View Full Version : KIDS - NORMAL?
Okay I know i've brought this subject up before but I'm worrying about it again!!!
My oldest son (he's 6) seems anxious about things
e.g on sunday i gave him and my friends wee one a juice - she drunk his at one point and he refused to drink it because she had drunk it!!
Even when he was smaller you couldn't take a bite of his sweeties because he said it had 'your taste' and refused to eat anymore of it (you could tear a bit of chocolate off just not bite it!)
A wee while back he took exception to bacon (it had been fried) as he said it was dirty - once again he refused to eat it!
He has been like this since he was very little and never picked anything from the ground to eat it(like u see other kids doing) I thought it was agood thing at the time but now I'm not so sure!!
Anyone elses kids act like this?
(The thing is he is like me but has been like this before I even got 'over anxious!')
Lucky
Hi Lucky,
I have 3 kids, as I have said before, and all of them at some time or another have been through this.
My middle wouldn't drink out of the same cup as his sister and if she touched his food, he wouldn't eat it!
Then when they are best friends he will share whatever with her.
So don't worry I think it is a general kids thing!
Nikki
Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.
nomorepanic
09-03-04, 20:12
Lucky
Could it be that he is copying you? Does he see you do things or say things that he thinks are the norm (sorry didn't mean to sound rude - but I hope you know what I mean). So if, for example you refused to drink for someone else's cup or eat food that they had bitten off then he picked up on this. He may just think that it is something he shouldn't do.
Just an idea - I could be well off the mark here (sorry if I am)
xx
Nicola
Hiya
Nikki - That has made me feel so much better - always a worry my kids going to end up like me!!!! but if it is a normal kid thing then I'm quite happy (couldn't find anything in parent's manual at all about it!!!)
Nic - No offense taken - I can understand why you think that!!He has been like this since he was very very young long before the anxiety took hold of me. But I must admit i have been concerned recently that his recent behaviour (ie the juice cup) is something to do with me!!!!! but in hindsight he just doesn't like peoples 'tastes' (whatever that mean!!!)
But I think i am just getting too 'anxious' that he will develop an anxiety problem!!!!
Lucky
Not a problem lucky.
As I have said, I think it is a kids thing. I even remember doing it when I was a kid, with my mum and brothers etc and I didn't get panic attacks until I was 24, and before the panic hit, was a confident and independent mother of 3, who go anywhere and do anything.
As I have said my middle one, who is 8, does this with his sister - err, she touch it, err, she drank out of it, I'm not having - eating - drinking it now! And then when they are friends, here Abbie, have some of my drink - my chocolate, etc.
I think it is another worry for us parents - the 'what if' again. What if my kids get like me? What if it's because of me my kids do these things?
But remember, our kids are normal, just like millions of others over the world, and all kids get their fads, whether it's not eating baked beans (my son) or scared of spiders, or it could be worse - eating worms! :D
Take care,
Nikki
Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.
lilac kitten
10-03-04, 16:03
My eldest son is very anxious all the time. He has to shut the curtains when it rains incase it rains hard (we got caught in a bad storm a few weeks ago so I understand where he's coming from here - although I was OK, the wind whipped up and blew him then the car door slammed into him, then hail stones started coming down, then it snowed all in about two minutes), so as you see that can be quite frightening to a 5 yr old.
He also hates the washing machine as it vibrates, and isn't too keen on loud noise. But his general personality is that of an anxious one. He asks lots of questions and has to know where we're going, how long, etc. and keeps asking until he feels settled.
I wonder though if anxiousnous is hereditary. I was adopted, but in recent years have been in contact with my birthmother. Her husband said she is an anxious person and so is her mother and also their 'eldest' daughter (my younger half sister). So could it be in the genes?
They say we learn fear. Some people have no fear and I was talking to someone about this the other day. She said that its good to have fear of things as we tend to be the sensible ones. Sensible - I'm a nervous wreck half the time!! :-D
You could always talk to your health visitor if you have any worries about his behavour - they're really understanding. It is hard though being a parent, because you have to be strong for your kids. Judging by what you've said though I wouldn't worry too much. My son doesn't eat enough to feed an ant!! And he'll only eat certain things, but the Health Visitor says he'll grow out of it.
