How many of you think 'THIS time, it' might be real'? [Archive]

View Full Version : How many of you think 'THIS time, it' might be real'?

karlyo

27-11-10, 20:07

Over the past few years I have convinced myself of a collapsed lung, brain tumour, breast cancer, cervical cancer and lymphoma and nothing serious has ever been diagnosed - the problems eventually go away, to be replaced by a new one.

I am trying so so hard to beat this, I constantly tell myself 'it's anxiety' when I begin to speculate about my health, but there is always part of me saying 'But THIS time, it could be real' and for some reason I believe that part of me over the more rational part.

I don't know why and I don't know how to ignore it!

At the moment I have a really odd sensation - a sort of ache/throbbing pain which seems to move around my lower abdomen, right side of pelvis and groin and top of my right thigh. My lymph nodes in the groin are swollen and I also keep poking my stomach, convinced of lumps all the time. The reason I am worried is because my smear test came back with borderline abnormalities a couple of weeks ago. Of course I'm convinced it is actually cancer and they missed it.

I just dont know how to make myself believe the rational thoughts instead of the irrational ones. If anyone knows how...please, tell me!!

Sam201010

27-11-10, 20:14

JAYQ

27-11-10, 23:55

All....the...while...

It's horrible, its always my heart too, I've been getting chest pains/pains in my arms/hands and no matter how much i tell myself it's anxiety, there is always the thought lingering that this time it's real.

Would love to know how to break the cycle

Sam

Same here. Ive been experiencing stomach discomfort and just now before i even read this am experiencing groin on one side discomfort along with woozy head and a bit of weakness. I try to tell myself all the time its more anxiety but like you i question it scared to use it as a crutch all the time when it really could be something. So frustrating for sure.

Oli

28-11-10, 00:06

I have the exact same thing. I've been getting better recently, before today I was reading a trashy magazine with loads of 'real life stories' in ...and turned to a page telling the story of a boy who died of sudden death sydrome. BOOM. PANIC. ANXIETY. It all came flooding back. Now I have a fluttering in my chest that wont go away.....

westofengland

28-11-10, 00:33

karlyo

28-11-10, 09:18

Mine sounds normal...just like me tallking in a normal, serious voice!

Maybe I should give it a character....like a really upper class snooty woman. Called Mavis.

shaggyowen

28-11-10, 10:05

same here its wierd and i wouldnt want to give it a name cuz then youd be talking to yourself and if your trying not to act or be crazy for me that seems far from it lol :/ i never no what to do when that voice in your head says youv got this youv got that bla bla bla going on 24/7 :/ would be intrested in some tips too =]

Primula

28-11-10, 21:16

"This time it might be real"
That's your OCD talking, the authentic voice of it. The anxiety, the intolerance of uncertainty, the compulsion to check or seek reassurance

What does it sound like? I am trying to give mine a funny name and a funny voice so I take it less seriously

Another excellent post. You have great insight. My doc told me that once you can see the HA for what it is, that is half the battle.

amandy1979

29-11-10, 17:30

HI there,

I am sitting typing this email having spent the whole day panicking about breast cancer, i have been like this since august on and off, before that i spent 8 years thinking i had or may have cervical cancer, before that other various things. I feel like it will never end and yes at the moment i am thinking what if this time it is real and i ignore it. I have been to doctor about worries and been completely dismissed only to be sent to a mental health nurse who i felt would like to have just told me i was being silly, but its very real and i understand how you feel.
I just wish i could put it aside and not worry as it sucks the enjoyment out of things, i would love nothing more than to stop worrying and enjoy christmas but i have a feeling i will still feel like this or worse on christmas day.
I do however have some hope as overcame terrible panic attacks and havent had one since, so hopefully one day i may overcome this too.

Hope you feel better soon

SH2727

29-11-10, 18:13

Do you find that you panic for days about something, then even get it checked out by your doctor or replace the worry with something else and worry about that instead?

It's a constant circle of worry. On the rare day I don't worry, I then start worrying about what will be the next thing!!

karlyo

29-11-10, 20:21

amandy, I know how you feel, its horrible thinking it's taking over everything isnt it. Hopefully we can enjoy christmas!

