Anxiety focusing on relationship but why?!

[L1984]

Hi I am new and looking for anyone who can relate....

My story is weird and it still doesn't make any sense to me and i think thats half the problem!! I was literally putting some make up on holiday and i suddenly had this pit in my stomach from nowhere and looked at my boyfriend and started questioning him, our relationship and how i felt. I was awful as up to that point, we had an amazing relationship.

Then that feeling lasted for about 3 weeks where i basically just felt sad, numb and guilty for even feeling like that. I told my boyfriend everything about how i felt and what was going through my mind. And then i would then panic about how i was feeling.

I was prescribed anti depressants but still haven't taken them and really don't want to... I have had 5 counselling sessions which have been a bit of a help. I think when i am at my most anxious and i am talking to someone about it all its feels ok (ish) but then as soon as i leave that conversation, it all goes out of my head and the panic, questioning and numb feelings start again.

After that three weeks was over i went pretty much back to normal and my feelings came back. Then me and boyfriend went away for the weekend and were at the train station when he said (jokingly) about getting matching dressing gowns and the pit in my stomach and panic came back over me like a back wave. That was about a couple of months ago, it was really severe for about two weeks and now its kind of gone and just comes in waves.

So yeah thats my story... It doesn't make any sense at all!! He is honestly the closest to perfect person for me ever and has been supportive and amazing through this whole thing.

I just dont understand it as he is everything i wanted and now i just constantly feel sad and question everything about him for no reason!

I have been told i have GAD however the anxiety makes me question whether is IS GAD or whether i just lost my feelings for him - however that would make no sense and is not want i want at all - i just to feel happy and normal again and to not feel detached anymore :(

Any comments would be greatly appreciated...

[paula lynne]

Hiya, have you read the symptoms and signs of GAD, and can you relate to them? x
It may be your illness, it maybe youve lost the feelings for your boyfriend, but only you can really answer that one. I think its your anxiety, reading between the lines. x

[ellie_C_mason1990]

i am in a similar situation, my boyfriend is the best person ever and is so much like me its un real but sometimes i get overwhelmed, get anxious and start questioning everything.
when i get like this i just try to picture life without him, and how much more anxious i would be!
maybe some time apart could be useful; distance really does make the heart grow fonder! x

[L1984]

Hi :)

Thank you for your comments

Paula Lynne - Yeah was diagnosed with GAD a little while ago but i think i am still in denial to it sometimes, thats why i start thinking it must be the relationship but i think thats because i cant accept i have the disorder sometimes. I have considered that before but i can't imagine my life without him and some days i am fine, it really is like a light switch is being turned on and off sometimes. My counsellor thinks its all to do with my parents divorce and that i have found the guy for me now and that its all too good to be true and i am waiting for it all to go wrong...

Ellie C Mason - I am sorry to hear that you have the same sometimes but at the same time its such a relief that other people know what i mean!! The questions are so horrible and unwelcomed but yeah i cant picture life without him and don't want to either.

[rach182]

I can completely relate to what you're saying!

A few weeks ago I had my first ever panic attack while I was with my boyfriend - and I too started to question our relationship, even though up to that point our relationship had been wonderful! I couldn't understand my feelings and why they changed so suddenly. For a few weeks afterwards, I still got a really weird vibe from him, because I was totally confused about how I felt and I felt so guilty for doubting our relationship in the first place.

After a few weeks, I began to feel back to normal and everything was fine - but then while we were with some friends, one of my friends and him started talking about us having children (I'm only 19 and I don't want children for a long time, if at all, but they were just joking around) and the anxious feelings suddenly came back full force. It was horrible.
Again, it took a while for me to recover but finally things started to look up again. However, I had a nightmare last week, and since then, I've been feeling really down and have started questioning my relationship once more (the nightmare wasn't anything to do with my boyfriend btw lol). I feel really awful because I know I love him and I want to be with him but I still have these weird feelings! I'm just really hoping that they'll go away again in time.

I really want to stop this anxiety once and for all, or at least, learn how to control it - so I asked my uni counselling service for an appointment and was told that they're really busy right now - with everything that's been going on, I feel really awful again - I just want someone to talk to about everything :(. So I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment, but I'm trying to look on the positive side.

I know this will sound weird, but I'm actually really glad I found your post. It makes me feel a bit better about myself that I'm not the only one going through it. Keep your chin up hun, it will pass with time - you've just got to remember that these are just thoughts - they don't relate to how you really feel :) (if that makes sense lol).

xXx

[mockingbirdsing]

Im so so sorry you are all feeling like this, I am feeling something similar and hope it gets better.

