A tiring, tricky hour =[

[dread]

I'm having a bad hour, which seems to have been bought on by my usually comforting reading on NMP =[
I keep my internet reading down to a minimum when it comes to anxiety/illnesses/heart problems etc as I know 1) it usually sets me off and 2) it is not reliable info....I tend to only use NMP as it makes me feel more secure and helps me convince myself that it's not panic. Or should I say 'remind' myself as I know it isn't, but tonight, I keep feeling more panicky the more I read on here =[ I was reading some side affects about Citalopram and memory loss and people struggling to come off doses because they suffer a relapse and it's set me off =[
I feel like I'm stuck on the Cit forever, or that I'm going to always have to through more panic and go on and off meds for an unforseeable amount of time. I was on 40mg, stupidly ran out... 3 weeks later had a massive relapse, and now I'm back on 20mg for the past 4 weeks, building back up to where I was.

Physically, my left shoulder and side ache, and my chest feels tight, going hot to extremely cold, and I keep getting feelings like my heart's stopping (which it doesn't..!). I keep holding my breath for ages because I'm concentrating too much on my body and it's driving me up the wall. I'm trying to fight it off as I haven't had a panic attack for some weeks now.... I'm trying to think "I don't care if I have a panic attack" so it loses it's momentum, but it's so hard =[ It'd making me incredibly tired which then makes me panic more as I don't have the energy to do anything productive to take my mind off it, or bother thinking myself better!

[blueangel]

Hi there

I know what you mean about being careful what you read - I opened the local paper earlier and stuff just kept jumping out at me, so I did the sudoku instead.

[eloelo]

i too read way to much into stuff and it scares me silly.
I have awful pnaic attacks, and in fact am on the verge of one as i write this, i keep trying to tell myself to calm down but its hard, i can feel every ache and pain in my body and im focusing on these areas convinced something is wrong with me, my chest is tight and i can feel all the anxiety inside of me welling up. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr i hate it so much, i wish there really was a magic pill, or wish the doctors took this condition more seriously, its a horrible thing to live with. My docs keep saying "its just a panic attack" its just this its just that, well its ok for them they have probaby never had one ever.
Anyway enough of my rant, hope your feeling better soon, xx

[Mazzmate]

Hi, I haven't had a panic attack for months and have been feeling really good...not perfect, but lots better and then out of the blue the last few days I have gone right back to where I was before, adrenaline causing trembling under my skin, stomach burning and churning, feeling like I am dying, Im really so disappointed. I know its probably what people call a blip, but I haven't done anything different, on 60mgs propanolol and 10 mgs Cit....have tried more but my body just wont tolerate it, and until the last few days my meds have been fine for me. I don't want to go back to how it was, I am so upset. I am usually fragile first thing waking up and get better during the day, but today has been constant anxiety and fear, I have had a dreadful cold and irritating cough which has been waking me up at night, wondering if its because I am under the weather that this is happening.

[eloelo]

oh no im so sorry to hear that this awful thing has reared its ugly head agan for you.

I feel sometimes i take 1 step forward and 10 back. one day i will be fine and have a good day and wonder why i ever panicked over things and then it will go straight back to square one and il have a run of bad days. Its not fair, i try to do so much t help myself, i can not understand why i get these panic / anxiety attacks, i have such an easy life with no problems apart from this one ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh