View Full Version : Becoming a Total Hermit
Hi everyone,
I'm unsure how to describe this quickly. But anyhow here goes- For a few years I've spent most of my time in bed. I do make an effort to 'enter' the outside world and at one time I actually did some volunteer work which I really enjoyed. But.. I'm back to my bed. I even cancel hair appointments. Today I was supposed to meet my daughter but I let her down.
I do go out to get food. I feel worse if I do go out. I did go to see my boyfriend last weekend but I also spend my time in bed there aswell (alone).
I live alone but I like that as I've no pressure.
Any ideas?
Have you seen a doctor about this? Are you having counselling or medication? Are you sleeping a lot, or staying in your bedroom awake in the day time?
Sorry to ask lots of questions, I don't know if you have anxiety, agarophobia or depression?
Could you consider doing voluntary work again, as you enjoyed it?
Hi,
I've been on Citalopram for approx 4 years. I was on 40mg now on 10mg.
My voluntary work is still open - I do have a bad back and that's what they think I'm off with.
Sleeping? Oh gosh. Well it's so mixed up. I don't sleep for long (maybe 2 hrs at most). I do try all the things to stay awake but I then end up being awake for 24hrs or more - as if I'm overtired and can't sleep.
My doctor doesn't know the extent as she's new (my old one left) and she doesn't think I've got depression. Hence my tablets being reduced.
I do get the symptoms that other people get on this site but not to the same degree. x
paula lynne
26-11-10, 19:32
Hiya my ole music chain buddy x
Do you stay in bed because of lack of motavation, or do you have mobility probs etc? (sorry, may have missed any earlier posts regarding this) x:hugs:
Hiya from that Elvis noall (well not really)
Stay in bed because of both.
I can walk and sit but only for short periods. But I'm so fed up of the pain -it's a vicious circle. If I do too much my legs do go numb.
I've not really spoken to people in depth about any of this.
I do try to motivate myself - ie voluntary work which made me feel good.
I'm female by the way - my 'name' gives the impression I'm male.
paula lynne
26-11-10, 20:01
Hi, I know your a laydee, I checked your profile :winks:
Has your gp said anything about seeing a pain specialist/physio?
Are some days worse than others ? x
Hiya
My back has been bad for approx 30yrs - little space between 3 vertabrae. I've had physio etc. Got pensioned off from my career, started another but back got worse (I thought I was soft or thought it was stressed induced so carried on through the pain). So over the years I've learned some terrible coping strategies, which have obviously come to this!
At one point I took Kava Kava (intially to help with stopping smoking) but noticed it helped with muscle contraction, but can't get it now.
My doc has put me on anti inflams for a month because all of my back/shoulders/ribs etc have gone into spasm. This she says could be because cital was helping me deal with pain (which I had noticed)and she recommended Pilates.
As with regards to my back that's continual no day is worse than another - unless I've done too much.
I don't know if it's a combination of back plus psycho probs. I have done the suicide thing twice in my past. -Not suicidal now. x
Hi again Gaaron
Your post makes me sad...but I know how easy it is to fall into living a recluse lifestyle, when you have anxiety and depression, and I know what you mean about the 'no pressure' part. I did that (I became roombound) and feel I could happily do it again sometimes but I can't and won't because it wasnt good for me and somewhere deep down I knew I was missing out on living and life is so short.
Does your gp know about how you are?
Does your boyfriend help in any way?
Do you not sleep well due to your back pain? Are you receiving any treatment for it.
Maybe when you feel ready to, then you can do a little voluntary work.
I am on 40mg citalopram and refuse to go any lower because the lower doses didnt help as much as this dose.
Do you get any help from the mental health team or anyone???
It is good that you have come onto this site, as I am sure you will get plenty of support, and it does show that you want to socialise.
Sending you hugs...and thank you for your other post to me :hugs: X
paula lynne
26-11-10, 20:23
Huuuum, Im a bit stumped. If your stuck in a pain cycle with an ongoing vertabrae prob, I dont know what to suggest bless you. No chance of surgery I suppose, or you would have had it by now. Whats your mattress like? Maybe if you slept better for longer periods, you may be able to do a little more in the day, or at least want to spend less time in the day in bed etc.
You dont have physio now then?
Hi Poppy and Paula, thanks for your messages,
I've done the conselling/psychotherapist in the past.
My boyfriend pampers me now when I go to see him -so that's nice.
I think I'm going to ask the doc to put my meds back up to 30 or 40 as I think I felt better then. But she doesn't think it's depression and she's a psychologist so?
My bed is fine as is my chair.
I did go to a 'herbal' shop and they gave me magnesium oil to help me sleep - it doesn't plus vit b complex and vit c.
I don't have physio now as it didn't help when I had it.
I suppose I am stuck in a cycle. Luckily when I get palps, sweating, dizzy etc I can control it because I know it's not serious.
The vol job involves helping people get over difficulties so I can't do it at the moment as I'm not strong enough to 'disguise' mine. x
ps I could live in a bedsit - it would save my heating bills!
paula lynne
26-11-10, 20:52
Im glad youve got a nice partner who pampers and supports you x
Maybe in the future you can go back to volunteering, just enjoy christmas with your family and relax at the mo. x sorry I couldnt be of more help x:hugs:
Hi again
Well if you feel better on higher doses then ask for them, - you are the one it is benefiting not the pyschologist,
I feel sorry for you, having 30 years of back trouble. That must be tough. Is there nothing that can be done?
