View Full Version : 'Mental Block' regarding return to work
I've now been off work 6 weeks with 'acute stress reaction' (basically anxiety symptoms, mental and physical). I took up the offer of free telephone counselling advice sourced through my organisation and have found it reasonably useful to talk through the work-related stress issues. I was originally planning to try to go back to work two weeks ago, but then picked up a throat/head virus and stomach bug. GP signed me off for a further week and then last week signed me off for another week. The virus hasn't completely gone even now, and I'm still coughing up stuff. My sick note runs out Wednesday and under any other circumstances, I'd probably go back to work.
However, my biggest problem is that everytime I think of work and the meetings I know I'll be expected to attend, it's as though a barrier comes down in front of me and my thoughts all relate to 'not wanting to be there'.
Having anticipatory anxiety before meetings and having been 'taken ill' during meetings is the one main thing that took me out of work in the first place. So, it seems that after six weeks, my mental state of mind hasn't changed hardly at all, in spite of the 'counselling' and other self-help things I've been doing.
My plan to do physical exercise whilst I was off work (to help use up the adrenaline, as well as get myself fitter) has backfired ever since I statred the virus and I now feel really fed up that I feel back to square one, having had all this time off and appearing not to have made much progress.
I constantly feel nauseous (even before I stated the viruses, but this this has got worse) and I guess I just feel 'fearful' of trying to go back to work.
I hold quite a senior position in my organisation, but part of the problem I have is that my views of how our organisation should meet the challenges we face differ from those of the senior management team. Countless times, I've expressed how this shoulod be approached, but I often feel be-littled (mainly by the Chief Exec). Many other people can see I'm right and also feel the senior management have no direction.
I've ended up feeling frustrated beyond belief in the last twelve months, and also whilst often finding myself take on other people's responsibilities, it led to me having a few 'vaso-vegal' (anxiety) attacks.
My ideal at the moment would be to be able to feel physically better (i.e. minus the nausea and tension) and mentally strong enough to ward off the anxiety attacks I occasionally get (relating to meetings).
I'm needed back at work, but my frame of mind is such that it's saying 'no way, too stressful, too much like banging your head against a brick wall'.
I can't afford to lose my job over this illness.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be very welcome.
Thanks
Roger
Hi Roger
I really understand your situation. I'm suffering with very high levels of anxiety myself at the moment, which have been made worse by physical illness. I'm also a business trainer and coach so know the working world well.
How about just taking it one day at a time? You should have a return to work interview where you may have the chance to discuss how you can have a staged return to work. As you've realised, nothing at work will have changed while you've been off. Colleagues may be uncertain how to react to you if they understand what your condition is so be patient with them.
Take a few days to settle in before you go off slaying demons at work. You can re-think the meetings situation too. Have you thought about how you influence people and react to criticism at work? Always an opportunity there.
And don't forget, you have got to a senior position so you must have some real value to your organisation. Try to look at the parts of your work that you enjoy and feel rewarded by.
Hi Roger
Like you, I'm a fairly "high-functioning" anxious person as well, as I have quite a responsible job in the NHS and I am also a senior trade union official. I therefore not only deal with my own anxieties (which are often numerous!!), but with other people who are suffering from the same sort of thing. Sometimes this also affects people who have been physically ill, but being off work for a long period of time can cause quite strong anxiety about returning.
I agree with mr badger - you definitely need some sort of phased return to work, as going straight back into it is often not suitable for a lot of people. Also, do you have any other support networks like a professional or staff association? There is often good support from theses channels (as I assume that you're not in a trade union).
If you are being belittled for holding differing views from others, then this is unacceptable and amounts to bullying, irrespective of how senior your position is in your organisation. You should have a harassment or dignity at work policy that can help out with this, and it might be worth speaking to someone senior in HR about these issues.
If you think I can offer you any other help, please drop me a PM if you don't want to post on the board.
Best wishes
blueangel
Thanks both for your replies.
Situation is that this morning, my GP has signed me off another two weeks . . . partly to get over the virus which just seems to have dragged on, but partly because he feels that I need more time to 'work on' the anticipatory anxiety. I do feel as though I'm not too far off wanting to go back to work, but there remains this one barrier I need to overcome, plus the one relating to my negative views of the senior management. I've been in touch with work and they seem ok about it, although it's clear that I'm missing some quite important developments and meetings . . . which makes me feel somewhat guilty (because part of me feels I should be there, but another part is locked into the 'can't face meetings' frame of mind).
Anyway, hopefully, two weeks off (will be going back on a Thursday), time to rest and time to work on the self-help techniques etc will be enough. At that time, I'll judge whether it will need to be on reduced hours intially.
I also received some Energy Field Healing on Tuesday, which I'll write about in my other thread in the Natural Remedies section in a day or two.
Thanks again.
Sounds more positive. I've coached a few people who remind me of you in your position.
You know, sometimes you can care so much about work that you can't actually do it properly any longer. Try to get a different perspective and understand your senior managers a bit better. We tend to assume that as we work our way up in organisations things get clearer - asas they don't. At that next step up things get more foggy.
Learn some better ways to get your point across too. After all, we can only change ourselves, only influence others.
I did manage to start back to work half way through December, on a phased return. During that time I had ups and a few downs but managed to cope. I believe the Energy Field healing I had did help with quite a few things and I seemed to get motivation from somewhere to read even more self-help books (Louise Hay, Susan Jeffers and the book called Staying OK). I also started to do some relaxation.
Unfortunately, last week, I felt the need to take a Diazepam on the first day of a training course before I went in. Second day, I didn't need one. Then this week, I'm afraid I got stressed out about having to attend an all-day meeting with my peers, even though I get on really well with all concerned. It was back to high blood pressure, 'giddy feeling', nausea, mental block about attending . . . a kind of shutting down. I explained to my line manager and HR and they said no problem, go home. But I said I'd prefer to stay in work, but at my desk with the rest of my team . . . which I did (although still not feeling great).
Then towards the end of the day, my line manager came and asked if I would attend a meeting with the Chief exec first thing Monday (tomorrow). The meeting is apparently to discuss a possible office move for me and my team, as well as some initiatives which I'd put foward over the last six months. All in all, I'll probably get more responsibility and a bigger team. I was concerned that it was also something to do with me being unable to attend some key meetings, but my line manager said not as far as he knows. Opportunities are taken on occassions for people to say to me that "it's important for you to attend". Then, immediately following that 1st meeting is a five hour continuation meeting of the one I was unable to attend on Friday because I had the anxiety symptoms.
The bottom line is that I do feel as though I've gone back to where I was in Sept/Oct when I eventually got signed off for eight weeks before having a phased return.
Contrary to what I understand and believe, this whole situation is making me angry again (as well as more anxious) . . . . . I mean, at this rate, if I can't even feel equiped and healthy to attend meetings with a room full of people (and consequently not be carrying out my responsibilities for my position as manager of a service), I'm in serious danger of losing my job I would have thought (for reasons of capability?).
I hate having this mental block feeling about long meetings with a room full of people. I do get really quite ill and unable to function/talk properly etc.
As things stand at this time, this Sunday afternoon, I'm not sure I will even be able to make the effort to go to work tomorrow . . . but at the same time, fretting over the consequences of me not.
Any comments/advice would be very welcome.
Thanks
Hi
I am off sick at the moment too due to physical health however, experiencing terrible anxiety at the thought of going back to work in March. The anticipatory anxiety which I am experiencing has resulted in a trip to the GP for medication which is just scratching the surface. I too need to attend meetings and tribunals and, I have an aggressive female boss which adds to my anxiety. Like you, I worry incase my career is ruined and that my "nerves" are ruining my life. I dont know what the answer is but all I know is that whatever happens, we cannot let our work get the better of us. We can do our jobs perfectly well; we need to take control otherwise they will. What makes meetings difficult for you?
Kind regards
Pauline
I believe there are two reasons:
1. I experienced an 'anxiety' attack (as opposed to panic attack) at a key meeting last April/May with all my peers there, plus the senior management & Cheif exec. As I often have a lot to say, and people look to me for my views and expertise, it becomes very difficult to try to hold things together when the attack starts. That one meeting led me to leaving work to go home. Since that time I had a few similar episodes and I guess that it's a casse of the usual thing of getting anticipatory anxiety leading up to the next meeting (i.e. " it happened before, so it might happen again"). Even though I know the theory and have understood inside out, the nature of anticipatory anxiety,, when it comes to the crunch, all knowledge, good practice, positive thinking etc, goes out the window.
2. I have years of experience in a previous career (unrelated to the one I'm in now) which relates to redesigning business systems processes. Well, my organisation is undergoing change, but they're going entirely the wrong way about it. I've raised my concerns with the Chief Exec and Senior Management team on a number of occasions, and everything I've said so far about the implications of his approach has come true. I don't think they like the fact that I've been proved right on several occassions, but he doesn't like to think he's wrong. The Change project is in such a mess now, that I'm really fed up with banging my head against a brick wall, and being 'forced' to follow an approach which I know will lead to a 'car crash' in terms of implementation. What's more is that none of the other project managers (my peers) have much of a clue about how to go about things and are only interested in protecting their particular service. Meetings can be quite confrontational and I don't 'do' confrontation at the moment!
I've told myself that I've come a long way in the last few months and keep trying the postive thinking approach, but now it seems that the 'meetings' scenario has really got to me.
I can't afford stress what with blood pressure problems (which only started last year out of the blue). I've had MRI and cardio tests. All clear (other than age-related blood vessel narrowing). The only test that's shown something is a balance test which I had last week, which showed a 28% 'weakness' in my right vestibular system. It sounds like that when I get stressed, this is causing 'giddiness' as one of the physical symptoms.
The only medication I'm on is for blood pressure, cholsterol and acid stomach. I was given Diazepam last year to take in emergencies, but I still have half a pack left after six months. I hate taking any form of medication and, as I've posted before, no-one will ever get me on to anti-depressants after the sides effects of several different ones nearly ruined my life ten years ago.
Still haven't decided what to do about tomorrow, other than see how I feel when I wake up and give it a go. But I will find it so embarrassing (and it will make me annoyed) if I fall at the first or second hurdle (but that in itself is putting stress on myself). Other than these issues in work, pretty much everything else in my life is reasonably ok, barring the physical symptoms.
Sorry to go on so long! But thanks for your original question Pauline.:)
Keep with it for now.
Objectively you are doing better. This current anx/panic seems to be anchored to specific things. These triggers just click in, often irrationally.
CBT? Good for breaking the automatic reactions.
Drop me a pm if I can be of any help - I'm doing better myself so always interested if I can be of help.
A week ago yesterday, I went to work for the 9am meeting with the Chief Exec and my line manager and immdeiately afterwards, I went to a five hour meeting with my peers and senior management . . . . . why oh why did I have such a crap weekend feeling ill about it . . . . I made both meetings; didn't even take a Diazepam!!!
OK I wasn't 100%, but I was well chuffed with myself and kept congratulating myself throughout the day.
OK I realise that things haven't 'cleared up', but I was in work all of last week. Mainly seem to be experiencing tiredness and nausea . . . but mentally; no anxiety to speak of.
I'm on annual leave all this week . . . . wallpaper stripping! So I'm hoping I can recharge batteries.
I'm still managing to read the self-help books and doing a bit of postive thinking exercises (though maybe not as much as I'd like to).
Thanks for all your comments and support. I'll let you know how things progress over the next couple of weeks.
Well done - it sounds as though you've made a lot of progress is managing work. The annual leave this week should give you a chance to do something different for a few days and reflect, but you've got a lot to be proud of yourself for. Keep us posted!
i've just read your thread, I can completely sympathise.
It is hard to switch off when you feel passionate about your own views, I have reently been the same and I found it really difficult to switch off. In the end I walked out in a senseand the company found a reason to dismiss me, very regrettable but I was being treated very harshly if not being the focus of bullying or scapegoating. I have appealed but I don't think that will get me anywhere. I wish I had a proven or tested method of dealing with this, I guess that looking at your issues from an alternate perspective is always best, when I feel anticipatory anxiety I find it hard to shake off other than distraction but this just disguises the issue. I found that when you get into a meeting I find that I have cooked the situation and I end up enjoyin participating, its just those initial hurdles to get over.
Good luck anyway you seem to have a good grip on your issues, one way I dealt with feeling of anixety was to switch off my inner physical sense checkin and start focussing on the situation around me, it worked for me eventually.
All the Best
LK
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