Not Sure What To Do.

[Mags01SP]

I'm 15 years old and lately things have been harder than they should be for me.

In October of last year, I dated a close friend for about week. After two days of dating, he kissed me, then I didn't get to see him for the rest of the weekend(he was away on vacation with family). I started to panic and got a boxed feeling, like I didn't want to be in a relationship. So I broke up with him and he was a jerk about it, so he never spoke to me again.

In February of this year, I felt confident with my decision so I decided to go out with a kid I'd known for most of the year. The same feeling returned - I woke up late at night with long-lasting panic attacks and worries that things were going to go wrong. I stuck it out for a week, then realized no matter what I did, the worries just didn't go away, even when I knew my spouse was okay and that the relationship was fine.

I explained to him that I'd had anxiety for a while and this was the worst it had gotten. Thankfully he understood and agreed to stay friends. Unfortunetly, I care a lot about those who I know, so I was worried about how he felt and if he was alright. I was assured it didn't bother him anymore, and was alright for a while. I began to worry about how I would feel seeing him each day, and it interfered with my daily functions. It got worse, spreading to worrying about other things like concerts and how they would go. My mom got me a counselor and I've been going for three weeks. As of last week, she set up our next session for two weeks because she said she's seen an improvement. I've also realized that, but there's something bothering me.

I write a lot of fanfictions and I find a lot of security in music, lately and ever since I went out with this kid I'd lost my passion for almost everything I was into before. I would be able to move on, but for some reason when I attempt to write or just chill and listen to music it isn't working. People have suggested going back out with him, but the thought scares me. There's too much negative emotion that goes along with him in my mind now and I'd rather get back to my "usual" life than to attempt to date again, because I'm an indecisive person at this age and I'd hate to be with him again only to back out a second time.

My question is - how do I get my mind off of all of this? I analyze my feelings often and tend to over-think when something negative comes to mind. More than anything I want to move on and not think about the boy or worrying about things. I still have class with this kid, and I feel like that's the source of my worrying since overtime everything has not completely gone away.

To gain back my writing I've been told to try and do it anyway and try to stick to as normal of a schedule as possible, and to try to keep busy in any way I can so not to overthink. I do have panic attacks when I feel like things are never going to go away or I'll never be happy again, but I go back and forth between good times and bad.

Anyone have any advice other than medication?
Everyone on here seems wonderful and I felt comfortable coming here for advice.

[andrew]

hi destro,

it is hard to know exactly how you feel and easy to over analyze looking for that definitive answer, which usually just leads to more analyzing. just try and reassure that you made the right decission and do try and stop yourself from analyzing it over and over - tell yourself to stop.

yes staying busy works, the more interested you are in what your doing the easier it is. and like everything in life, if it doesnt come to you easy, you have to work at it.

try and stay positive, take care .. andrew

[Mags01SP]

Andrew,

Thanks a lot for your input. It is hard for others to understand how it feels, I realize that. I have been better at telling myself to stop, but sometimes thoughts sneak in and it's hard to get around feeling hopeless.

I'm getting into things that will also give me more boosts of confidence, like starting next month I'll be taking a dance class and I've become more active in my church's youth. Instead of giving up on writing, as well, I've also tried it anyways. I'm not completely focused, but my mother's told me that will come in time.

My dad's side of the family has a lot of anxiety and obsessive-thinking, and my dad's been through bad anxiety a couple of times, so I know I can get through it, it's just the feelings sometimes try to overrule fact, which becomes very obnoxious.

~ Maggie

[andrew]

hi maggie,

well done for arranging activities to keep yourself interested and busy. hopefully you'll enjoy the dancing and being involved more with church. i think that is how writing goes for most ppl, sometimes it flows, sometimes it doesnt, like your mum said, just stick with it.

when the feelings do become the loudest noise in your head, always try to stay positive, reassure yourself that you can cope and you will get through this.

you take care .. andrew