I have hypochondria/health anxiety or at least have had in the past. I have had issues of emotional numbness when my nanan died and keep getting it suddenly and with no warning about my boyfriend of 2 years. At first I thought it was a subconcious reaction to the anniversary of our break up one year ago (lasted a month and was sudden on his behalf - he just left with no warning). We are in a long distance relationship which doesnt help and our sex life has waned to almost nothing. I keep worrying I dont find him sexually attractive, for weeks on end I am all loved up with him then BAM - I feel numb. I obsess over it and dwell on it and cry so much because it hurts so much. I adore his very existence, we have such a laugh together, we enjoy the same things, he is rational where i'm not! He's utterly perfect for me. The last time it happened it last a few weeks then vanished as soon as it came. I put it down to the year anniversary of him leaving me (i felt numb when he came back as well) and thought i was grieivng or something. Now it's happening again a few months later and Im searching for meaning. I darent go to a therapist in case they make me question whether I love him and start telling me that deep down I dont because I bloomin do, so so much. I dont know why this keeps happening and I feel SO confused. I wake up anxious, guilty, constantly thinking about him and trying to conjure up feelings. I know they are there because I cry a lot about this and feel sad. It feels as if someone has put a cushion over my heart - the feelings are there but they wont come through. i can hardly explain it, i just want my feelings back so i can get on with life with the most amazing person I have.

I hope this has helped some of you feel less alone and I hope to hear from you soon.

Katie xx

[CrazyC]

Last year!..i got with someone i had known for years and he adored me and treated me like a Princess. I felt so happy and content and didnt want anything else in the world as long as i had him, he was my everything! Then one day out of nowhere..i blurted out to him how i was unhappy and i didnt love him or i didnt feel like i loved him and things werent right!!..

I said some really hurtful things...since then nothing was the same and we split up a few months after..but even to this day i often think..WHAT THE HELL did i say that for!!..

I still dont understand its like i was possessed. Im not totally sure if this is the same feeling as you had but its sort of how i read your original message.

[L1984]

Hi Katie, Thanks very much for your message - it is always good to hear that people are experiencing the same thing, even though its so sad we have to go through this, its a relief to know you are not alone. I like the analogy of the cushion over the heart, that sums up it up quite well. I am the same as you, one minute i feel ok about everything and my boyfriend (who to me is as near perfect as you can get) and then the next out of nowhere i feel numb, question everything and cannot get out what i can describe as a bubble like state. Argh, i just wish it would all go away and i can feel normal about life and him again!!

Hope you are coping ok, feel free to email me if you want to talk further.

Crazy C - Thanks for your message too, can i ask - did the anxiety go away once you ended the boyfriend or did it just transfer onto other parts of your life?

[moomin1]

L1984,

I just read this thread after logging in to this site after quite a long time. I have replied to your message to me privately. Really would be nice to hear how you are getting on now - doesn't look as if you've been on here for a while.

It's interesting you mention about your parents' divorce. My parents also got divorce when I was 19 and doing my A levels. It was a terrible time at home and I remember thinking to myself back then that one day it will affect me in some way mentally. I often wonder since experiencing this anxiety/depression whether it focuses on my relationships because of that. I honestly believe it has got a lot to do with it because I tend to start getting like this when I feel perfectly happy in life - it's as if my brain won't allow me to get too happy in my relationships!

[worrygirl12]

Hi. This is probably such an old thread that no one will respond, but I just need to know how people cope with worrying if they love their boyfriend, but knowing they're the best thing for them. Is the worrying sustainable? A brief background of my anxiety (diagnosed this time last year). At 15 I seemed to out of nowhere develop depersonalization (I only learnt what this was recently). At the time I thought I'd gone "mad" so told no one so just suffered for 4 years, til one day it just stopped. Fastforward a couple of years and intrusive thoughts became my "thing". I saw a counsellor and this stopped. Pretty quickly after I started going out with my wonderful boyfriend. Everything was amazing, to sound clichéd he understood me, supported my anxious period etc. On our year anniversary I couldn't wait to celebrate my love for this man. We went away foe the weekend and while at dinner I had this overwhelming thought that I didn't love him which made me panicky as it came from nowhere. Since then I'd say 90% of the time I think about it. Sometimes in a panicky way and others in a numb way. We're moving in together soon and I want to, I couldn't live with anyone but him. But I feel guilty and I don't want to spend my whole life living with this man but constantly questioning do I love him enough /fancy him enough etc. I just want to be with him the way it used to be. But I don't know how. I am also quite a jealous/insecure person. Basically a nightmare! Just some advice would be great as this should be the best time and I don't want these silly doubts constantly. Thank you.

[Davit]

Do any of you know what passive/aggressive is?

Since you want to be happy in your relationship you block little things that bother you. If you are very much in love you will put them where you don't even notice. But the right trigger will access them and if they have been piling up it is like releasing a dam. The worst part is over time they get warped and bent and what comes out often is not even close to what it was originally. Think on this, if your relationship is strong then talk out the little things that bother you. The smaller they are the more important because these are the ones that do the most damage. They are going to come out anyway.