Maximum Panic - to the point I think I'm going to lose it.....

[ShellyTai]

Hi everyone,
OMG, I can believe how much of a state I'm in - I don't think I can cope anymore.
I've been having a persistent pain in my left side / back / abdomen - was at dr last week - she said it was anxiety - I went back yesterday as it wasn't getting any better. Dr had a feel of my side - said that he was going to run a full set of blood tests and refer me for a scan, as he didn't think things were right. He asked if I was eating ok - at that point yesterday, I said yes, cause I thought I was....
Of course since I've seen him, I've hardly been able to eat anything and when I do - I feel really sick. (break out in a sweat).
After being on Google - stupid I know - I've now convinced myself that what I have is a terminal cancer (of some sort - bowel, liver, pancreas etc....) and I'll be lucky to live past xmas....
Today has been pure hell - I've cried the whole day.....
I checked my weight this morning - and I've lost about 3lbs in one week.
I can't convince myself any other way. It can't be anything else....
This is it....this time....
It'll be 10 years in Feb since my mother died of Pancreatic cancer and these were similar symptoms that she had.
I'm so sorry for my ranting and raving state......
Shelly

[ann88]

Hi ShellyTai,

I know it's difficult but try to relax. The fact that you were eating ok until your doctor mentioned it is a good sign. Now that your doctor has mentioned it, it's no wonder you're focussing on whether you are eating properly and when you do, it's making you anxious. This is your subconscious playing tricks on you. I have heart anxiety and a couple of years ago the cardiologist told me that if i had a heart problem i would be getting pains in my chest, arms and neck. Of course, the very next day i started having pains in my chest, arms and neck. It's amazing what your mind can do to you. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother - do you think that because you are aware of the symptoms to look out for, this could be adding to your anxiety? On the positive side, you have seen one doctor who put it down to anxiety (which it could well be), and the other doctor is doing tests to be on the safe side. It's just a precaution, and i'm sure you will be fine. There are so many things that it could be, and being an anxiety sufferer like me and millions of others, the only thing you are focussing on is the worst possible outcome i.e. cancer.

Try to stay positive and carry on with day to day life until you get your blood test results (which will be fine, I'm sure). Do you know how long that will be? Or how long until you get a scan date? Try not to sit around thinking about this as it won't do any good and will just make you feel worse. Have a nice warm bubble bath, or rest a hot water bottle against your side. Hope you feel better soon. :)

[bronte]

i get these pains with ibs which is anxiety related and i lost 6 pounds in a week due to anxiety my mum died 2 years ago with the same cancer as your mum and you say you have your mums symptoms but they are also a symptom of many common ailments including anxiety /ibs /pulled muscle but because we suffer from health anxiety we always think its more serious i know because i do it all the time and i have been worse since mum died please dont worry your doctor is just checking all boundries so she can be confident of here first diagnosis of anxiety you will be ok x

[Primula]

I really feel for you my love. I had a similar thing about 7 years ago. the Doc scared me to death by requesting blood tests, but they all came back normal. Then he suggested I took ADS, I think he was making sure first that there was nothing going on. I think your Doc is just being ultra cautious which is good, but scares us HA sufferers out of our minds. Once I realise that I was suffering from anxiety, the pains miraculously disappeared, and my appetite came back. Even if your tests do turn something up it doesn't mean its going to be life threatening, it's more lilkely to be something treatable. Remember our minds can play cruel tricks on us. Let us know how things go.:hugs:

DO NOT GOOGLE!!!!!!

[Tish]

This summer I woke up one night in agony, the pain was in my abdomen, under my ribs and in my back. I went to see an emergency dr next morning who told me it might be gallstones. A scan confirmed this and the pain was due to inflammation of the gall bladder. I've recently had surgery to have it removed. It's quite a common problem, particularly in females and the saying goes that if you're fat, fair and forty, you're a likely candidate to get them!

[ShellyTai]

Thanks so much to everyone or your replies - they really help.
After the night from hell last night - couldn't sleep - was afraid to move, convinced I was bed bound and would probably never get up again...and I contemplated writing my hubby and kids letters telling them how much I loved them.....(was so convinced that I honestly thought I could smell cancer coming off my breath)....
After having major panic this morning to the point of nearly passing out - I rang the dr and went into see him - told him all my worries everything, about my mum etc....
He was really good - he told me not to worry - he said, some of my blood tests had come back - but they weren't all back yet - the ones that had come back (full blood count was one of them) had all came back normal.
Which really really surprised me - as I honestly wasn't expecting anything to come back normal....
So I'm half feeling better I think...
He did up my sertraline from 50mgs to 100mgs - I know I'll probably get a load of side effects with them....
But at least I've managed to have a piece of toast since I came home...
God this a nightmare - I honestly wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy.
Thanks again for your replies...

[kaisersozay]

Your blood count is fine, so rule out the terminal cancer scenario. Did you know that you can actually create a pain in you that does not exist, only with the power of your mind? If you convince yourself enough.
This reminds me of a visit to the opticians last year. I was convinced I was going blind. I was suffering floaters, dots and flashes. Well, he said my eyesight was the best he'd seen all week (which made me doubt his eyesight, but you know...) and when I got home, all my symptoms ceased. I could see with amazing clarity. The all clear convinced my mind that everything was alright. I hope it will do the same for you!
Whenever you get these obsessive thoughts, try to remember one of the happiest times of your life and every time the thought tries to intrude, just remember that happy moment. Your mind will replace the bad thought with the good eventually!

[ShellyTai]

Awh - thanks for that Kaisersozay - I'm really trying to think good thoughts - I think about my hubby & kids - but unfortunately right now - when I think about them, I burst into tears, thinking that I'm not going to be with them for much longer.
I'm really trying to get my brain to think that there's no terminal cancer - I was fine for the 1st couple of hours this morning after being at the dr - but I'm away again thinking all kinds....think I need to get out for a while.
Thanks again...