Anxiety, depression and past traumas

[Clairalou]

Hi Everyone

I normally post over on the health anxiety board but as im learning to control my health anxiety ive decided maybe i fit in over here.

If you dont mind id like to explain what ive been going through over the past few years and see if anyone can relate.

I suffered from an ectopic pregnancy around 7 years ago and i nearly died i became depressed after this and suffered from anxiety, all that went away after i got pregnant with my first son, after a very difficult pregnancy my little boy was delivered by a very traumatic emergency c-section and i was very poorly. I recovered well but suffered from postnatal depression but i didnt seek help i just got on with things, I got pregnant again but miscarried then i accidently got pregnant again with my 2nd son my little boy was only 1 when i discovered this.
Again i had a hugely traumatic birth and he was really ill and so was i when i recovered i realised that i had postnatal depression again and again i didnt seek any help!

Spring forward 2 years and my postnatal depression was at its worst and i considered suicide i was really poorly and i finally opened up to my gp who put me on anti depressants and sent me away saying id feel better, i struggled on with various anti depressants until january this year when i decided to come off them all and try and rebuild my life.

I thought the depression had lifted but i was left with this awful anxiety which was awful i was worried about everything having huge panic attacks and feeling really dreadfull i went back to my gp who said that cbt might help me.

Cbt has really helped me get hold of my anxiety and my panic attacks, i feel so much better im not completely cured but im so much better than i was, my problem is that as weve being going through everything and pulling myself apart ive become depressed again i feel so low and emotional and fairly useless and that im a burden to everyone around me!
i dont understand why i feel like this.

I think its because i have never got over my traumatic past im frightened to relive it, even writing this post has been so hard but i just feel like i need to let it all out! I want to be able to let go of it but i cant i still think about it all the time going over what happend and the fact i nearly died. I was 15 weeks along when i had my ectopic and it still hurts so much that ive lost 2 babies :(

I want to move on but i dont know how!

Thankyou to anyone that reads this and i hope i havent upset anyone!

Love claire xx

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Claire it sounds as if you have been through a lot and have come through it miraculously well. Well done for being committed to the CBT. I don't know you at all but it would look as if you would benefit from some sort of talking therapy such as psychotherapy so that you can finally lay the past to rest. Those memories are unique to you and they are the parts that make you 'you' but if you are unable to get on with day to day living then now is the time to seek help with them. If your own GP is unsympathetic then see someone else in the practice. You are able to acknowledge the past and I expect would make good progress in some sort of psychotherapy. I hope that there is something available for you (or for the PTSD) that you have suffered. EJ.

[ljd]

Hi Claire its not surprising how you feel after the trauma youve had. Its hard when you know you nearly died and i dont think people really unerstand what your going through when this happened. I nearly died a few years ago to not through pregnacies but was seriously ill and was told i may not make it and may die.. It was hard to hear and a shock at the time as years before i was depressed and wanted to end it all. So strange emotions there.. I guess what im trying to say is you can feel better gain youve shown that its hard im sure but be kind to you and tc

[Idstain]

Hi clairalou,

may i recommend buying a pretty new book called the "mindful path to self-compassion". It's an incredible book that has helped me massively.

you can read the reviews here. http://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Path-Self-Compassion-Yourself-Destructive/dp/1593859759/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1290983324&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Path-Self-compassion-Christopher-Germer/dp/1593859759/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1290983370&sr=8-1

good luck :)

[HarrogateChris]

may i recommend buying a pretty new book called the "mindful path to self-compassion". It's an incredible book that has helped me massively.

Thanks for the tip, I've ordered a copy :)

[janejana]

I believe most of what you are expreriencing is PTSD. From what I have read, it can take years to conquer. Have you been in therapy or in residential depression treatment (http://www.residentialtreatment411.com/residential-treatment/residential-depression-treatment-options.html) program or to a psychologist to see if they can help you? If nothing else, you should be taking an antidepressant and/or an anti-anxiety medication. I highly recommend you to see someone and talk about.

[Nigel H]

Hi Claire

If what you are experiencing is PTSD, then it certainly does not take years to conquer - that's the good news! I would hate for you to go away with a thought like that. :)

I have been through it ... AND had it dealt with swiftly and effectively, so feel justified in ensuring that you are aware that it can be dealt with comfortably.

I have put a posting up on the Panic Attack section offering help, so have a look at that and/or PM me if you like.

There is no reason not to have your symptoms dealt with comfortably - it is perfectly possible.

Nigel