Started back at work, not sure if it was the right thing to do....

[meg1986]

Hi, just looking for a bit of advice/support really. I've been signed off work for 7 weeks suffering with severe anxiety and depression. The first 4 weeks were hell, getting medication into my system etc. But after the medication kicked in, and by having some counselling sessions to help understand what I was going through I started to get back to the normal me, and look forward to my future again. The last 2 weeks have been my best yet and I've been able to do all the things I wanted to which I never thought I could.

So, when my sick note ran out, I decided that maybe this was the right time to get back to work slowly, so had an occ health appointment through work and planned a phased return back into my job. When monday morning arrived I woke up with all the feelings of gloom and dread back, which I haven't experienced for about 2/3 weeks. This made me panic and feel depressed as I started to feel like it was back again. On tuesday I went into work for 2 hours, and by the time I left I really felt stressed and anxious. Began to start getting very teary and emotional, and all the feelings of the constant anxiety I was suffering a few weeks ago seem to have returned. I just feel like I have failed, and I'm so disappointed in myself for letting this happen. I think maybe I have gone back too soon and maybe I needed some more 'good' weeks to build my confidence back up.

Just wondered what other people's experiences have been on going back to work and whether I've done it too soon??

Megan xx

[blueangel]

Hi Megan

I have experience of trying to get people back into work after all types of sickness as I'm a trade union rep where I work. As a general thing, people are better if they get back to work sooner rather than later, as interestingly those with physical illness can get mental health problems if they are off work for long periods.

However, this is a generalisation and I think that for a successful return to work there needs to be a few things in place. As well as gauging your general state of mind, you need to look at whether work itself contributed to the original problem, or whether it was a side issue. If there were issues at work, something needs to be put in place to address these, or you're setting yourself up to fail.

Otherwise, you need to have some coping strategies, and also for your employers to be supportive. It's good practice now to make temporary adjustments for people returning to work, so this might involve working part-time for a couple of weeks, or adjusting your hours of work, or other relevant details (e.g working environment etc). It can also be useful to have someone supporting you in the workplace, whether it's a colleague, trade union rep, or someone from HR, as when you're having difficulties, you have a point of contact.

Hope this is helpful.

[allergyphobia]

Hi Megan

I had four weeks off of work, then went back full time. the day i went back, by the end of the day i was extremely anxious, teary, and disappointed in myself.

i decided i had done the wrong thing going back to work, so had a chat with my mgr and we agreed a phased return. i worked 20 hours a week for a month, just working the mornings. then i gradually increased to 25 hours for a week, then 30 hours for a week, then finally back to full time. this helped me SO much. what is your phased return like?

i have since changed jobs, and have been working full time now since August with no problems, touch wood!! Going back to work can be extremely daunting and scary esp if you don't feel like you have adequate support...

it does sound perhaps this isn't working for you, or maybe, it's just a case of "first day nerves"...even with this phased return i felt so out of it going back full time, like loads had happened, people knew why i was off etc. but i settled back in in no time. there is no shame in having to go off again if it is too much for you but don't get disheartened, you were probably very nervous but you managed to stay for two hours and that in itself is an achievement!

Take care,
AP

[meg1986]

Thanks for both of your replies. I have a really supportive manager and great work colleagues who have been really good whilst I've been off. I know that my anxiety is mostly down to being scared of having panic attacks at work and generally feeling anxious when I'm there. The reason I went off sick in the first place was partly work related (due to a second job I had within the organisation, which I have now left completely), but I had no problems within the job I am trying to go back to. I also know that my anxiety was largely down to a build up of stress over the last few years, dealing with the death of my brother 5 years ago, and dealing with a very unpleasant work colleague a few years ago at a place I used to work where I eventually had to go off sick and went through a very similar experience to the one I'm going through now.

My manager has suggested a phased return of 2 hours per day for the first couple of weeks as I only work 3 days a week doing 18.5 hours anyway. I just feel at this moment in time that I can't cope with the pressure so maybe this is my body's way of telling me I'm rushing and that I'm not quite ready. However, I do know that it can make things worse the longer you are off....

[allergyphobia]

Well Meg it sounds as though you have been through a horrible time.. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your brother too. It sounds as though you have been very strong but now perhaps it has become a bit too much to cope with.

If you think logically, please do not take this the wrong way, but for someone not suffering from anx, two hours a day doesn't seem a lot. It will get you up of a morning, keep your mind occupied and keep you out and about etc. but i am saying this because in your words, you can't cope with the pressure and it feels like you are not quite ready so please do take the time you need. else you will get down the line, and need to come off again... it is much better to take the time now, i think. maybe give it another 4 weeks of the meds kicking in, your counselling going well, get a good plan together of another return to work and use it to spur you on to recovery.

hope you feel better soon Meg,
AP

[allergyphobia]

ALSO i've had panic attacks at work and know how horrid it can be - you can come to expect the panic at that place - can you think of what is making you uncomfortable at work?

[meg1986]

Thanks AP. I think maybe you're right. Everyone recovers at different rates, and maybe I just need a bit more time. Do you think the meds will still be taking effect, I've been on them about 2 months? I'm going back to my counsellor this afternoon to try n help get me back on track. 2 weeks ago I had my last counselling session and I walked out of the door feeling on top of the world, I felt like I'd come so far, and could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt so positive about life again, and now I'm waking up in the morning with a feeling of dread, heart racing and feeling really awful, I just want to go back to 2 weeks ago.

Meg

[allergyphobia]

Hi Meg,

I think after the ups we notice the downs more. I can't really help regarding meds, as i didn't go down that route myself, but i am having CBT and acupuncture. i know that a lot of people say that they can start to kick in at around 8 weeks, if you have a look at your dose and meds you are on i think there is alot of help and discussion in the forums.

I know what you mean about the therapy, i can come out feeling on top of the world and then it seems to seep away again. Are you having CBT or something else. I find the homework with CBT keeps up my momentum and keeps me going, rather than having nothing to think about after therapy. It might be an idea to write things down during and after your sessions so you can keep adding them to them in between.

Everybody recovers at different rates, i have managed to banish a lot of my anxiety but it has taken me a LONG time and i am still really suffering from my phobia, but only when you are ready can you sort of return to "normal" life.

take the time you need meg, don't be disappointed, just get well and be happy, plan some activities to build up your confidence in the time you are off if that is what you decide, so you use it to progress rather than go backwards, you know?

Take care,
AP

[meg1986]

Thanks AP, I'm just having counselling, no CTB although I have had this a few years ago which did help a little bit as like you say, it gives you something to practice inbetween sessions. I am also attending a weekly stress control class run by the NHS in my area which is just a weekly session sitting and listening to a health professional talk about stress and different ways of coping and controlling it. These are interesting but it's just hard putting into practice what they tell you when I feel so low and anxious. I'm just finding it hard to decide what to do for the best, either stick it out at work and hope I don't get worse instead of better, or go off sick again and accept that I'm just not quite ready yet.

[allergyphobia]

i think perhaps if you give it say a week on the phased return, you will know how you feel.. at the moment you're trying to make a decision on a very small amount of time and that must be very difficult... so i say give it a go for a couple of days and then see how you feel.

Keep in touch
Amber

[meg1986]

Thanks Amber, I really appreciate the advice. I will let you know how I get on.

Take care

Megan

[lizzie29]

Hi Meg

I agree with Amber. Give it a couple more days and then decide. You're bound to find it hard at first, but hopefully it should get easier. If it doesn't, then maybe you do need longer off. Whatever decision you make, accept it and don't worry about whether you've made the right one - it's easy to do! I think after a few more days, you'll know in your heart what is the right thing to do. If you need more time off, take it. At least you've had a go and you can feel proud for trying. What meds are you on? I'm on citalopram (20mg) and I was told it could take up to four months to properly feel the effects. Everyone's different though so even if you're on the same meds, it could be quicker/slower.

Take care, and let us know what you decide. x