I am doing okay - my 'pain' today seems to be moving all over the place - legs, groin, back, side, stomach - pretty much a good indicator it's anxiety for me, seems wherever I focus some sort of pain will appear.

SH2727 - absolutely! I am exactly the same, I consistently replace my worries. I'm rarely not worried about something. If I haven't got a 'health' worry I generally worry about something else, but usually something health wise will be occupying me.

millie123

29-11-10, 20:48

Hi
This is the 1st time i have posted here...and i had to join in ur discussion..i hopw you dont mind..
i have exactly the feelings you have Karlyo...I hate myself for feeling this..i jusst want it to go away NOW !!
i AM sooo down about it all..and soo tired..
I panic about every damn illness every time i get a symptom..I have had every serious illness going...and deep down I know its silly but I think to myself what if this time its for real...:doh:
At the moment I have tender abdomen and pains in lower groin..keep running to the loo..and convinced its cancer..
But last week it was bad headaches..so i had a brain tumour...
I AM FED UP OF IT AND SO DOWN :weep:
I understand the panic of getting a borderline smear..i had one recently..turned out to be fine..apparantly they are really common..most of my friends have had them...and all fine...
Hugs to all those who suffer like me..its soul destroyin sometimes but I CANT let it ruin my life...its just a real fight somedays xx

karlyo

29-11-10, 21:49

Hugs to you Millie. I just sent you a PM as you sound so much like me, thought you might like someone to chat to, hope you don't mind!
K

football12345

30-11-10, 00:29

I'm currently going through a period of 'This time, it might be real.'

But I may have a right to think that this time it might be real. I have been having tests for testicular cancer recently after finding an abnormality. My first scan showed a shadow across the testicle which could be a tumor but my urologist said tumors are typically more easy to see than a slight shadow, so I've got to have another scan Thursday.

I had tumor markers taken today to see how my levels are, if they are elevated then I probably have testicular cancer and will have to have the testicle removed.

Out of all the things I think I've had before, this one feels the most real.

A few years ago I convinced my self I had something wrong with my heart, I had about 3 ECG's, a 24 heart monitor and a heart echo. All the scans were fine and I don't have any heart symptoms anymore.

Good luck guys, anxiety is a *******.

karlyo

30-11-10, 08:29

Ahh Tom you poor thing - fingers crossed for you that it's something benign. Keep positive!:hugs:

millie123

30-11-10, 23:01

Tom...my thoughts and good wishes are with you....please God it will be ok...
Big hugs
millie x:bighug1:

JoniEdwards

01-12-10, 00:38

Hi there, I have been going thru this everyday for the past year. there are days that its worse then others though, today my heart is acting funny, it feels like its beating too slow (im a pulse checker) and i feel short of breath and i haven't done anything. It's scaring me alot but i know i have had all these symptoms before and nothing has happened to me. But who knows this time i could really be dying. I'm 29 years old and i have wasted a year of my life because of this. I feel like there's just nothing to look forward to anymore. It sucks alot, and its very scary.

People tell me well just get over it you are fine, but if I could just get over it i would dammit, Do they think i want to live this way, everyday in fear of dying or having a grave disease? I cant just get over it or I would.

Its a fight everyday, but you have to be strong like so many of us are, but we just don't know it. Don't let the thoughts win, I know I'm trying my very hardest to fight back. Somedays it wins...like today. =(

punkprincess19

01-12-10, 01:16

JoniEdwards, you've pretty much just described me!
I've been going through this for a year now and i'm so so fed up with it! i know i've had the symptoms before and yet i still say "but this time..."
I hate it when people tell me to just get over it and carry on, trust me, I would if I could! I've been out of work since this all started and all I want is to get better, feel normal and return to work so I can start living my life again!

Tinker28

01-12-10, 05:17

I know what u all mean, other people who just don't know or understand HA just think we can stop, and let me tell u, I sooo wish i could, Ive been to therapy, yeah it helped a bit, but you can only go for soo long it was costing me. I have my good days and my bad days with HA today was a bad one for sure, im soo freaked out all the time over everything!! I want my life back!!