Take care,
Ruth
x
I agree kids do grow out of lots of things but we need to continually to encourage them . ie kids who don't like vegetables never will try them if they are not continually offered.
As for the hereditary thing - 18% have 1st degree realtives with same disorder , 60% have at least one relative with same disorder compared with 15 % in the control group.
Babies are born with fear of falling and noise. The rest is learned - they say ! It only takes one experience for the memory banks to learn though ...
All people have fear - some have more bravado and confidence though, which will see them through. A good bluffer goes a long way too.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
My Eldest son will use my panic symptoms in order to get out of his homework or cleaning up his mess. He will sit and "Shake" and "Stutter". Saying things like I'm frightened and oh dear me I can't do it.
So I say to him, what Steve says to me "Avoidance is not the answer!"
Sam suffers from Symatic Pragmatic Learning Disorder on an Autisic scale of 1. (Try saying that after you have had a few!)
He is compulsive obsessive, A slight difference to his daily routeen must be discussed before it happens or he freaks out.
As for dirt, well he would wallow in his own filth if I didn't constantly remind him to wipe his bottom and wash his hands, take a bath and get dressed.
He will not eat fruit or veg, so meal times can be a real pain.
He is constantly humming and waving his hands about, I'm sure he doesn't even know he is doing it!
He was a normal baby up until 18 months when he stopped babbling.
Round about the same time as he had him MMR. (I often wonder if I have a claim about that.)
If your little boy has had no problems with Speech or toilet training,(usually the first indicators that there is a problem) then it could well be a phase he will grow out of.
It is still early days yet, so it sounds like observation is the best action to take.
However if you notice he is doing more things in a compulsive way, such as hand washing or being scared of getting dirty altogether.
Then it could be time for a chat to a doctor about him.
Good luck, lets hope it is something he will grow out of.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric
Lucky
Drinking something that has had somebody elses saliva around is not pleasant.
I share with close friends I know very well (and more importantly where they've been, and which ones get cold sores or not!)
I don't think there is anything abnormal about not wanting to eat soil either.
I'd be more worried if he was eating dirt! At least you won't have the anxiety about worrying if his tetanus is up to date!
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hiya,
Stimpy - he had no problems with speech or toilet training just little things like I mentioned!! he alos has no problems with getting dirty either!!!!
Charlie - I agree with the drink thing - but at so young an age? - i know i'm being paranoid but really don't want him to turn out like me!!!
Meg - Interesting babies are born with a fear of falling (i didn't know that!)
Lucky
nomorepanic
12-03-04, 20:46
Lucky
Glad I didn't offend you.
Hopefully he will grow out of it, but like Charlie said not may adults will share a glass or swig out of the same coke bottle so maybe he is just starting early - lol
I hope it all works out ok and you don't worry too much about it
Nicola
My daughter also causes me concern as she shows some anxiety traits.
She has to say things a certain number of times and if she thinks you haven't heard, has to say it again and again til she has said it the required number of times.
She also has to count in certain ways, even numbers.
She has to say "I love you" a certain number of times as well, when she goes to bed or goes out to school.
She hates staying away from home cos she thinks something bad will happen to a member of the family whilst she is away.
Always going to turn out like this or learned behaviour?????
Kate x
Whilst in Switz this week I went to collect Jacques, my friends 4 year old from nursery.
On getting there the teacher said he was in the loo and had been for 15 mins. After several trips to check on him she asked me to go and see to him.
It transpires that he was a bit constipated and hadn’t quite ‘finished’ and didn’t want to get off the loo and walk home with me and his baby brother because he ‘was so afraid it would just come out whilst walking home’. He was getting himself in such a state and was pushing for Switzerland.. The teacher was getting nowhere so I thought I’d try a bit of logical thinking. I went down the route of if it was taking so much pushing and nothing was happening then by just walking or sitting on his brothers pushchair nothing would just come out… This was carefully considered and discussed and we agreed that he could try for another 3 mins and then if still no result we would get him home quickly, he would have a drink and some fruit to help it along and he could go and sit on his own loo for as long and as often as he liked where he wouldn’t be hassled by anybody.
We went home as there was no more action, but not before he had me go through all the options of what we could do along the journey if he had to go as he was so afraid ..
