moontiger
08-03-04, 23:38
Hi everyone, just joined.
I hate to be all moany but I guess thats what the forums for so I'll debrief y'all with my "past".
My first panic attack was in January 2001. I walked into my job and they said I had a month to get my act together as I'd been off sick a lot (legitimate sickness). I sat at my desk feeling hot and faint (the usual) so I just walked out, went home and left my job as the pressure to be healthy 24/7 was too much.
I had been through a rough and hectic previous year. I met a great guy and we were getting on brilliantly, hey, even my Dad liked him! Sadly my Dad died in June 2000 totally unexpectedly and in the matter of days while I was on my engagement holiday. I dont have a big family, me, my younger brother and my Mum who lives 150 miles away (parents were divorced).
I moved on slowly. Back to after that first panic attack in Jan 2001. I waited a few weeks then got another job as a receptionist at a hotel. I was so bored there was seriously nothing to do. You all know what that means, nothing to do is time on your hands and if you dont occupy it panic strikes. It did and thats the start of 3 years of sheer hell.
I walked out of the hotel job after only 2 hours :(
I went home and didnt leave the house for 6 months. Months turned into a whole year and my fiancee had had enough. The "hard" approach was the only way he knew, he wouldnt read the books I bought on panic because his way was best. It was a nightmare, the only person that understood me was my Mum, she's been my rock ever since.
In January 2003 my fiancee walked out and left me with nothing, he took everything from the flat except my personal stuff and went to live with his Mum. He left me with a huge mortgage, an entire flat a load of bills and a lonely life with only panic attacks as company. He hasnt spoken to me since.
Life was ****e but I eventually got a job in August 2003. I had worked really hard through the summer on my panic attacks and my life was getting back on track. A month later and my brother moved out of the "family" home to go to University and I had to clear and entire 5 bedroom house all by myself which had all my Dads stuff still there. It was packed full. I had to leave my job to create the time to do this.
Did I mention, my only form of transport is a motorcycle, thats tough trying to control one with panic attacks.
After that I couldnt find work and my panics were returning, I gave up again.
Xmas came and I went to stay with my Mum and brother. My Mum announed she had incurable cancer. I stayed with my Mum for 3 months and have only just returned home. My panic attacks are worse than ever and it's killing me. I can hardly breathe all day and I just dont know what to do. It takes 2 hours of psyching up just to get to the local shop for food. I cant even get to the doctor on my own as I'm too scared. I sit in the waiting room and run out after 10 seconds. I have no friends, I lost them all when I couldnt go out and I'm beginning to get real depressed. I need a job or I'll be on the streets with no money, I dont know what to do or how I can move forward!
It makes me sad to look at the person I used to be and what I am now.
I am hoping someone can help.
Tiger xx
I hate to be all moany but I guess thats what the forums for so I'll debrief y'all with my "past".
My first panic attack was in January 2001. I walked into my job and they said I had a month to get my act together as I'd been off sick a lot (legitimate sickness). I sat at my desk feeling hot and faint (the usual) so I just walked out, went home and left my job as the pressure to be healthy 24/7 was too much.
I had been through a rough and hectic previous year. I met a great guy and we were getting on brilliantly, hey, even my Dad liked him! Sadly my Dad died in June 2000 totally unexpectedly and in the matter of days while I was on my engagement holiday. I dont have a big family, me, my younger brother and my Mum who lives 150 miles away (parents were divorced).
I moved on slowly. Back to after that first panic attack in Jan 2001. I waited a few weeks then got another job as a receptionist at a hotel. I was so bored there was seriously nothing to do. You all know what that means, nothing to do is time on your hands and if you dont occupy it panic strikes. It did and thats the start of 3 years of sheer hell.
I walked out of the hotel job after only 2 hours :(
I went home and didnt leave the house for 6 months. Months turned into a whole year and my fiancee had had enough. The "hard" approach was the only way he knew, he wouldnt read the books I bought on panic because his way was best. It was a nightmare, the only person that understood me was my Mum, she's been my rock ever since.
In January 2003 my fiancee walked out and left me with nothing, he took everything from the flat except my personal stuff and went to live with his Mum. He left me with a huge mortgage, an entire flat a load of bills and a lonely life with only panic attacks as company. He hasnt spoken to me since.
Life was ****e but I eventually got a job in August 2003. I had worked really hard through the summer on my panic attacks and my life was getting back on track. A month later and my brother moved out of the "family" home to go to University and I had to clear and entire 5 bedroom house all by myself which had all my Dads stuff still there. It was packed full. I had to leave my job to create the time to do this.
Did I mention, my only form of transport is a motorcycle, thats tough trying to control one with panic attacks.
After that I couldnt find work and my panics were returning, I gave up again.
Xmas came and I went to stay with my Mum and brother. My Mum announed she had incurable cancer. I stayed with my Mum for 3 months and have only just returned home. My panic attacks are worse than ever and it's killing me. I can hardly breathe all day and I just dont know what to do. It takes 2 hours of psyching up just to get to the local shop for food. I cant even get to the doctor on my own as I'm too scared. I sit in the waiting room and run out after 10 seconds. I have no friends, I lost them all when I couldnt go out and I'm beginning to get real depressed. I need a job or I'll be on the streets with no money, I dont know what to do or how I can move forward!
It makes me sad to look at the person I used to be and what I am now.
I am hoping someone can help.
Tiger xx