horrible thoughts but I cant stop them.

Nobody knows what I am going through. My husband knows I'm a bit funny about checking things are turned off be he had no idea the full extent of my OCD and none whatsoever of my health anxieties. I want to cry. I have to cry, my eyes are stinging from holding back the tears, Im scared if I start I wont stop.

Im so so scared that this is going to be me forever. I must say that the omega 3 have given me some good days and I'm hoping that soon enough the st johns wort will kick in

Apologies for this very long and self indulgent post:blush:

[margaret jones]

Hi sorry you are having a bad time at the moment does your Gp no that you are suffering ?? If not you must tell him/her how you feel they will be able to offer you some help hope you soon feel better take care xx

[sarahmac]

Thankyou Margaret

My GP doesnt know Im suffering. Nobody does. I have never felt so alone until I found this group.

My family arent the type to understand mental health. I did try telling my husband a few months ago that I feel anxious quite a bit but it was laughed off by him telling me to stop being so stupid. I never mentioned it again.

Sarah

[happycamper]

Hi Sarah,

After reading this and your introduction thread I just wanted to say you sound so much like I was a few months ago. For the 4 years or so before, during and after members of my family being diagnosed with cancer in a short space of time I was increasingly worrying that something bad was going to happen, health articles sent me in a complete panic and I felt like an anxious mess, everything I felt physically was something serious in my mind, but now I know it was signs of anxiety.

Admitting it was a huge turning point and now I'm definitely much better with some reading, talking, learning ways to manage anxiety and doing them. Personally I did go down the meds route but I'm so glad I did because I wasn't in a great place 5 months ago. But keep posting and reading and you'll find something that helps you start to feel better and stronger, you will chuck, although it's hard to believe now.

Clare X

[sarahmac]

Clare thankyou for your reply, it really means alot.

I just cant believe Im suffering from this. If I can beat this with natural remedies then I'm willing to try but if by January I'm not in a better place I will visit my GP xxx

Sarah

[westofengland]

Sarahmc
The skin cancer thing is very common so try not to worry about it. I went through a phase of checking every mole with a mirror, even scraping worrying looking ones off in the hope that if they were nothing to worry about they would simply heal back

I went to the GP a few times too

Since then my HA has simply moved onto other things but the previous person is correct, the big turning point is recognising it as an anxiety problem

My HA started a few years ago, about the same time my wife got cancer. She sadly died, leaving me with three kids and a demanding job/commute. I'm currently at a really low ebb as my crazy behaviour and acting out has just driven away my new gf, but I am trying to learn from this and move on

your GP can refer you for Cognitive Behavourial Therapy and there are tons of good books you can read

Don't give up, you are not alone. I went from checking my skin every hour to never checking it all. It can pay to learn about skin cancer too, and of course, do go to your GP if something does look worrying. But otherwise, treat this as an anxiety disorder

best of luck, Geoff

[sarahmac]

Thankyou for your reply Geoff

You sound very brave and I'm sorry to hear about your wife.

I have had moles checked in the past and they are all fine. To be honest I could go for a full body scan and get the all clear and I would convince myself they missed something or they got it wrong, a clerical error was made and I got the wrong results. Crazy eh? Just writing it down and reading it back to myself it sounds ridiculous!!! I think I can beat this, thankyou

Sarah x

[westofengland]

I not brave, I in pieces, but i am trying and hoping for a better time in my life

If I can help somebody else, that's wonderful

Two things to bear in mind
1) Horrible scary thoughts are just thoughts - no more valid than any other thought or mental image. We HA sufferers tend to get panicked by them, particularly if something bad has happened ("my wife died of cancer so it could happen to me!") and we do ANYTHING to try and ease the anxiety rather than just accepting it for what it is

2) There is no certainty. Nobody can be 100% sure about their health all the time. No doctor can GUARANTEE you won't die young from cancer, or indeed that your kids won't. Learning to live with this tough fact is key, and everybody else on the planet has to learn to live with it too :)