Once home he did as we agreed and every so often he went off to the bathroom until he was happy with the result and was overjoyed and told everybody who came through the door.
It was really interesting to me that for the rest of the day how he referred back to how hot he’d felt and tired and scared but he could now go out with us in the car shopping as all was well .
I thought that was the end of it until whilst watching a Disney film that night he asked how come certain characters never had to use the bathroom.. Even the next day whilst reading a nature book he was asking about animals bodily functions – especially fish and how it was for them underwater.
He’s 4 - with no other issues at all and this is the first time this issue has arisen and didn’t again whilst I was there.
I know very little about healthy kids and was just fascinated by how his thoughts and feelings on a subject got almost obsessive. He isn't an anxious kid normally..
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
nomorepanic
17-03-04, 21:19
Meg
Weird isn't how kids relate to life and stuff - but they do bounce back much quicker than us and hopefully he will forget this little episode and not get the same feelings again.
Nicola
Hiya,
I agree with you Nic that kids are very resilient (?) and do bounce back bvery quickly. The wee boy will probably have forgotten about that particular episode by now and will carry on as normal until the next thing comes along. My friends wee one had a problem in the same area but it continued for a long time, she had to get operated on in the end and even though fine was petrified everytime she done the toilet and screamed when she was going to do it even though (we think) she was experiencing no pain, it was just the thought of the pain she was experiencing before. She is okay now but i think it was perfectly natural for her to be apprehensive about doing the toilet.
Kids will latch on to specific things for a little while and go on and on about them (i remember my wee one going on and on about death for days - but i think it is something kids do) and i think it depends how we as parent handle things ie the kids fears as to whether or not they get very obsessive and it becomes a problem (just a theory)
lucky
I'm still worried (because of my tummy problems) about getting caught short.
But adults don't help the situation
How many times when you were younger has a grown up told you to go to the loo before you left the house, or questioned at various intervals whether you had washed your hands, and sent you off to do it again!!!
It's no wonder we grow up being anxious obsessive compulsives - and this is normal for most kids!!!!!!
By association, a child could easily presume that once they left the house they wouldn't be able to use a toilet. And that hand washing was vitally important!
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
How true, Charlie,
Even though my kids are now 15 and 12, I still ask them if they need to go to the loo before we leave the house!!!
Kate x
Kate
I know - I still have to visit the bathroom before I leave the house!
And (only at times of stress admittedly) I have got in the car, realised that I haven't "been" and gone back into the house to use the loo. Only to realise that the reason I didn't go before I left the house was that I didn't want to go in the first place!!!!!!!!
(Thankfully, this is one of the many things that Amanda's CBT sessions have cured me of!!!!)
LOL
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
LOL Charlie,
I do that as well!!!!
Kate x
Whats worse is that everytime I took my darling granny to the hospital, I asked her if she had been before we left her flat!!!!!
OMG - if she can't tell whether she needs to loo at 87, then there is no hope for the rest of us!
Mind you, old people are often bowel obsessed - if I went to my grans and said I wasn't feeling too good, she would always ask if I had had a bowel movement or not!!!!
Obviously the eight vodkas, ten fags, greasy kebab and very late night the night before would have had nothing to do with how I was feeling (LOL), of course it was the fact I "hadn't" been that was making me feel rough!!!!!!
She used to be terribly obsessed with making a regular bowel movement. When she was poorly and not eating, she was still taking allsorts of laxatives. I kept trying to point out that if nothing is going in (she wasn't eating) then nothing was there to come out, but it really upset her if she couldn't go each day!
My mum was obsessive about toileting too - and I blame her for my problems ! (LOL)
Love x
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Oh dear,
i do that!! Go to the toilet before we go!!
But mum I'm not needing!!
Just try i say!!
Also have you washed your hands before dinner - yes
Go and do it again with soap I say!
Hygiene I call it
Lucky
Lucky
Or borderline OCD!!!!!
Scared for life by obsessive hand washing!!!!!!! (LOL)
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Charlie,
But little boys are sooo dirty, I mean he won't eat anything that has been on the ground or that someone else has taken a bite from, but he doesn't have a problem with sticking his finger up his nose or ear along with other unmentionables!!!!!
Lucky
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