I am glad that your boyfriend pampers you when you see him.
Do you have others around who can help you? :hugs:
Hi,
I keep away from others as they just add pressure.
The only thing I wonder about re the high dosage - does your body get used to them and so you need more? It's why I only take painkillers when I really need them.
Christmas, oh boy yes it'd be fine if I was on my own. x
Hi
I can understand what you mean about added pressure from other people, but I am glad that you have a caring boyfriend.
About the citalopram - Sometimes I want to take more than 40mg when I am having a bad day, but then I have more good days than bad, so I stay on 40mg, which does seem to suit me more than the lower doses. I am drinking a bit too much wine at the moment which I know is wrong, so maybe it is a good idea if I dont go for a higher dose.
If you can manage without higher doses than dont go higher.
:hugs:
Hi Poppy
I used to drink toooo much. I stopped approx 3 yrs ago - I have a drink now and then now. But I know I can go through life without a drink and with a clearer head!
I was on the 40mg then but went a bit daft one morning and thought enough is enough. I do see a difference in the way I feel since I stopped in that I'm not morbid - I just have the other stuff!
:D
What other stuff do you have to help?
Sometimes I do go a bit odd lol like last weekend I ran off into the countryside, but I did that sort of thing long before the citalopram, and I was so upset over my baby cat :weep: . I did run off over Bodmin Moor too a while ago lol long story!
I can feel suicidal and morbid but not sure if it is me just thinking like that cos I am so down or whether I really mean it. I love life and have a death phobia so how could I be suicidal? :wacko: I don't want to die.
Anxiety is just so overwhelming at times isnt it? and then the depression follows...
I do think that the citalopram has made me like red wine too much. I have to be careful though as alcoholism made my mum die, and 2 sisters and my grandad were and are alcoholics. Maybe it is not the citalopram though?
Feel suicidal and have a death phobia? Wow that must be confusing..
When I first went on Cital it actually made me think I didn't need a drink but I overrode it and did. Isn't that strange that we had different reactions to it?
Bodmin Moor - mine was something similar - it was in the middle of fields, inorder to get some peace.
Alchoholism is a term I personally don't like. I got over the 'drink' because I took it that I just had a very very bad habit and had to rectify it. Alcohlism to me means that I can't have control over it as it's deamed a disease. That's my thought that worked for me.
I slept then tho' -even tho' I know it wasn't a proper sleep! x
Hi
I didnt have a death fear until after both my parents died, and then the whole gloom n doom funeral parlour, mortuary, NHS hospital bed thing took over. There is never a day that goes by without me thinking about death. :weep: I hate it. It never leaves me. My counsellor did tell me to do child like things every day that I had never done before in order to help :wacko:
To begin with when I was on Citalopram, I never touched alcohol and then later on, I found myself drinking more.
You too went off over fields? Maybe it is to find peace. I love nature and the outdoors and maybe that was it. Travelling back from Bodmin Moor to Derbyshire with a major hangover wasnt much fun however and partner was not too impressed either lol :wacko:
I really feel for you, but it does show you want to interact with people by posting here.
What Paula said is true, have you ever been referred to a pain specialist? There is so much they can do to help. You may not have depression but long term pain can really affect you and make you feel low.
Do you think you could trust your doctor to tell them the full extent of how you feel? Poppy's right, life is short and it would be such a shame if you stayed in bed most of the time. I'm not criticising.
Why do you feel that people "add pressure"? has something happened to make you lose trust? You don't have to say, but not everyone is horrible.
Hi once again thanks for your messages - I've been listening to the Jeremy Vine prog that was on this afternoon.
I'm not used to speaking about how I feel because I suppose it's because I feel selfish and should know better (I Know these are wrong).
Also everyone expects so much of me and when I don't deliver I'm told I don't care enough. mmm. I know.
The only time I ever felt relaxed was when I listened to Elvis (I was 9yrs old and Elvis wasn't really on the scene and my parents weren't into him). I haven't got an obsession its just a bit of 'getting away from it' - and at least I have that. I do like other music.
It's daft. Every job I've done I do very well and enjoy and yes my back gets in the way. But I thought I'd cracked it when I got my last job (volunteering) as I could work it around my back probs. But it feels like I'm back to square one - I know I'm not.
I've never been referred to a pain specialist. Maybe because they didn't have them when I used to go to the docs about my back. x
I love the open countryside - especially north scotland - so peaceful
Hazel is right - not everyone is horrible.
I used to think that, but then get surprised when people are being nice to me.
There are lots of good caring people on this site.
I know what you mean about talking about yourself, I'm really private and don't trust people easily. When I started counselling, it felt so selfish to talk about myself for 50 minutes, but after a few times I relaised it was helping me as all the stuff in my head had been poisoning me.
I would see if I could have pain help if I were you, just a suggestion. Back pain can be so draining, you have nothing to lose if you ask for a referral.
Take care, I'm amazed at your Elvis knowledge on the Music Chain!:ohmy::D
Hi All,
Definitely going to ask about this 'pain help'. I have an appt on Thurs.
I don't think everyones horrible. I've met the nicest of people in my jobs -but I was there to 'help' them as they were my 'clients' and I've also met the horriblest. The nicest always stick in my mind.
As a teenager I knew everything about Elvis. Although I remember the songs I confess I have to look them up to make sure I've remembered right! x
Thanks for all your help :hugs:
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