Heart anxiety and scared of being alone

[ann88]

I'm 22 and I suffer with major anxiety about my heart, I have bad panic attacks and agoraphobia and it has got worse and worse since my first panic attack about 4 years ago. My heart has been constantly racing for weeks and I'm scared that I'm going to give myself a heart attack or something, but I'm also too scared to take my propranolol, even though I've taken them before with no problems. I've lived with my boyfriend for a few years but there have been several occasions where I've had panic attacks while we've been out and when I've asked him to turn round and go home he has not been at all understanding and has just got angry. Each time he promises he won't do it again but now I can't trust him to be calm so just the thought of going anywhere with him is enough to make me anxious.

I dont really have any friends who i can talk to, and my agoraphobia stops me from visiting my mum. I am not close with the rest of my family (aunties and uncles etc). The problem is I don't think I want to be in this relationship anymore, but at the same time I'm so scared to be on my own that I don't want to leave. I feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I don't like moaning and feeling sorry for myself but I'm so fed up.

[Sarah Louise]

Hiya,

The heart racing is definitly anxiety and the more full blown panic attacks you have is the way of your body taking control with the eventual intension of calming you down. Its hard for men to understand and i think we have to take a step back and see whats happening through thier eyes it can't be easy for them.

I use to hate being left alone with my new born i would make so many things up so my partner came home. I also got scared of leaving the house and would only go if i had someone with me. Its a very lonley time but dont be in a relationship if your not happy x

Are you on any meds or seeing anyone?

[dodo]

How did you get over the fear Sarah?

[ann88]

Thanks SarahLouise for your reply. I do feel bad for my partner as I know that I'm really restricting his life because of my inability to do very much at all. In fact we havent done anything at all together for a few months now because I'm so worried about feeling anxious when I'm out with him. I just don't know what to do because I know that I'm not getting any better while I'm in this relationship but at the same time I don't want to leave and then really regret it afterwards. I guess I just need to do some thinking and try much harder to get my anxiety and panic attacks under control.

I have had CBT which didnt work for me because although I know what I need to do (exposure) I just can't bring myself to actually do it. Having a panic attack still scares the life out of me no matter how much I try to tell myself I won't come to any harm. My doc has prescribed propranolol but I'm also scared to take that, I don't even take painkillers unless i really need to. God what do I sound like, scared of everything!! It's sad to hear about your experience with your baby, but it does sound as though you have got over that now? How did you do it? Thanks again for replying xx

[dodo]

Have you tried counselling? To talk about how the problem started?

I really feel for you as I have days where I don't feel I can go out and they're getting more and more instead of less. My other half gets very frustrated as he can't understand why I panic over seemingly nothing, or why I can't bring myself to do something.

I also get very anxious about events coming up that I'm looking forward to which sounds redicilous and in turn that then makes ne panic or spoil the day.

[ann88]

Hi, I don't think counselling would help me as I know why my panic attacks started, I used to smoke quite a lot of cannibis and then I took cocaine for the first time for a few nights on the run, and the following night had my first panic attack. It all went from there...

Dodo I totally know what you mean about being anxious about events, for example I'm going out for a meal with work colleagues in a couple of weeks which I should be looking forward to but I know I'll be nervous during the days leading up to it. On Christmas Day I'll be going to my partner's family's house in the morning and I'm anxious about that too... what if i have a panic attack, I can't just leave etc etc.

It's like you say, most of us know what we need to do to get over our anxiety and panic attacks but doing it is an entirely different matter, and it's easy to just go further and further into it. :weep: