Recovered- Last Niggle

[Laurieloo]

I HAVEN’T BEEN ON HERE FOR A WHILE AND I AM LOOKING FOR A BIT OF FRIENDLY ADVICE.

I HAVE BEEN RECOVERING FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS NOW AND I AM LIVING A Life almost completely the same to my old but in a more mindful and calmer way. I really am very proud of how far I have come and the adjustments I have made to get here., little side track put please to all the newbies, stay with the Blog this really is the best site out there and the advice really does work. time is the best healer for this but unfortunately it takes time, cheesey advice true but now over.

One little niggle is still here and I wondered if affects anyone else, my biggest anxiety was always myself, I could not understand my anxiety and was therefore convinced it was a serious mental illness. Since that worry has left and I have so much room for other worries I still find I am easily obsessive with certain thoughts.

At the moment it is my relationship, I am worried at all times that it isn’t going to work or that I am going to end up unhappy like my Mum and Step Dad. Is this normal worries or is anxiety still there and is going to sabotage my relationship.

I have always been a worrier and i know it is my make up and personality but I am concerned that recovery isn’t as near and I have just shifted my worries to another subject.

I also hate feeling like a doom and gloom munger, I wasted so much time thinking about the worst case scenario I just want to be a little more positive and I truly adore my new man I just cannot seem to live in the present I am always slightly dreading the future.

Sorry for the rant but here always seems like the perfect place to vent.

xxxxx

[blueangel]

Hi Laurieloo

So, are you worried that history will keep repeating itself and you'll end up like your Mum and Dad, or do you feel that you don't "deserve" to have a good relationship? I have battled with this one myself as after 12 years of all sorts of uncertainty (during which time I spent years in two really unsuitable relationships) I have found someone who, at time, I feel is just too good for me. Needless to say, this stresses me out hugely and it makes me feel either that I

a) don't deserve him and he ought to be with someone better than me
b) or that something horrible will happen to me and take me away from him

I have found from my own experiences that it's really easy to shift from one sort of worry to another, and it becomes a sort of security blanket that I can't risk letting go of.

[ems43]

it's fantastic you have come so far and obv worked very hard to get there. I agree, time is a healer and it does take time and patience. I was diagnosed with GAD about 15 years ago, had one major blip when 17 and a few minor blips over the years that meant I either had to go back to my CBT notes or at times go on antidepressents. Since August this year, I have had another major blip which means I'm off work and is seriously affecting my quality of life at the moment. I too fear serious mental illness and going mad.

I have accepted that I am always going to be prone to have an anxious personality and will always worry a bit more than people without GAD, and my CBT therapist said when I recently met her again after 5 years of not seeing her that she thinks this is the reasoin I have coped so well with the minor blips. I guess my point is, you may always worry and its about findng ways to manage the minor blips, but making sure you look out for warning signs that it is more than that. I know now in hindsight that I should have seem the warning signs that I would become unwell again, and will be more hypervigilant for these in the future. A good book I have read on coping with worries is The Worry Cure by Dr Robert Leahy, and there is a chapter on relationship worries. Best of luck xx

[ems43]

ps- i know that even when I am "well" my worries shift from one area to another, that is a core feature of Generalised anxiety disorder. If these worries are managable, and aren't interfering with your quality of life too much, then I wouldn't worry about it :winks:

[Nigel H]

It may be that you have experiences from your past that did not work out as you would have liked. As a result you have decided internally at an unconscious level that it is important for you to avoid experiencing anything that will repeat and give you those old negative feelings again.

As such - your body/mind has a way of wanting to protect you ... this is, after all, it's highest intention - to preserve the body and protect you!

So it THINKS that making you hyper vigilant about what may come along is protecting your body for the future.

What you need to understand is that it has taken this process too far and the protection it aims for in the future is actually damaging you NOW. Isn't it better to find another way to protect yourself from any future negative, so you can let that old anxiety go now.

What are the POSITIVE learnings you can note about YOURSELF - the learning of which will enable you to let go of that old anxiety?

What would you need to learn from the past, about yourself - to know that the future can in fact be good?

Write them down.

Make sure they are POSITIVE statements and are relative to YOU, rather than others.

you can also go through this set of questions.

IMPORTANT - GO THROUGH THESE AND ENSURE YOU ACTUALLY ANSWER THE QUESTION !!

> What is a negative limiting belief you hold right now .....

then .... answer these ...

1) How would you know if it wasn't true?

2) For who isn't it true?

3) When wasn't it true for you?

4) In what ways do you know it's not true NOW?

5) What do you want to believe instead?

6) In how many ways do you know THAT is already true?

Go through this process with any negative beliefs that get in your way.

Nig